Is this a disability?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know multiple adults who have no driver’s license. They get by fine with alternate arrangements.

Butt out, OP. It’s not your business in any way.

It's my business because I live in another country and my sister is begging me to come stay with her this summer so that I can drive her and her child around because she thinks using Ubers and taxis exposes her to covid. I have a college aged son and my sister has a two year old, so she says she really needs me more than my own family. She is not in contact with her ex so he can't help. She is also begging me not to tell our brother or parents because she is so embarrassed.

I really would prefer not to travel to another country during the pandemic to sit in my sister's house as her chauffeur and nanny. I have my own family, even though ds is older. This is why I am trying to suggest alternatives for her.

There is no alternative during this pandemic. It is nearly impossible to find a driving teacher because of Covid. People keep complaining about this with their teens. She isn’t going to find solutions right now, and you are t the solution, either. She might find a local college kid to help.

[Anonymous]

My dad is an electrical engineer and since I know how his brain works in order to be one, and you say your sister has a PhD I don't think she has a learning disability like you mean.

I wonder if it's connected to nerves. Kind of like when a woman is uncomfortable with her sexual partner she clenches and can't relax so thinks there's something physically wrong with her body. There is, but not in the way she thinks.

I wonder if all your sister's car accidents were ways of trying to get out of having to drive.

My daughter is very smart and when she was 13 and begging to go out without me, I would say "Tell me HOW you would get to the mall". It was a 20 minute walk that literally involved ONE turn. She couldn't tell me. I'd say "visualize our building. You walk out the front door. The gas station is across the street. Now to get to the mall do you turn right or left?" and she couldn't tell me. Even though she knew. I pushed her through this and now she can explain how to get anywhere in our city.

I think your sister might be very scared of driving and that is causing her to not be able to think about directions. She's a grown adult - tell her you've thought about it and whatever she wants to do about driving, it's her choice and you support her, and you're sorry about how much you teased her as kids. Then DROP IT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad is an electrical engineer and since I know how his brain works in order to be one, and you say your sister has a PhD I don't think she has a learning disability like you mean.

I wonder if it's connected to nerves. Kind of like when a woman is uncomfortable with her sexual partner she clenches and can't relax so thinks there's something physically wrong with her body. There is, but not in the way she thinks.

I wonder if all your sister's car accidents were ways of trying to get out of having to drive.

My daughter is very smart and when she was 13 and begging to go out without me, I would say "Tell me HOW you would get to the mall". It was a 20 minute walk that literally involved ONE turn. She couldn't tell me. I'd say "visualize our building. You walk out the front door. The gas station is across the street. Now to get to the mall do you turn right or left?" and she couldn't tell me. Even though she knew. I pushed her through this and now she can explain how to get anywhere in our city.

I think your sister might be very scared of driving and that is causing her to not be able to think about directions. She's a grown adult - tell her you've thought about it and whatever she wants to do about driving, it's her choice and you support her, and you're sorry about how much you teased her as kids. Then DROP IT.

Interesting connections about engineers and driving. My mom worked in engineering for 35+ years and honestly does not know left from right. She also has zero sense of direction even when driving in the town that she's lived in since 1989! My dad also was an engineer and is a terrible driver. He tailgates people frequently and does not realize when he's speeding. He almost lost his license back in the 1990s because he had so many points.

[Anonymous]

To the pp who was offended that this wasn't a "real" disability--it absolutely can be, there is an impairment that affects a major life function. It may have to do with spatial sense or other things, and it may or may not affect other things she does or might do. It might be that she had more trouble than most people learning the necessary skills when she was young and now has a psychological barrier to learning them.

Example: I remember how hard it was to learn to tell if the vehicle was properly centered in the road. My dad and I took a trip to my grandma's and he had me drive. My adaptation at the time was to look at where the driver's front corner of the car was in relation to the center line, but I had to keep my head still to maintain that position visually. My neck got horribly stiff during that drive.

It took me ages to have the nerve to pass on a 2-lane road and I'm still cautious about it--when I do, my adrenaline spikes and my heart pounds. Or to calculate if I have enough room to cross an intersection when I have a stop sign. These are things I had to consciously calculate to figure out. It was a revelation when I realized--very late--that at an intersection I can use the distance I have to drive to cross it compared to the distance approaching cars have to reach it and factor in that they will be traveling faster since they are already moving.

