How to handle - DS being made fun of for not being good at sports

[Anonymous]

My boys suffered this for years. It is brutal, and no amount of physical therapy can change they way they are made.

For one, doing an individual sport that he could talk about at school that the other kids didn't do helped. But the playground bullying didn't stop until middle school, sadly.

The other made friends with the kids who didn't play sports at school, so that helped a lot. They had each other.

With both, we worked hard to find the things they were interested in and that they were good at, so that they found success and joy and friendship in non-sport activities to counteract the damage inflicted by the mean kids on the playground. We also made sure they were involved in daily physical activity away from the group-think of rec team sports. Summer swimming was good though; but that can be team specific.

Love your child, support your child, don't "pile on" by trying to make them good at sports if they aren't made that way -- it will send the message that you essentially agree with the mean kids. I'm not saying give up; keep trying, but be aware of the subtle psychological message that goes along with it.

Activities to consider to counter the playground ego-blow: scouts, hiking, climbing, cycling, yoga, fencing (b.c even if not very good, not many classmates will be doing it), dance (ballroom, tap, hip-hop, etc.), musical instrument or voice, theater, coding club, chess, STEM competition clubs, robotics, cooking, horticulture. On the physical things, the point is not that they are easier or he'd have a better chance at being good, but rather it is a chance to try it out of the spotlight of schoolmates.

[Anonymous]

My son decided at 6 it wasn't worth the trouble to play team sports, he knew he was terrible at them, and that it frustrated his team mates, even if they were nice enough not to verbalize anything.

He has ADHD, and a motor/coordination issue. We continued on to gymnastics, ballet and swimming, to help with the latter. He doesn't like any sports really, but ever since I bought a small pro trampoline, he uses it at home, and it keeps him from total slothdom.

[Anonymous]

With both, we worked hard to find the things they were interested in and that they were good at, so that they found success and joy and friendship in non-sport activities to counteract the damage inflicted by the mean kids on the playground. We also made sure they were involved in daily physical activity away from the group-think of rec team sports. Summer swimming was good though; but that can be team specific.

I'm strongly opposed to kids making fun of other kids for lack of athletic ability. That being said, "the group-think of rec team sports" seems really negative. My son's not super athletic. Probably in the somewhat lower range of average. But rec sports have been a good way for him to meet kids outside his school and immediate community and socialize and learn to work with them.

[Anonymous]

We will keep at it and I’ll try some growth mindset stuff as well. I might look into tennis bc he seems to love it. Seriously there’s not a sport that he will say no to! DH is very athletic. Me not so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

With both, we worked hard to find the things they were interested in and that they were good at, so that they found success and joy and friendship in non-sport activities to counteract the damage inflicted by the mean kids on the playground. We also made sure they were involved in daily physical activity away from the group-think of rec team sports. Summer swimming was good though; but that can be team specific.

I'm strongly opposed to kids making fun of other kids for lack of athletic ability. That being said, "the group-think of rec team sports" seems really negative. My son's not super athletic. Probably in the somewhat lower range of average. But rec sports have been a good way for him to meet kids outside his school and immediate community and socialize and learn to work with them.

I agree with this. Team sports have been really good for my son to learn sportsmanship and teamwork, and he very much enjoys the camaraderie of being with teammates.

OP, that is one tough crowd your son is hanging with if they're that mean about athletic ability at the tender age of 5! I'm sorry. My son was terribly unathletic at 5 and dropped out of almost every sport/class he tried. He's now 10 and found a couple of sports that he loved and to our surprise, has excelled at them. 5 years ago, I wouldn't have believed it.

If your son likes baseball, keep in mind that the fall season is the more "relaxed" season as compared to the spring season, and is considered more developmental. My kid is in a very competitive Little League, which definitely has its share of jerk coaches and parents, unfortunately, but I've been pleased that all of his coaches, even the in-it-to-win-it ones, have been very fair with playing time and letting kids of all abilities try out various positions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also depending on the age of the other boys, you can intervene a little. When they say “he’s super slow” you can say “everyone should go at the speed they are comfortable” or “he is still learning. He’ll get faster soon.” No reason to let kids taunt him without response

Please don't be that Mom.
#landthehelicopter

I don't think I am a helicopter mom, but I agree with the above pp. I would have no problem telling a 5 year old that we are just playing and that (taunting) is not how you talk to people.

[Anonymous]

These kids seem like jerks. Where are their parents when they're acting like this?

My oldest is small and was never good at sports, but played soccer. The other kids were always really kind to him and overall supportive. My middle son is very athletic, very strong and an excellent athlete. We have always drilled into him how important it is to bring all the kids on his team along and help them be the best they can be. I just feel like this is really bad parenting on the part of the other kids.

Keep encouraging your son's love of sports. Hopefully you can find nicer kids for him to play with!

[Anonymous]

If he loves a sport, stick with it. You can't judge a child's performance down the road based on his skills at age 5. Private coaching would be really helpful if you don't have the skills or time to throw a ball with him for example. You can outsource what dad would have done back in the day (or what other parents are doing with their kids, athletics-wise).

That being said, not all kids are sporty and that's ok too. Music, chess, robotics, dance are all options for extracurriculars and yes these all apply to boys as well as girls!

[Anonymous]

This may come off as odd, but did you like it when the Nationals won the World Series? Caps the Stanley Cup? We like winners. To win you need skillz. 5 year olds have already been indoctrinated. Find some sports that fit your child and focus on those. What did DH play?

