How to handle - DS being made fun of for not being good at sports

[Anonymous]

5 yo DS LOVES sports of all kinds but he has a few delays, is on the smaller side, and is not particularly good at them. I have him enrolled in everything - gymnastics and swim on the regular before COVID. T-ball last year and canceled this year. Basketball camp. Karate. Soccer. DH does not practice or play with him much. I do what I can (but I am not at all good at sports!) so I put him in a bunch of classes so that he could learn. He likes the classes and no one makes fun of him - it is more during spontaneous play - like he's super slow on his scooter and other kids make fun of him. Or he joins some kids playing soccer and they make fun of him. He also has some language deficits that are just minor enough to make him sound funny to the other kids.

I don't have any expectation that my child is going to get an athletic scholarship. I just want him to be able to enjoy playground activity with other kids and not be taunted to the point that he no longer enjoys the things that he organically does love to do. I am totally fine with paying money for classes and exposing him to things to build his skills and helping him build confidence and find things he might be good at. After today's round of taunts playing soccer, I can also re-commit myself to getting out there with him to help him practice some things like basketball. His summer nanny is young and fit, and I can ask her to do more with him as well. What else should I do?

Because of his language deficiency, we practice a lot of self-advocacy, but mostly for the classroom. What are some self-advocacy things I can teach him if people say he cannot play or that he isn't good. Today, his nanny yanked him from playing with other kids because they were being unkind to him.

TIA

[Anonymous]

I can only imagine how difficult this is for him. It really comes down to practice, practice, practice with some good coaching and mentoring. I'd also think about concentrating on just one or two sports.

[Anonymous]

Same issue here OP. I feel sad for my son. He's been in sports since age 3, so it's not like he hasn't been exposed. All the other boys seem to possess a natural athleticism that he just does not. :/

[Anonymous]

I think you just need to find more supportive and less competitive places where he can do the things he loves to do. At age 5, there are plenty of options. Please don't feel pressured that he HAS to be good at sports though. He has his own strengths and part of your job will be to help him discover and nurture those strengths.

My 8yo has zero interest in sports, especially team sports. I think it's fine - I encourage her to keep active through other things, but she's really a bookworm and nature lover. My 5yo has natural athletic ability but is just socially anxious and is afraid to participate in group activities. But will eventually warm up with a group he gets to know and get familiar with. But I'm not pressuring him into anything either. They both have a bit of an independent streak, like my husband and me.

Are you and your husband athletic? If not, it's more than likely your kids won't be either, and that's perfectly ok.

[Anonymous]

My son was small for his age and pretty physically immature (and still is). He was attracted to individual sports after trying team sports. He fenced for 5-6 years and it was a great choice for him. He also played tennis and squash too. If he finds he doesn't like the team aspect of sports because he might not be able to keep up, there are lots of other choices. My son is now doing archery.

[Anonymous]

Can you just not hang with those kids? Like if you are scooting and he sees the boys who make fun of him, say “those boys don’t treat you very nicely, let’s find people who do.” If it is the sibling of a kid who like to play with, just asking the parent if the younger kids can play Without the older.

In terms of phrases “yep, I am still learning.” or “that’s why I am practicing” or “I always try my best” and then move on.

[Anonymous]

Also depending on the age of the other boys, you can intervene a little. When they say “he’s super slow” you can say “everyone should go at the speed they are comfortable” or “he is still learning. He’ll get faster soon.” No reason to let kids taunt him without response

[Anonymous]

I'd stick with the classes that he enjoys and leave it at that. My son was quite unathletic at age 5, and also really shy. He had few friends at school - just one or two girls would play with him. Now he's almost 11, very outgoing, and a travel soccer player. But that is because he decided he wanted to do it, not because I pushed it. He worked his way up from getting on the worst travel team from the waitlist to being a very decent player on a mid level team.

[Anonymous]

I was always big for my age. And no speech issues. And I stunk at sports. And I still do. I can cut carpentry projects to the 32nd of an inch, but hitting a softball is like swatting flies with a drumstick to me. Soccer is too much running around. Basketball, my aim stinks.

Tell him to try hard and enjoy it, and if people dont like it they can go ta hell!

[Anonymous]

The question is not how to make him better at sports. It’s how to find different friends. I have two unathletic boys (11 and 14) and they just know not to hang out with jerks who would make fun of them.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, I know how hard this can be as a parent.

Are his feelings getting hurt, or does he seem impervious to the taunts? In terms of self-advocacy, you can apply the same concepts you've taught him to use at school for sports. If kids are telling him he can't play, then he should say, "ok, maybe another time" just like he would in any other situation. When kids are taunting and being mean, teach him some responses like PPs above have suggested.

Is he playing with kids his own age? These kids seem pretty vicious for being so young. In my experience, girls that age can be pretty mean but most 5 year old boys are kind of oblivious and just want to run around and play.

[Anonymous]

Can you afford getting him private lessons that could help teach him how to improve his skills?

[Anonymous]

After today's round of taunts playing soccer, I can also re-commit myself to getting out there with him to help him practice some things like basketball. His summer nanny is young and fit, and I can ask her to do more with him as well. What else should I do?

I wanted to add - at that age, being good at soccer doesn't really have much to do with athleticism. It is basically all aggression. Maybe wait and see if he comes back to being interested in that sport in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also depending on the age of the other boys, you can intervene a little. When they say “he’s super slow” you can say “everyone should go at the speed they are comfortable” or “he is still learning. He’ll get faster soon.” No reason to let kids taunt him without response

Please don't be that Mom.
#landthehelicopter

[Anonymous]

“he is still learning. He’ll get faster soon.”

I wouldn't say that - it may not be true and also, even if he never gets faster, that's not an excuse to be cruel.