It might be something she could overcome with the right training, or perhaps not.

Years ago I learned about a program in Minnesota--I expect they have them elsewhere--that evaluates people with disabilities, including things that affect attention and perception--with regard to driving, does driver training and also assesses what driving situations are not appropriate for the person. The program was developed by an organization founded for disability rehab in the 1920s. Maybe there is something like that in her country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know multiple adults who have no driver’s license. They get by fine with alternate arrangements.

Butt out, OP. It’s not your business in any way.

It's my business because I live in another country and my sister is begging me to come stay with her this summer so that I can drive her and her child around because she thinks using Ubers and taxis exposes her to covid. I have a college aged son and my sister has a two year old, so she says she really needs me more than my own family. She is not in contact with her ex so he can't help. She is also begging me not to tell our brother or parents because she is so embarrassed.

I really would prefer not to travel to another country during the pandemic to sit in my sister's house as her chauffeur and nanny. I have my own family, even though ds is older. This is why I am trying to suggest alternatives for her.

It’s still not your business. Even if she tries to make it your business. It’s a ridiculous, ridiculous ask, which makes me wonder about boundaries in your family. Just calmly tell her that no, you can’t upend your own life to come and care for her family, and would she like you to help her brainstorm alternatives? And Uber’s not that bad Covid wise – just tell her to wear a mask and open the window. Wife is a Covid researcher and she will take Uber with the window open.

[Anonymous]

You say your sister is in another country.

Did she move to the other country, and the rest of your family is here (presumably the US/DC area?) Or is all of your family in the other country and you (OP) moved here to the US?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad is an electrical engineer and since I know how his brain works in order to be one, and you say your sister has a PhD I don't think she has a learning disability like you mean.

I wonder if it's connected to nerves. Kind of like when a woman is uncomfortable with her sexual partner she clenches and can't relax so thinks there's something physically wrong with her body. There is, but not in the way she thinks.

I wonder if all your sister's car accidents were ways of trying to get out of having to drive.

My daughter is very smart and when she was 13 and begging to go out without me, I would say "Tell me HOW you would get to the mall". It was a 20 minute walk that literally involved ONE turn. She couldn't tell me. I'd say "visualize our building. You walk out the front door. The gas station is across the street. Now to get to the mall do you turn right or left?" and she couldn't tell me. Even though she knew. I pushed her through this and now she can explain how to get anywhere in our city.

I think your sister might be very scared of driving and that is causing her to not be able to think about directions. She's a grown adult - tell her you've thought about it and whatever she wants to do about driving, it's her choice and you support her, and you're sorry about how much you teased her as kids. Then DROP IT.

Interesting connections about engineers and driving. My mom worked in engineering for 35+ years and honestly does not know left from right. She also has zero sense of direction even when driving in the town that she's lived in since 1989! My dad also was an engineer and is a terrible driver. He tailgates people frequently and does not realize when he's speeding. He almost lost his license back in the 1990s because he had so many points.

I think you missed my point about my dad being an electrical engineer. He's a great driver with an excellent sense of direction.

[Anonymous]

Op, she's competent in enough areas of her life, let her figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know multiple adults who have no driver’s license. They get by fine with alternate arrangements.

Butt out, OP. It’s not your business in any way.

It's my business because I live in another country and my sister is begging me to come stay with her this summer so that I can drive her and her child around because she thinks using Ubers and taxis exposes her to covid. I have a college aged son and my sister has a two year old, so she says she really needs me more than my own family. She is not in contact with her ex so he can't help. She is also begging me not to tell our brother or parents because she is so embarrassed.

I really would prefer not to travel to another country during the pandemic to sit in my sister's house as her chauffeur and nanny. I have my own family, even though ds is older. This is why I am trying to suggest alternatives for her.

It’s still not your business. Even if she tries to make it your business. It’s a ridiculous, ridiculous ask, which makes me wonder about boundaries in your family. Just calmly tell her that no, you can’t upend your own life to come and care for her family, and would she like you to help her brainstorm alternatives? And Uber’s not that bad Covid wise – just tell her to wear a mask and open the window. Wife is a Covid researcher and she will take Uber with the window open.