[Anonymous]

Those are such mean kids! 5 is little! Were these “friends”, strangers, or acquaintances in an organized league? I’ve had to shut down sports-related nastiness like this with a girl we know and we don’t hang out with her anymore. If your kid enjoys physical activity and others keep being mean to him, I would harness the energies of an older kid this summer to be his sports buddy. Find a kind friend of the same age and a nice h.s. kid who wants to make some money, and send them to play. There are a few little boys in my area with what I would call summer sports “mannies” and they are definitely envied by all the other under-10 boys.

If he continues to struggle with physical stuff or is bothered by motor skills delays, I’ve seen great recommendations for area PT gyms that specialize in children with continuing issues like this. The special needs forum has really helpful parents that could give you advice. Even if it is just a temporary delay, sometimes it helps to structure an approach to your concerns with the help of a professional.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous

Are you and your husband athletic? If not, it's more than likely your kids won't be either, and that's perfectly ok.

Yes, but the issue isn’t that he’s not good. The issue is that he’s bad enough that he’s getting made fun of in his own neighborhood. Poor kid. That’s not okay.

OP, I think you’re a great parent. Look up Soccer Starts at Home on Amazon. It will help you teach him ball handling skills at home. As a former teacher, I can say that soccer and kickball were extremely popular recess sports at my schools. I would focus on one or two sports that he really likes, rather than spreading his efforts so thin. Soccer is great for him, because height is less important than in other sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Are you and your husband athletic? If not, it's more than likely your kids won't be either, and that's perfectly ok.

Sorry, that line was a PP.^^^^

Yes, but the issue isn’t that he’s not good. The issue is that he’s bad enough that he’s getting made fun of in his own neighborhood. Poor kid. That’s not okay.

OP, I think you’re a great parent. Look up Soccer Starts at Home on Amazon. It will help you teach him ball handling skills at home. As a former teacher, I can say that soccer and kickball were extremely popular recess sports at my schools. I would focus on one or two sports that he really likes, rather than spreading his efforts so thin. Soccer is great for him, because height is less important than in other sports.

[Anonymous]

There are gyms that specifically help kids with delays master sports skills, ask on the special needs board if you are interested.

One of my sons has low muscle tone/poor motor skills and had several years of OT. He LOVES sports but was truly terrible. One thing that really helped him was classes at a ninja gym--I think the overall strength and balance work translated well to everything else, and he loved it so he was motivated (unlike doing push ups at home with mom or something). We also got a basketball hoop and set up some soccer goals at home. Some kids needs to practice 10x as much as other kids just to be in the mix.

For the sports your son wants to try, ask around to find out who the nicest rec coach is for that league, and request that team.

And your DH needs to step up. Who cares if he likes sports. Its important to your son to be good at it. A parent needs to be outside practicing skills with him religiously every day. Or you can hire an older neighborhood boy to come over and play with him. A kind middle school age boy would love a job like this.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I'm writing to say, it does get better! Unfortunately it could get worse before it gets better though, depending on the peer group.


My son is 17 and went through a similar dynamic for years.

What helped:

***Finding new cohorts of friends / expanding his social world.*** As an adult with a car and a bank account, you may have to do some social engineering to make this happen "organically" in a way a 5 yr old can't. ie, drive him to XYZ boy scouts/church group/art lesson in a distant neighborhood where the people are nicer.

—> Find groups that don't involve sports

*** Starting now, develop the hell out of any other skill-based passion he has, so he sees himself as very competent. This is important to boost self confidence. Art, complex lego kits, cooking, musical instruments, etc.

*** minimize the "sports nut" craziness that he's exposed to in your own home.*** [In our case, Dad is a big pro sports fan who highly values professional athletic ability and is a decent recreational athlete.] Do you -really- need season tix to the Nats? Why are you sitting down as a family to watch random hockey games on TV?

*** As your son matures and can handle frank conversations, be honest about innate ability and its limitations. I was never going to be an Olympic gymnast because I'm a 5'10" female. Not everyone is born with the potential to be Steven Hawking. Try your best, but understand that ceilings do exist.

THIS POINT IS CONTROVERSIAL but here it is:

I didn't shy away from telling my son from an early age that some people are a$$hole$. It's not you, it's him. And I didn't use touchy feely, equivocating language to describe the little kid's motivations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are gyms that specifically help kids with delays master sports skills, ask on the special needs board if you are interested.

One of my sons has low muscle tone/poor motor skills and had several years of OT. He LOVES sports but was truly terrible. One thing that really helped him was classes at a ninja gym--I think the overall strength and balance work translated well to everything else, and he loved it so he was motivated (unlike doing push ups at home with mom or something). We also got a basketball hoop and set up some soccer goals at home. Some kids needs to practice 10x as much as other kids just to be in the mix.

For the sports your son wants to try, ask around to find out who the nicest rec coach is for that league, and request that team.

And your DH needs to step up. Who cares if he likes sports. Its important to your son to be good at it. A parent needs to be outside practicing skills with him religiously every day. Or you can hire an older neighborhood boy to come over and play with him. A kind middle school age boy would love a job like this.

I was going to suggest Ninja Gyms. My DS loves his, he is 8 and ok at sports, but the Ninja gym classes are great. They work on balance, strength, agility, and body control. There is running and fun. The coaches at his gym are great. Maybe look for a Ninja Gym near by and see if they have classes in your sons age range. There are also Ninja teams. The one at my sons gym doesn't seem to require you try out but that you are willing to pay for multiple sessions a week. The competitions are more individual then team based. I think the team concept simply means smaller classes.