Blindsided by potential cheating—how can I protect myself and the kids financially?

[Anonymous]

Honey. You realize that he has not really been working eighth to one hundred hour weeks? He has been out cheating on you while you have been home doing all the childcare.

Gather info. Financial, cheating. Document. Talk to a lawyer. Don’t confront yet.

But don’t have sex with him either, because he could give you an std. Go get tested.

Figure out a strategic exit plan and leave him. He sucks.

[Anonymous]

You mommy tracked your career so that your husband could cheat on you while claiming to be working.

[Anonymous]

There is no innocent explanation for that text.

You can decide that you want to believe whatever lie he comes up with to explain it. But know that you are choosing to look the other way. (And it could make sense to do this, no judgement — just don’t lie to yourself.)

[Anonymous]

Hope you got a screenshot

[Anonymous]

What was DH’s explanation? Do not try to hire a private investigator....unless he has a daughter you don’t know about he shouldn’t be calling anyone baby girl.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Get a screenshot. I still have one from my husband's infidelities a couple years ago. I did leave, after 16 years of marriage. I, too, am a SAHM, after more than two decades in the workforce. I DO receive alimony, but only until my youngest goes to college. Plus, we had more savings, which was divided based on what he earned after we married. I did not take half since he agreed to pay for kids' college and other educational expenses (anything having to do with school). He actually pays for more than he has to (kids' friends birthday presents and the like). He did marry affair partner but tried to stay with me initially. I just couldn't live with it. It's hard. No two ways about it. His new wife has kids from her previous marriage....and my kids stay over sometimes since we have joint custody. I DID get tested for STDs (clean, phew). I DID speak with a lawyer to figure out what I was entitled to even though we handled the final stuff through mediation. I kept the house (and the remaining mortgage which can be covered by alimony). He moved to a new home (he bought a new house nearby). I am sorry. It's awful and horrible for the kids (yes, my younger daughter discovered pictures on her iPad. Sending a hug. This is the time to let friends be there for you.

[Anonymous]

So he’s working all of the time, but your parents need to help out with money. Yeah, ok.

[Anonymous]

Op you need the chumplady website.

I am sorry. It sounds like you confronted him already. There is no innocent explanation but now he knows you know.

Your life is going to change a lot but for the better.

Be smart. You don't need evidence of infidelity, it really won't matter in a divorce.

You must get an attorney now. You must be strong to protect your house and your kids.

[Anonymous]

Ugh that should say to protect YOURSELF and your kids.

[Anonymous]

https://www.chumplady.com/. Start reading. You are not alone. You can do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get an attorney, STAT.

From where I sit, it sounds like you're in a pretty good position.

And I'm sorry to say that many of us have discovered affairs, particularly during covid. Myself included. Not much consultation but you aren't the first and you won't be the last. I'd wager 85% of married men are scumbags. As faithful as their opportunities.

Wow, sexist much. You do understand that if most of these men are cheating with women...so the 85% must be true for them as well. Just saying

Yea, not all of the women are married. Logic is hard, I get it.

I know of which I speak.

Go ahead and bury your head in the sand if you wish, you're not immune to it either.

[Anonymous]

Who dis ho he banging

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get an attorney, STAT.

From where I sit, it sounds like you're in a pretty good position.

And I'm sorry to say that many of us have discovered affairs, particularly during covid. Myself included. Not much consultation but you aren't the first and you won't be the last. I'd wager 85% of married men are scumbags. As faithful as their opportunities.

Wow, sexist much. You do understand that if most of these men are cheating with women...so the 85% must be true for them as well. Just saying

Yea, not all of the women are married. Logic is hard, I get it.

I know of which I speak.

Go ahead and bury your head in the sand if you wish, you're not immune to it either.

85% is pretty high. I don’t believe that number. I’ve never cheated on my wife and never will.

Also, homeopathy is fake - not real medicine or treatments.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8HslUzw35mc

[Anonymous]

I'm going to break with the rest of the board and say that you should try to work on it. Get into counseling. Many people work through infidelity.

Based on everything you describe about your situation, your kids and your quality of life will absolutely plummet in a way that won't recover after a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Take a deep breath, OP. It’s going to be fine. But it will be bumpy for a bit.

1. Sounds like he knows you have figured it out. So, ASAP, make copies of all documents.
2. See a lawyer STAT to understand your options.
3. He is cheating. You do not need proof. Don’t waste your time and money on an investigator.
4. Once you have done 1 and 2, sit down with your husband and figure things out. I can’t presume to know what you will decide, but please go in with your eyes open. He is cheating. Let him know that you know he is cheating. Honestly, he doesn’t sound like someone worth keeping around but i am not you. If you want to give it a shot, or at least are open to it, invest in counseling.
5. I know you say you need the homeopathic doc but chances are you don’t. Try to see other covered docs to see if you can figure out a better option.

Good luck! It will work out ok.