I want to move due to resentment of neighbors and DH thinks I'm being crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are going to screw up your daughter 1000x worse than any neighbor could if you don’t throw yourself into fixing your envy issues.

Tips?

Get a new therapist if the one you have isn't working. Actually put in teh work with a therapist. Teach your daughter how to grow a back bone. Realize that moving your family over this is insane. I feel like we are talking to a brick wall here with your stupid emojis, huhs, and tips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Until you deal with your issues, there will be issues with another family in your new neighborhood.

You also need to help your daughter build up some self esteem. She shouldn't be running over there every time she's invited. Teach her to stand up for herself "No Molly. I don't want to come over. You always invite someone else and then you both ignore me. It's mean and I dont want to hang out with you anymore" Obviously that needs a lot of work.

The best thing you can do right now is teach your DD to grow a backbone. Otherwise the jealousy and approval monster is going to eat her up, just like it did to you.

Agreed. This is a parenting issue, not a real estate issue. You can teach your daughter that she doesn't have to accept mean behavior.

+1 And they are not "perfect". They are raising a little bitch.

[Anonymous]

They aren't THAT perfect if they have a bitchy daughter.

Yes, you would be CRAZY to move. Like completely batshit mental institution crazy. Because firstly, learn a little resilience. Secondly, what if you move and get new neighbors who are even worse? How many times will you move?

Grow up, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP here - therapist suggests I befriend them to "humanize" them instead of idolizing from a distance, but it hasn't worked. They have their own friends in our town and have accepted our invites, and then gone off somewhere afterward. It felt stilted and unnatural.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Until you deal with your issues, there will be issues with another family in your new neighborhood.

You also need to help your daughter build up some self esteem. She shouldn't be running over there every time she's invited. Teach her to stand up for herself "No Molly. I don't want to come over. You always invite someone else and then you both ignore me. It's mean and I dont want to hang out with you anymore" Obviously that needs a lot of work.

The best thing you can do right now is teach your DD to grow a backbone. Otherwise the jealousy and approval monster is going to eat her up, just like it did to you.

Agreed. This is a parenting issue, not a real estate issue. You can teach your daughter that she doesn't have to accept mean behavior.

+1
Running away is not the answer. Turn this into a personal growth experience for both you and your DD. Accept and be confident in who you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - therapist suggests I befriend them to "humanize" them instead of idolizing from a distance, but it hasn't worked. They have their own friends in our town and have accepted our invites, and then gone off somewhere afterward. It felt stilted and unnatural.

I think you need a new therapist. or meds. Or something. I can't believe you actually want to move your family over this. And you are incredibly naive if you don't think your daughter's issues are caused by your own. This should be a major wake up call that you need to fix yourself in order to help your DD. Or at least let DH take over the parenting stuff for awhile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - therapist suggests I befriend them to "humanize" them instead of idolizing from a distance, but it hasn't worked. They have their own friends in our town and have accepted our invites, and then gone off somewhere afterward. It felt stilted and unnatural.

And what did your therapist say when you told her you wanted to move over this issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - therapist suggests I befriend them to "humanize" them instead of idolizing from a distance, but it hasn't worked. They have their own friends in our town and have accepted our invites, and then gone off somewhere afterward. It felt stilted and unnatural.

And what did your therapist say when you told her you wanted to move over this issue?

That I should do what would make sense for our family. She didn't call it a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - therapist suggests I befriend them to "humanize" them instead of idolizing from a distance, but it hasn't worked. They have their own friends in our town and have accepted our invites, and then gone off somewhere afterward. It felt stilted and unnatural.

And what did your therapist say when you told her you wanted to move over this issue?

That I should do what would make sense for our family. She didn't call it a bad idea.

Either your therapist is awful or you are only hearing what you want. But since you don't really seem open to hearing that you're idea is crazy, you should just be aware of the consequences. Not dealing with your mental health issues and instead forcing your family to move is likely going to cause major issues in your marriage. Pretending that your mental health issues don't impact your daughter is not helpful to her at all.
But sure OP, move. Disrupt your entire family. I'm sure a new house will cure your issues.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t worry about it. Kids learn about good relationships through having bad ones sometimes. As for you, i would relax, make other friends, and not dwell on things that you can’t change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Until you deal with your issues, there will be issues with another family in your new neighborhood.

You also need to help your daughter build up some self esteem. She shouldn't be running over there every time she's invited. Teach her to stand up for herself "No Molly. I don't want to come over. You always invite someone else and then you both ignore me. It's mean and I dont want to hang out with you anymore" Obviously that needs a lot of work.

The best thing you can do right now is teach your DD to grow a backbone. Otherwise the jealousy and approval monster is going to eat her up, just like it did to you.

Agreed. This is a parenting issue, not a real estate issue. You can teach your daughter that she doesn't have to accept mean behavior.

Redirect your daughter. Help her find other things to do & other friends. We had a situation where my dc and his buddy next door grew apart. I made sure that my kid had friends over more & they just went their separate ways. It was fine.

FWIW, I had friends who I thought were the “Golden Couple” — gorgeous, rich, beautiful kids — until the Mom went away to rehab. You never know what is going on in someone else’s life.

[Anonymous]

Op your issues are clearly rubbing off on your daughter. You need to figure out how to appreciate what you have and give your daughter the self confidence to know she is better than being a disponible friend. Moving will not fixe your issue.

[Anonymous]

There are so many potential bad neighbors out there, I think you need to stick with what you have.

Didn't see if you said your daughter's age, but I was in a similar situation as a kid. Neighbor girl and I were best friends until middle school. It took me a while to realize that instead of being batted around by her and the other popular kids, I needed to find friends who truly acted like friends not just when convenient, but all the time.

It was HARD, but ultimately led me to some amazing kids who weren't necessarily cool, but were nice. In a way I'm grateful for mean neighbor girl dumping on me, because it led me to find real friends, not just friends of convenience.

[Anonymous]

good for you for recognizing this is an issue.

It really sucks to feel this way, and I wonder why you do. I wonder what they are triggering in you. My guess is if you figure that out you'll be able to help your DD too.

The thing is, nobody is perfect or golden - even the way you talk about them is unrealistic. Hmm. I wonder why you see them that way? YOu seem to lack confidence.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine moving rather than addressing the behaviour of their child with your child and/or the other child's parents.

Why would you not enlighten your dd with your insights on her behaviour/treatment by this child?

The answer: you feel so weird/guilty about your envy that you are trying to bury it. Your DD has picked up on your not-so-covert worship and is also infatuated. Shut this down.

"friendships should be equal" "don't try so hard" "say no to invites once in a while", etc etc. If that doesn't work, address the mean-girlishness with the mum. If she cares/corrects it great, if not, distance yourselves; don't move.

PS you aren't closet-gay are you? Is this more than asexual infatuation?