My freshman DD resents being home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you over parenting? She’s an adult, and used to making her own choices now.

Really? Adults support themselves and do not move "home" with mommy and daddy.

She is not emotionally an adult yet. She is a big kid who has just had her first taste of independence in college, and loved it, of course. Who wouldn't? And now she resents having to give it up for the greater good.

How do you think 18 and 19 year olds who got drafted into WW2 felt?

I was in the military at 18. I was an adult, and I’d be resentful to be forced home and over parented.

Cut the cord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you over parenting? She’s an adult, and used to making her own choices now.

+1000000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have her get a job watching someone's kids in the neighborhood.

They'll have their own kids to watch when they are middle age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you over parenting? She’s an adult, and used to making her own choices now.

+1000000

Totally agree. Give her space and treat her like an adult. Also, people are dying. She needs to practice gratitude. I have three college grads. One in college. One high school senior at home. If one of my kids started bitching about being at home, I would have my niece call and talk to them. She is an ICU nurse of the front lines. She watched three people die from the virus yesterday. You need to model gratitude and compassion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you over parenting? She’s an adult, and used to making her own choices now.

+1000000

Totally agree. Give her space and treat her like an adult. Also, people are dying. She needs to practice gratitude. I have three college grads. One in college. One high school senior at home. If one of my kids started bitching about being at home, I would have my niece call and talk to them. She is an ICU nurse of the front lines. She watched three people die from the virus yesterday. You need to model gratitude and compassion.

I'll bet that ICU nurse has seen many horrors throughout her career. Terrible car accidents, SIDs, near drownings, bad head injuries, accidental (and not so accidental) shootings, attempted suicides...

I could go on. But Coronavirus is not the only cause of tragic deaths. It's just the only one we seem to be talking about these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sucks for everyone. But she needs to grow up. She’s an adult, not a child. She sounds incredibly entitled.

And you have no empathy, whatsoever.

None.

Of course, a college freshman resents this. No sh*t. She is NORMAL.

So what? She has food, shelter and parents that care for her. That’s a lot more than a lot of people. She needs to grow up. Clearly she hasn’t dealt with any adversity in her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sucks for everyone. But she needs to grow up. She’s an adult, not a child. She sounds incredibly entitled.

And you have no empathy, whatsoever.

None.

Of course, a college freshman resents this. No sh*t. She is NORMAL.

So what? She has food, shelter and parents that care for her. That’s a lot more than a lot of people. She needs to grow up. Clearly she hasn’t dealt with any adversity in her life.

Some people actually don't want to be coddled and breastfed well into middle age. I know that I sure didn't want that.

I went to college at 18 and had my own place, supporting myself shortly after college. I loved my parents but I did not want to live with them and I think that this whole Covid quarantine thing is a much bigger hardship to this age group than you seem to comprehend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sucks for everyone. But she needs to grow up. She’s an adult, not a child. She sounds incredibly entitled.

And you have no empathy, whatsoever.

None.

Of course, a college freshman resents this. No sh*t. She is NORMAL.

So what? She has food, shelter and parents that care for her. That’s a lot more than a lot of people. She needs to grow up. Clearly she hasn’t dealt with any adversity in her life.

Some people actually don't want to be coddled and breastfed well into middle age. I know that I sure didn't want that.

I went to college at 18 and had my own place, supporting myself shortly after college. I loved my parents but I did not want to live with them and I think that this whole Covid quarantine thing is a much bigger hardship to this age group than you seem to comprehend.

It’s a hardship to have a safe place to go to? When people are losing their jobs? Dying? She clearly has led an easy life if she’s so ungrateful. Life is hard, it’s good she’s learning that now, when it actually isn’t that hard for her.

[Anonymous]

Give her a hug, tell her you understand, and then tell her to grow up. Have her read a few stories about what families are suffering through both physically and financially.

Seriously, if she can’t get over herself, you have bigger problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sucks for everyone. But she needs to grow up. She’s an adult, not a child. She sounds incredibly entitled.

And you have no empathy, whatsoever.

None.

Of course, a college freshman resents this. No sh*t. She is NORMAL.

So what? She has food, shelter and parents that care for her. That’s a lot more than a lot of people. She needs to grow up. Clearly she hasn’t dealt with any adversity in her life.

Some people actually don't want to be coddled and breastfed well into middle age. I know that I sure didn't want that.

I went to college at 18 and had my own place, supporting myself shortly after college. I loved my parents but I did not want to live with them and I think that this whole Covid quarantine thing is a much bigger hardship to this age group than you seem to comprehend.

It’s a hardship to have a safe place to go to? When people are losing their jobs? Dying? She clearly has led an easy life if she’s so ungrateful. Life is hard, it’s good she’s learning that now, when it actually isn’t that hard for her.

Freedom comes with a certain amount of risk. It always has, it always will. Many people have sacrificed their lives for freedom.

What is more risky in your mind: Storming the beaches of Normandy or going to the grocery store?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give her a hug, tell her you understand, and then tell her to grow up. Have her read a few stories about what families are suffering through both physically and financially.

