Is this a disability?

[Anonymous]

My sister doesn't drive and she is 35 years old. This is affecting her life in multiple negative ways, especially during quarantine.

She got her license at 16 and had a terrible sense of direction. She actually got lost driving to our grandma's house, which was an hour away, and a place where she'd been driven weekly her entire life. My parents would make her drive back to grandma's every weekend after she got her license and...she seemed incapable of remembering where to turn or what to do. We would laugh and she would cry. My parents made her get a summer job and drive herself there, and she got lost over and over again that summer just driving between the mall and home. This was of course in the days before Sat nav. She also repeatedly damaged the car going in and out of the garage and we think she hit another car in the parking lot at work. My brother and I were really mean about this and my parents were angry and frustrated, but now I wonder if she had something really wrong, more than just a bad sense of direction.

My sister has a ph d. in electrical engineering now. She is brilliant and functional in all other ways, but refuses to drive because she says she knows she will have an accident. I think she should take lessons with a patient teacher and try to figure out this important life skill, but I'm not sure. She got so upset the last time we spoke about it and said she thinks she has an actual disability that manifests in her difficulty with driving and directions. Does anybody know anything about this as a possible condition or symptom, or have you known anyone like this?

[Anonymous]

She understands her limitations, you and your cruel family do not. Leave her alone.

[Anonymous]

It certainly sounds real as she is the one paying the price for it. Certainly a phobia if not a physical distancing issue.

How is her eyesight and physical coordination otherwise?

[Anonymous]

No, some people aren't good drivers. My sister is like that. She moved to a city where no car is needed.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she has ADD? She is not able to concentrate on what is important- the directions - because she gets lost in other stimuli. She can hyper focus on one thing - her work - but at the expense of all other information. In a car, that gets you killed.

Regardless of why - disability, bad memory, anxiety, lack of Interest, She does not need to drive. Uber, taxi, public transit. Bike. Walk. She can get where she Needs to be. She is an adult and you don’t need to encourage her to do anything.

[Anonymous]

It's not a disability, and as a disabled person I find your post really rude.

But it sounds like your family all ganged up on her and were bullies about it and it turned into a phobia. Congratulations, hope you feel guilty.

[Anonymous]

I know multiple adults who have no driver’s license. They get by fine with alternate arrangements.

Butt out, OP. It’s not your business in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know multiple adults who have no driver’s license. They get by fine with alternate arrangements.

Butt out, OP. It’s not your business in any way.

It's my business because I live in another country and my sister is begging me to come stay with her this summer so that I can drive her and her child around because she thinks using Ubers and taxis exposes her to covid. I have a college aged son and my sister has a two year old, so she says she really needs me more than my own family. She is not in contact with her ex so he can't help. She is also begging me not to tell our brother or parents because she is so embarrassed.

I really would prefer not to travel to another country during the pandemic to sit in my sister's house as her chauffeur and nanny. I have my own family, even though ds is older. This is why I am trying to suggest alternatives for her.

[Anonymous]

I’m a terrible driver and I’ve always found it odd that we assume all people can drive. We don’t expect everyone to be a competent forklift operator right? Cars are big and dangerous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know multiple adults who have no driver’s license. They get by fine with alternate arrangements.

Butt out, OP. It’s not your business in any way.

It's my business because I live in another country and my sister is begging me to come stay with her this summer so that I can drive her and her child around because she thinks using Ubers and taxis exposes her to covid. I have a college aged son and my sister has a two year old, so she says she really needs me more than my own family. She is not in contact with her ex so he can't help. She is also begging me not to tell our brother or parents because she is so embarrassed.

I really would prefer not to travel to another country during the pandemic to sit in my sister's house as her chauffeur and nanny. I have my own family, even though ds is older. This is why I am trying to suggest alternatives for her.

DP. What does it matter if this is a disability or not? If this were a disability, how would it change/influence your recommendations? Whether she doesn't drive because she has a disability or poor aptitude, the results are the same. I can't think of any suggestions coming from you or your family - unsupportive and judgmental as you all are - that would make a difference.

[Anonymous]

OP now that your sister has a child, she needs to get back in the saddle. I say this as a woman who only learned to drive aged 40 with two toddlers. I needed to drive them to the doctor in the winter instead of trying to push a stroller through the snow for 40 mins each way. And I live in Bethesda!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know multiple adults who have no driver’s license. They get by fine with alternate arrangements.

Butt out, OP. It’s not your business in any way.

It's my business because I live in another country and my sister is begging me to come stay with her this summer so that I can drive her and her child around because she thinks using Ubers and taxis exposes her to covid. I have a college aged son and my sister has a two year old, so she says she really needs me more than my own family. She is not in contact with her ex so he can't help. She is also begging me not to tell our brother or parents because she is so embarrassed.

I really would prefer not to travel to another country during the pandemic to sit in my sister's house as her chauffeur and nanny. I have my own family, even though ds is older. This is why I am trying to suggest alternatives for her.

All you have to do is say no. It is her responsibility to figure out her own situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not a disability, and as a disabled person I find your post really rude.

But it sounds like your family all ganged up on her and were bullies about it and it turned into a phobia. Congratulations, hope you feel guilty.

I've often wondered if my lack of a sense of direction was a disability. How is that or what the OP asked rude? FFS

[Anonymous]

OP if you don’t want to help your sister, tell her that. Forcing her to drive when she doesn’t feel comfortable and is by all accounts a terrible driver is ridiculous. She is a grown up and can figure out how to get herself where she needs to go.

[Anonymous]

I think you should lay off.

If calling it a disability let’s you do that, fine. She is disabled.

There is a lot going on when one drives. A ton of information coming at you and decisions need to be made quickly. People do get hurt when others screw up. For some people, driving just doesn’t work with their constitution. So they don’t. It is safer.

FWIW, “we laughed and she cried” sounds like your family isn’t very nice.