How to handle - DS being made fun of for not being good at sports

[Anonymous]

OP, this makes me want to cry. Do you know any of the moms of the other kids? Is there one you could reach out to and see if he kid would be willing to be an ally? I would ground my kids for life if I found out they made fun of someone the way these children are doing, and we always talk to them about standing up when they see someone being mean because being silent is as bad as being the bully.

[Anonymous]

It's not important to be good at sports. I would make sure he is getting sufficient exercise, keep practicing with him, and keep him in the classes he likes. There will be nice kids who will not care if he's good at sports. As he enters middle school, it's helpful to have a knowledge of how to play a few - even if it is something like frisbee or tennis - because this is part of how middle aged boys socialize. He doesn't have to be actively good, though.

[Anonymous]

It's not important to be good at sports. I would make sure he is getting sufficient exercise, keep practicing with him, and keep him in the classes he likes. There will be nice kids who will not care if he's good at sports. As he enters middle school, it's helpful to have a knowledge of how to play a few - even if it is something like frisbee or tennis - because this is part of how middle aged boys socialize. He doesn't have to be actively good, though.

Ugh, sorry - middle school, not middle aged. I'm tired.

[Anonymous]

Wow such great advice - thank you! I've never even heard of a Ninja gym, will have to check that out. I definitely feel like we are really spread out in a lot of directions as far as activities, thank you for helping me to prioritize. These kids were not people we knew, just some kids at the park. But I have seen it time and again with different kids as the result of him being the slowest/smallest/most uncoordinated!

[Anonymous]

Keep trying different things. My 3.5yr old can out throw, kick, run, scooter, etc. my newly 6yr old. My older child is cautious and doesn’t like going fast on a scooter or bike or taking the ball from people in soccer.

Has your son tried tennis? My son has started fencing and enjoys it.

[Anonymous]

I'm from TX and my dad and uncles have all worked and/or volunteered as baseball and football coaches. Teams are not where kids learn basic athletic skills. You need to teach them that stuff at home. By the time they're on a team, they should be able to do the basic skills that are part of that sport. I felt so bad for the kids whose clueless parents signed them up for baseball when they hadn't bothered to teach them how to bat, throw, or catch. Kids show up not knowing what direction to run in after you've hit the ball. This is just lazy and dumb parenting that's a set up for failure.

Your husband sounds like a jerk, tbh. If he's aware of the problems your son is having, why isn't he engaged in helping to figure this out?

I agree with the people who suggested more solo activities like biking, hiking, and archery. But that will probably mean that you or his dad need to accompany him.

I hate mean kids. This reminds me to remind my son to do what he can to be inclusive on the playground. Kids who are naturally athletic are so lucky. I was always super slow and awkward when I was a little kid. My goal in life for the annual school-wide field day was to not be last in every single event I was assigned. To this day I hate gyms because of the trauma!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you just not hang with those kids? Like if you are scooting and he sees the boys who make fun of him, say “those boys don’t treat you very nicely, let’s find people who do.” If it is the sibling of a kid who like to play with, just asking the parent if the younger kids can play Without the older.

In terms of phrases “yep, I am still learning.” or “that’s why I am practicing” or “I always try my best” and then move on.

this. Who are these kids making fun of him? Either way, don’t put your son in a situation where he’s around these kids and has to defend himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not important to be good at sports. I would make sure he is getting sufficient exercise, keep practicing with him, and keep him in the classes he likes. There will be nice kids who will not care if he's good at sports. As he enters middle school, it's helpful to have a knowledge of how to play a few - even if it is something like frisbee or tennis - because this is part of how middle aged boys socialize. He doesn't have to be actively good, though.

For boys, it is pretty important to at least be OK at sports.

[Anonymous]

He is only 5. My son started soccer at the end of soccer when he was 6. He is NT but on the small side. He likes to play rec soccer and is not that good. He is now 11. I don’t think he is the worst. I’m sure he has heard negative words throughout the years.

My middle child is 9 and is great at soccer and on travel. There are many jerks in sports. Lots of trash talking and these kids are only 9.

I hate sports. I hate driving to sports but I have 2 boys. I buy the equipment and they play in the backyard.

[Anonymous]

^ Maybe you should have played sports as a kid and grown some thicker skin - sad you are letting a few bullies ruin sports for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ Maybe you should have played sports as a kid and grown some thicker skin - sad you are letting a few bullies ruin sports for your kids.

What an awful response.