Agreed. OP, it's not your business. If you don't want to do it, you shouldn't do it. You are under no obligation to leave your family and be her personal butler. She can hire a college student to play that role. If she's a PhD she should have some connection to academic institutions who might know someone who needs a summer job. Or, yes, use Uber.

[Anonymous]

This absolutely can be Connected to a disability. My child has ADHD and dyspraxia (Impacts visual spatial skills,
Proprioception, etc) and I seriously wonder if DC will ever be able to drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This absolutely can be Connected to a disability. My child has ADHD and dyspraxia (Impacts visual spatial skills,
Proprioception, etc) and I seriously wonder if DC will ever be able to drive.

It can definitely be tied to a learning disability especially since she’d get lost on the same repeated route.

If op’s sister already learned to drive, a gps would help her not get lost.

Op, this description might help you understand the struggle with which your sister is dealing:
https://www.understood.org/en/learning-thinking-differences/child-learning-disabilities/visual-processing-issues/visual-spatial-processing-what-you-need-to-know?_ul=1*282ftp*domain_userid*VVZHX1RyNWlSY2R6WUcwcDgtcU5hZkRrUnFmTjM0dW00YkczRXVLQnpCZ1lJM1RNRUJtemxoc0w4YndaMFNtVw..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad is an electrical engineer and since I know how his brain works in order to be one, and you say your sister has a PhD I don't think she has a learning disability like you mean.

I wonder if it's connected to nerves. Kind of like when a woman is uncomfortable with her sexual partner she clenches and can't relax so thinks there's something physically wrong with her body. There is, but not in the way she thinks.

I wonder if all your sister's car accidents were ways of trying to get out of having to drive.

My daughter is very smart and when she was 13 and begging to go out without me, I would say "Tell me HOW you would get to the mall". It was a 20 minute walk that literally involved ONE turn. She couldn't tell me. I'd say "visualize our building. You walk out the front door. The gas station is across the street. Now to get to the mall do you turn right or left?" and she couldn't tell me. Even though she knew. I pushed her through this and now she can explain how to get anywhere in our city.

I think your sister might be very scared of driving and that is causing her to not be able to think about directions. She's a grown adult - tell her you've thought about it and whatever she wants to do about driving, it's her choice and you support her, and you're sorry about how much you teased her as kids. Then DROP IT.

Interesting connections about engineers and driving. My mom worked in engineering for 35+ years and honestly does not know left from right. She also has zero sense of direction even when driving in the town that she's lived in since 1989! My dad also was an engineer and is a terrible driver. He tailgates people frequently and does not realize when he's speeding. He almost lost his license back in the 1990s because he had so many points.

This is just stereotypical bs re ees. Op your family is dysfunctional and cruel. You are very enmeshed. Let you sister figure it out for herself. She may have a disability. I'd bet she probably does but it isn't your business.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like it could be dyspraxia or a visual and/or spatial learning disability (although the fact that she has a phd in electrical engineering may make a visual/spatial LD unlikely).

If other parts of her life aren't affected, it's fine if she doesn't want to drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like it could be dyspraxia or a visual and/or spatial learning disability (although the fact that she has a phd in electrical engineering may make a visual/spatial LD unlikely).

If other parts of her life aren't affected, it's fine if she doesn't want to drive.

Also could be ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know multiple adults who have no driver’s license. They get by fine with alternate arrangements.

Butt out, OP. It’s not your business in any way.

It's my business because I live in another country and my sister is begging me to come stay with her this summer so that I can drive her and her child around because she thinks using Ubers and taxis exposes her to covid. I have a college aged son and my sister has a two year old, so she says she really needs me more than my own family. She is not in contact with her ex so he can't help. She is also begging me not to tell our brother or parents because she is so embarrassed.

I really would prefer not to travel to another country during the pandemic to sit in my sister's house as her chauffeur and nanny. I have my own family, even though ds is older. This is why I am trying to suggest alternatives for her.

She probably has anxiety. Medication would help. Practice driving with a patient teacher would help.

Her 2 year old doesn’t need to be going anywhere. She can have groceries delivered and they can both wear masks if she needs to visit the pediatrician.

Alternative might me jogging stroller and walking or bike with seat for the 2 year old.