Have you / would you talk about your affair with your therapist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse’s therapist let him just sit on the pot. She forced no solution. She was perfectly content to hear about his double life. She didn’t feel it was a problem to lie and excuse me to STIs. She told him he could define his life and morals.

I’m sure that’s the type of therapist OP wants. Get a young one. They tend to be like this.

*expose

[Anonymous]

My spouse’s therapist let him just sit on the pot. She forced no solution. She was perfectly content to hear about his double life. She didn’t feel it was a problem to lie and excuse me to STIs. She told him he could define his life and morals

If she was his therapist and not yours, how would you be in a position to know that any of these statements are true?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My spouse’s therapist let him just sit on the pot. She forced no solution. She was perfectly content to hear about his double life. She didn’t feel it was a problem to lie and excuse me to STIs. She told him he could define his life and morals

If she was his therapist and not yours, how would you be in a position to know that any of these statements are true?

He told me everything and I saw emails at the end before he fired her and came clean with me.

If he had stayed her course we would be divorced.

She was against him giving me any details. She did not force a decision.

He broke up with the AP and spilled everything. He got a new therapist that was marriage friendly (under the right circumstances).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My spouse’s therapist let him just sit on the pot. She forced no solution. She was perfectly content to hear about his double life. She didn’t feel it was a problem to lie and excuse me to STIs. She told him he could define his life and morals

If she was his therapist and not yours, how would you be in a position to know that any of these statements are true?

He told me everything and I saw emails at the end before he fired her and came clean with me.

If he had stayed her course we would be divorced.

She was against him giving me any details. She did not force a decision.

He broke up with the AP and spilled everything. He got a new therapist that was marriage friendly (under the right circumstances).

It is not a therapists job to “force” someone to make a decision.

OP your therapist won’t tell anyone, if they do they would lose their license. And affairs are actually pretty common.

[Anonymous]

^ she could certainly have identified that living a double life and the incumbent stress from keeping up the charade for years was directly linked to increased alcohol consumption and anger (which by the way all ended once everything was out in the open).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ she could certainly have identified that living a double life and the incumbent stress from keeping up the charade for years was directly linked to increased alcohol consumption and anger (which by the way all ended once everything was out in the open).

She instead tried to address anger without the underlying cause (elephant in the room). He spiraled down harder and harder the months he was working with her until he imploded. Shitty therapy at its finest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any therapist worth their salt will urge you to come clean with your spouse and end the affair.

But I agree, you can’t really benefit from therapy when you’re hiding such a massive secret from your therapist. You’re not tackling the underlying issues.

Ummmm, No. A therapist is not the morality police as you seem to think. A therapist is focused on achieving the client's best interests and goals.

[Anonymous]

My therapist did not urge me to end my affair. She helped me weigh the benefits of the affair vs the emotional costs. No judgment at all.

[Anonymous]

If you are going to have an AP, you should never tell a soul. Except DCUM. You are welcome to tell us all the dysfunctional details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My therapist did not urge me to end my affair. She helped me weigh the benefits of the affair vs the emotional costs. No judgment at all.

I hope she urged you to make a decision instead of unwillingly exposing your spouse to disease. That’s crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My therapist did not urge me to end my affair. She helped me weigh the benefits of the affair vs the emotional costs. No judgment at all.

I hope she urged you to make a decision instead of unwillingly exposing your spouse to disease. That’s crap.

The affair always causes problems in the marriage. Duh. The energy that could go into having a great marriage instead goes to a third party and resentment builds toward the spouse. New causes unrealistic enmeshment/infatuation that is merely fantasyland.

[Anonymous]

What’s the point of therapy if you’re lying to your therapist?

Isn’t the fact you’re cheating a big issue to be addressed? (Both your own personal responsibility as well as the underlying emotional reasons)

Why bother with therapy at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ she could certainly have identified that living a double life and the incumbent stress from keeping up the charade for years was directly linked to increased alcohol consumption and anger (which by the way all ended once everything was out in the open).

And how do you know she didn’t? Sorry, you have displaced anger.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're projecting. You're feeling pretty darn guilty about this affair, and you're attributing all the judgment to a (hypothetical) therapist.

You're at war with yourself. You need some therapy.

[Anonymous]

Therapists are not supposed to judge.

A therapist will not discuss anything with your spouse without your consent.

If you end up divorcing, your spouse can request access to your file and the information in it can be used against you.