How to fix my sisters sleep schedule?

[Anonymous]

She has been through trauma, and maybe a lot of it. Good sleep hygiene is important but I would focus on getting the trauma addressed in therapy.

Blessings on all of you.

[Anonymous]

How is her sleep hygiene? Does she get outdoor time, exercise, limits on screen time? If she's had instability in her life, she may not have had much of a routine.

I grew up with trauma and no routine and I had to learn how to do this for myself as an adult. It is not easy but it is possible.

But at her age, it will take modeling and cultivating it. Also, she needs therapy. Sleep problems almost always involve mental health issues, even if it's "garden variety" anxiety and/or depression.

Thank you for providing safety and care to your sister!

[Anonymous]

OP, please take her to see a doctor. Melatonin is a hormone and should not be used more than a couple of days in a row. And it can be very finicky to use effectively, even for those couple of days.

I've struggled with insomnia on-and-off throughout my life. Contrary to conventional wisdom, for some people screens can actually be a helpful sleep tool. When my insomnia gets really bad, the most effective thing is for me to watch reruns of a TV show I am familiar with on low volume. I don't recommend this as a first resort, but I'm just throwing it out there because treatments for chronic sleep issues can run the gamut and don't always meet the "good sleep hygiene" definition.

You've implied that she's had some kind of traumatic experience, so seeing a doctor and a counselor seems to be in order regardless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has been through trauma, and maybe a lot of it. Good sleep hygiene is important but I would focus on getting the trauma addressed in therapy.

Blessings on all of you.

+1, plus the therapist can help with the sleep issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she in therapy. When my anxiety flares, nights are the worse. My brain won't shut off when I'm in the quiet dark room. Sometimes it feels suffocating and makes the anxiety worse.

When my mind spins, I can only fall asleep by listening to a moderately but not super interesting podcast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is her sleep hygiene? Does she get outdoor time, exercise, limits on screen time? If she's had instability in her life, she may not have had much of a routine.

I grew up with trauma and no routine and I had to learn how to do this for myself as an adult. It is not easy but it is possible.

But at her age, it will take modeling and cultivating it. Also, she needs therapy. Sleep problems almost always involve mental health issues, even if it's "garden variety" anxiety and/or depression.

Thank you for providing safety and care to your sister!

This PP is spot on. She needs therapy, and she needs to learn about routines. I’m willing to bet if she ever had a sleep routine, it was long ago and she simply doesn’t *know* how to just go to sleep.

[Anonymous]

I’ll also add my vote for audiobooks. My 14yr old son had a very hard time falling asleep as his mind is spinning. Audio books are his “sleeping pill” as it allows him to be listening to something interesting enough to occupy his mind and allow him to relax and settle into sleep.

[Anonymous]

Op here
She does have anxiety, her anxiety mainly revolves around being alone. She sees a therapist but pretty much just tells her that everything is fine, so not sure how productive it is. I agree with the poster who said she doesn’t know how to fall asleep. She is pretty active, my boys are actually harder to get outside than she is. She was playing a sport but that is over now. I will try and suggest more outside time for the whole family, as well as make her get up earlier. I tend to let her sleep as much as she wants on the weekend since I know her body needs it. I will also suggest the audio book, that might be batter compromise since she’d rather be watching tv.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you have some good solutions. Have you considered a sleep study?

[Anonymous]

I think this is anxiety. I listen to a meditation podcast on amazon prime. It helps so much. Reading books might help too.

I'd make her stay in that room until morning.

I think there is trauma there under the surface. At night is when you think about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here
She does have anxiety, her anxiety mainly revolves around being alone. She sees a therapist but pretty much just tells her that everything is fine, so not sure how productive it is. I agree with the poster who said she doesn’t know how to fall asleep. She is pretty active, my boys are actually harder to get outside than she is. She was playing a sport but that is over now. I will try and suggest more outside time for the whole family, as well as make her get up earlier. I tend to let her sleep as much as she wants on the weekend since I know her body needs it. I will also suggest the audio book, that might be batter compromise since she’d rather be watching tv.

What time does she wake up? I'd set a firm wake-up time each morning, even on weekends.

[Anonymous]

A meditation app is a great option. I've been using Insight Timer; it's free. I love the Yoga Nidra for Sleep by Jennifer Piercy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure how til her sleep issue but I would change the rules. There is no need for her to wake you up. Tell her if she is awake she can read for 20 minutes then try again. No screens. And she is not to wake you up, unless there is a legitimate reason. Lots of exercise and fresh air during the day. Same as with a younger child. And make her wake up by a certain time every day.

Maybe not in ordinary circumstances, but this girl's life has clearly been turned inside out, and she doesn't need more rejection.

OP, can you talk to her therapist or have a joint session or something? The therapist isn't hearing that there are problems and isn't seeing what you're seeing. (I know there are rules, but I also know people who have been able to tell someone's therapist "He's not telling you everything; he's still drinking/lost his job/etc.")

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The backstory is far too long and complicated to explain, but my 13yr old sister(I am 41) is living with us and will be for the foreseeable fortune. I also have two sons of my own 11 and 8. She gets a long well with my boys for the most part, and for what she’s been through, is a pretty well adjusted kid. However she does not sleep. As you can see it’s 2am now and she just came in to ask if she could get up and watch some tv because she can’t sleep. I told her no, to try and read instead, but even still she won’t fall asleep until 4am or sometimes not at all. She wakes me up almost every night for something, she has even asked to take a walk in the middle of the night. We have tried melatonin and it only works about 20% of the time. Usually after 3 days of horrible sleep it will finally catch up with her and she will crash. This just isn’t sustainable, it almost seems as if she is wanting to do things to keep herself from falling asleep. She has to be exhausted, I know I am! Any suggestions?

Have you talked to her pediatrician about this? Have you noticed if she gets a lot of exercise than she will sleep? Is she seeing someone for her issues? Perhaps her mind can't shut off and it talking to someone professional could help her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here
She does have anxiety, her anxiety mainly revolves around being alone. She sees a therapist but pretty much just tells her that everything is fine, so not sure how productive it is. I agree with the poster who said she doesn’t know how to fall asleep. She is pretty active, my boys are actually harder to get outside than she is. She was playing a sport but that is over now. I will try and suggest more outside time for the whole family, as well as make her get up earlier. I tend to let her sleep as much as she wants on the weekend since I know her body needs it. I will also suggest the audio book, that might be batter compromise since she’d rather be watching tv.

OP, if the situation is as bad as you're indicating, she probably needs professional help. If she won't talk to a therapist, a sleep specialist still might be able to help her find a routine that works for her. And, as I've posted above, for someone with chronic insomnia what works might not seem "right" or "healthy" to people who don't have this problem.

You can scatter shot try things that sound like good ideas to you, but it would be much more effective to just get her to a professional who's dealt with these issues before.