Seriously, if she can’t get over herself, you have bigger problems.

And explain to her why creating these huge economic problems for people in this country (including decimating her own college fund) will ultimately lead to a better future for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you over parenting? She’s an adult, and used to making her own choices now.

+1000000

Totally agree. Give her space and treat her like an adult. Also, people are dying. She needs to practice gratitude. I have three college grads. One in college. One high school senior at home. If one of my kids started bitching about being at home, I would have my niece call and talk to them. She is an ICU nurse of the front lines. She watched three people die from the virus yesterday. You need to model gratitude and compassion.

I'll bet that ICU nurse has seen many horrors throughout her career. Terrible car accidents, SIDs, near drownings, bad head injuries, accidental (and not so accidental) shootings, attempted suicides...

I could go on. But Coronavirus is not the only cause of tragic deaths. It's just the only one we seem to be talking about these days.

New poster. Do you know what "false equivalency" means? You just created a false equivalency between the many other causes of death and coronavirus. That ICU nurse probably would ream you if she heard you.

Are you also one of these people claiming it's all a hoax?

[Anonymous]

Of course she does. Mine does too thankfully online classes started. But let her feel upset/scared/uncertain this is Not normal it’s somewhat like a slow dystopian trainwreck with our leader at the helm. She’ll come around but let her feel first whatever she’s feeling. May this be all that they grieve in the months ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you over parenting? She’s an adult, and used to making her own choices now.

+1000000

Totally agree. Give her space and treat her like an adult. Also, people are dying. She needs to practice gratitude. I have three college grads. One in college. One high school senior at home. If one of my kids started bitching about being at home, I would have my niece call and talk to them. She is an ICU nurse of the front lines. She watched three people die from the virus yesterday. You need to model gratitude and compassion.

I'll bet that ICU nurse has seen many horrors throughout her career. Terrible car accidents, SIDs, near drownings, bad head injuries, accidental (and not so accidental) shootings, attempted suicides...

I could go on. But Coronavirus is not the only cause of tragic deaths. It's just the only one we seem to be talking about these days.

New poster. Do you know what "false equivalency" means? You just created a false equivalency between the many other causes of death and coronavirus. That ICU nurse probably would ream you if she heard you.

Are you also one of these people claiming it's all a hoax?

I do not think that Coronavirus is a hoax. I do believe that it has been vastly overhyped. I also believe 110% that sugar will kill W-A-Y more people than Coronavirus will, ditto car accidents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you over parenting? She’s an adult, and used to making her own choices now.

Really? Adults support themselves and do not move "home" with mommy and daddy.

She is not emotionally an adult yet. She is a big kid who has just had her first taste of independence in college, and loved it, of course. Who wouldn't? And now she resents having to give it up for the greater good.

How do you think 18 and 19 year olds who got drafted into WW2 felt?

I was in the military at 18. I was an adult, and I’d be resentful to be forced home and over parented.

Cut the cord.

"Cut the cord"? What a blithely ignorant thing to say.

How exactly does OP do that? Send the DD to live in the backyard shed? Refuse to feed DD and expect her to order her own stuff online? Pretend DD isn't in the house at all? It's not like DD can just go back to college or go rent an apartment somewhere right now.

OP can try to let DD set her own schedule and not ask too many questions about whether classwork is getting done etc. And OP can try not to engage or respond to any ill-tempered, ungrateful comments. But DD is living under the same roof during a time when we are all being told not to go out, and "cut the cord" is a useless, nonsensical statement in that circumstance.

To OP:

So many people here are just grinding their own axes and not hearing your actual problem. My own freshman DC is home now for the rest of the semester. It is tough for us all because though we get along really well, and DC is not complaining outwardly, DC has gotten used to setting a schedule and following it, and with spouse now home working full-time here, it's crowded. DC loves college and misses it horribly and has classes that cannot be replicated reasonably online (think: totally dependent on class participation and group interactions). We are ALL navigating things that are totally different.

I agree with a PP who said please don't say to her that you wish she weren't home. It's fine to think it, OP! You are allowed your feelings and reactions, as is she. The key is not voicing them because they can be painful out loud. If your DD is maintaining a daily schedule of online classwork, that's a positive; encourage it. And just as we would do with young kids, find positive things to praise and point out. I know that advice will irritate the "They're adults!" DCUM crowd, but even adults need someone to point out what they're doing right sometimes, especially when those young adults feel out of control. And right now she surely feels she lacks control, just as she was getting used to feeling some level of control over her day to day life, her friendships, her activities. That's been jerked away unexpectedly from all the college and high school students now at home.

Create some family activities and invite her -- don't order her -- to come on a walk, help you cook, be in charge of one meal (if she likes to cook, as my DC does), watch a movie in the evening that she gets to choose one night. And so on.

yes, she's being ungrateful right now, and unpleasant, and not seeing the bigger picture. It's tough and I know that from experience here. I'm having trouble at times stepping back inside my own house and remembering we're not back in high school days and those interactions and checking in with DC. But I really hope you and your DD can improve things between you.