It sounds like her boys are just fine with things and are enjoying playing their sports at their respective levels. It sounds to me like Mom was not into sports and doesn't fully get why the boys enjoy sports with the trash talk and the like. But Mom takes the kids to their practices and games. The youngest is playing travel soccer and Mom is supporting that.

Not everyone is competitive or interested in playing sports. I happen to love it and was a fairly aggressive player. Our Coaches did not allow trash talk, we were pulled if for bad sportsmanship by our Coaches. I loved the competition and the activity. I get it but not everyone does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ Maybe you should have played sports as a kid and grown some thicker skin - sad you are letting a few bullies ruin sports for your kids.

Pp here. I still drive my kids to sports. I actually have 3 kids so I have to drag my youngest to all the practices.

I never enjoyed sports and my skin is thick enough. Thanks.

My 11yo who isn’t very good at soccer is good at tennis and golf. His fortes are math and science.

Op, I would focus on what your child enjoys. That could be sports, music, art, theater, anything. I found scouts to be friendly and welcoming. Ha. DH and I both dislike all the camping and scouts activities but both my boys love it. DH and I both try to stay home with the toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:5 yo DS LOVES sports of all kinds but he has a few delays, is on the smaller side, and is not particularly good at them. I have him enrolled in everything - gymnastics and swim on the regular before COVID. T-ball last year and canceled this year. Basketball camp. Karate. Soccer. DH does not practice or play with him much. I do what I can (but I am not at all good at sports!) so I put him in a bunch of classes so that he could learn. He likes the classes and no one makes fun of him - it is more during spontaneous play - like he's super slow on his scooter and other kids make fun of him. Or he joins some kids playing soccer and they make fun of him. He also has some language deficits that are just minor enough to make him sound funny to the other kids.

I don't have any expectation that my child is going to get an athletic scholarship. I just want him to be able to enjoy playground activity with other kids and not be taunted to the point that he no longer enjoys the things that he organically does love to do. I am totally fine with paying money for classes and exposing him to things to build his skills and helping him build confidence and find things he might be good at. After today's round of taunts playing soccer, I can also re-commit myself to getting out there with him to help him practice some things like basketball. His summer nanny is young and fit, and I can ask her to do more with him as well. What else should I do?

Because of his language deficiency, we practice a lot of self-advocacy, but mostly for the classroom. What are some self-advocacy things I can teach him if people say he cannot play or that he isn't good. Today, his nanny yanked him from playing with other kids because they were being unkind to him.

TIA

How do 5 year olds make fun of other 5 year olds?

[Anonymous]

Our DS is now 16, we went through this and it doesn’t have a happy ending (although not terrible, either).

DS was very slim, on the smaller side, but NT and average coordination. He was not physically aggressive but LOVED sports. My DH’s family is very athletic, I am medium athletic, and we thought sports would be good for learning sportsmanship, teamwork, etc.

DS player soccer, baseball, flag football ball, tennis, basketball— all the “typical” sports. DH would work with him daily to practice skills, we sent him to camps, got him extra coaching, etc because DS worshipped athletes and really wanted to be “athletic.” Nonetheless DS was not very good at any of these sports, even when we dropped down to a couple so he could focus on learning those skills. He constantly felt excluded at school when they played sports during recess - those same kids who would be kind to him during their sports practices or games (when parents were around) didn’t want him to play with them because of his poor ability. DS was very upset by this.

DS still loves sports, still would like to be an athlete, but it took until he was about 14 to accept he was not going to be competitive. I felt terrible for him and am angry that boys culture (and our culture in general) is so sports focused. FWIW, there is not the same pressure for girls.

The good news is that DS still plays basketball and tennis recreationally, is very fit, and has taken up running/cross country. He is still obsessed with sports, and follows all the different leagues.

If I had to do it over again, I would have forced DS to do other non-sports activities or sports that are individual rather than team. It was all he was interested in at the time, but I don’t think it has been a positive experience on the whole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also depending on the age of the other boys, you can intervene a little. When they say “he’s super slow” you can say “everyone should go at the speed they are comfortable” or “he is still learning. He’ll get faster soon.” No reason to let kids taunt him without response

Please don't be that Mom.
#landthehelicopter

I don't think I am a helicopter mom, but I agree with the above pp. I would have no problem telling a 5 year old that we are just playing and that (taunting) is not how you talk to people.

NP. What, the mom who parents your kid at the park because you are too lazy to do it? Trust me, we'd all love not to be that mom. But unfortunately some kids aren't taught appropriate behavior by their parents. I suspect these are also the kids who eventually move on to racial slurs and sexist behavior. So I call out what I can if I don't see another parent step up.
#learntoparent #basicdecency