Men: Do You Care If Your Wife Makes Less Than You?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it a big deal if your wife makes less than you? Do you expect her to take on more household responsibilities because of it?

.


It sounds like no and yes. I will add that they also probably expect that their jobs will always be treated as primary whenever there is a scheduling conflict and will be given considerably greater consideration if someone wants to move to another town/city/state/country.

I actually think this is the same when the genders are reversed. The problem is not that women don't respect lower earning men, but that men don't actually take on the additional household responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

I make $0. My DH makes $350. He helps a lot around the house and he is an amazing dad. We have been together for 36 years. No one I would rather quarantine with than him. We have a wonderful family and we are a no-drama family. You could almost call us very vanilla and boring. Blessed and lucky. A lot of passion and heat in the marriage.

[Anonymous]

I make 0 and am a sahm. Was a sah wife . my husband seems happy. I was in grad school for math and dropped out due to pregnancy.

However my husband isn't expected to lift a finger at home. I take care of everything kid related, school related, house related. I do discipline for the kids (he will do discipline if specifically requested, but he wants to enjoy his time with them). We have a bunch of kids and as they get older he does spend more time taking them out.

I think it's fair. He also lets me hire help when i need. I do find it a bit isolating but that's what girlfriends are for.

[Anonymous]

Pp. We've always gotten along well and had well defined spheres of influence. I feel respected by him which I think is key to not getting resentful, whatever your situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make 0 and am a sahm. Was a sah wife . my husband seems happy. I was in grad school for math and dropped out due to pregnancy.

However my husband isn't expected to lift a finger at home. I take care of everything kid related, school related, house related. I do discipline for the kids (he will do discipline if specifically requested, but he wants to enjoy his time with them). We have a bunch of kids and as they get older he does spend more time taking them out.

I think it's fair. He also lets me hire help when i need. I do find it a bit isolating but that's what girlfriends are for.

If you’re happy with that, great, but I would be miserable with that set-up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make 0 and am a sahm. Was a sah wife . my husband seems happy. I was in grad school for math and dropped out due to pregnancy.

However my husband isn't expected to lift a finger at home. I take care of everything kid related, school related, house related. I do discipline for the kids (he will do discipline if specifically requested, but he wants to enjoy his time with them). We have a bunch of kids and as they get older he does spend more time taking them out.

I think it's fair. He also lets me hire help when i need. I do find it a bit isolating but that's what girlfriends are for.

If you’re happy with that, great, but I would be miserable with that set-up.

"Do discipline" as in Borat "do sex"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it a big deal if your wife makes less than you? Do you expect her to take on more household responsibilities because of it?

No, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make 0 and am a sahm. Was a sah wife . my husband seems happy. I was in grad school for math and dropped out due to pregnancy.

However my husband isn't expected to lift a finger at home. I take care of everything kid related, school related, house related. I do discipline for the kids (he will do discipline if specifically requested, but he wants to enjoy his time with them). We have a bunch of kids and as they get older he does spend more time taking them out.

I think it's fair. He also lets me hire help when i need. I do find it a bit isolating but that's what girlfriends are for.

If you’re happy with that, great, but I would be miserable with that set-up.

Meant to respond to next poster. This is pp.

By do discipline I mean dealing with kids negative behaviors. He works a lot so in his limited time he doesn't look to deal with the fighting, toilet training etc. However if I feel we need to be a united front about something, (which happens more often as they age) I inform him via whatsapp or email and he always backs me up.
I know it wouldn't work for many people, but it works for us. I don't think men mind earning more so long as they feel their wife is also putting in effort to the family in her own way .

And my husband very much appreciates the food I serve him now that he works from home, and all the work I do. I think resentment builds on both sides when people feel unseen and there isn't a clear division of labor.

"Do discipline" as in Borat "do sex"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Things that men don't care about. If they did, women would be making more on the dollar to men.

My ex cared. He had a 100k min for a spouse. I met the requirement. Marriage lasted way too long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a woman but my husband doesn’t care. I make $80k/year and he is an MD making $450k/year. We have 2 young kids ( 2.5 and 3 months old) and I do most of the day-to-day childcare and manage the household. He takes care of most of the finances but I manage everything else - cleaning, cooking, groceries, etc. He is very involved when our kids and helps out with cooking and cleaning, but I do most of it. Not to sound too 1950’s housewife but I love it. I enjoy being needed and taking care of my family. I find it more fulfilling than my career.

There is nothing wrong with that.

+1. There is nothing wrong with this.

[Anonymous]

These posts are just so weird to me, seriously juvenile in the vein of " do boys like girls with glasses?" I guess I don't have the DC mindset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This seems like some weird role reversal question, b/c you know women hate when husbands make less than them. It’s totally caustic to relationship, and make those $300k earners have a tiny pool to date from.

Woman who makes roughly triple her DH here: no, I don't hate it. We both make good money, and it goes to the family. There's no "caustic" relationship nonsense, probably because he doesn't overcompensate by throwing his weight around and leaning into BS gender stereotypes. You should try it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wow. I am TOTALLY SHOCKED at the answers. This is EXACTLY DIFFERENT from how people answered in the last 364 questions about this.

Look, OP: Guys don't care about how much money you make. They are generally fine with you being a nurse, or a nanny, or a cosmetologist or beautician. You know this.

You also know that they are NOT generally okay if you are excessively needy, socially awkward, sexually very inexperienced at a later stage in life (not all, but we discussed how this can sometimes be a red flag), fat, unable to share in their interests at all, or start 364 thread with the title "Men: ..." (They hate that last one. Red flags all over it.)

Eh, I know men that would marry a nurse, but not the other three professions. I don’t know anyone college educated married to someone non college educated. They want their future kids to be well educated.

Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These posts are just so weird to me, seriously juvenile in the vein of " do boys like girls with glasses?" I guess I don't have the DC mindset.

I think there are a handful of "do men like it when [nonsense post here]" posters and a handful of "is it lower middle class to like [thing that many people like]" posters. I hope they all marry each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems like some weird role reversal question, b/c you know women hate when husbands make less than them. It’s totally caustic to relationship, and make those $300k earners have a tiny pool to date from.

Woman who makes roughly triple her DH here: no, I don't hate it. We both make good money, and it goes to the family. There's no "caustic" relationship nonsense, probably because he doesn't overcompensate by throwing his weight around and leaning into BS gender stereotypes. You should try it!

I’m guessing you probably have a HHI of $600k and have a household manager and nanny?