My freshman DD resents being home

[Anonymous]

- This is going to be a long 6 months... She is beside herself because she misses her boyfriend and when she's not self isolating in her bedroom (which is most of the time), she is really nasty to be around. She hated high school and was so much happier at OOS college so we get why she's so unhappy to be back. Any ideas on how to get her to come around? I've told her that we aren't happy she is home either because we know how much you love school but we have to all do our best and that we are all in the same boat.

[Anonymous]

Everyone resents this. It sucks for everyone.

I'd be very clear that she can choose to make the best of it or stay in her room. This isn't your fault and there is nothing to be done. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

First of all, everyone is dealing with the fear and loss of normalcy differently. Students are losing loss of independence and community as well. Zoom and Facetime are great, but they don't replace those things.

I wouldn't tell her you aren't happy she's home. I'd say you're sad that she is missing out on all the experiences you hoped she would have, but that you are happy to be near her and witnessing some of her learning.

Give yourself a break and give her a break, too. I've noticed that week 2 of this has been harder on many than week 1. I think things will get better as well all seetle into a routine.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure you can understand why, right OP? Just keep being nice. Be an adult who can accept your daughter's very legitimate feelings.

Just tell her you're all stuck in this situation together and have to make the most of it -- together. Let her be honest about how she feels and don't take it personally.

[Anonymous]

This sucks for everyone. But she needs to grow up. She’s an adult, not a child. She sounds incredibly entitled.

[Anonymous]

OP I don't think she's entitled or anything...I think first sympathy that you "hear" that it's hard for her etc, and then a gentle reminder that you all are having a hard time, and the important thing is we all do our part to make living with each other easier, so we don't catch each other's bad moods.

And for this message, timing is everything.

Also, at another time, maybe this could be said while in a joking banter (bc she's more likely to hear it that way): Every generation gets screwed out of some normal experience. Other generations were asked to forgo college to go to war so we could survive. We are being asked to sit on the couch so we can survive. We all have to buck up a little here.

(note how I didn't say "you" at the end...I put in "we" even though you are talking about her and college) Just to both soften it and get in there how everyone in the household is sucking it up)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sucks for everyone. But she needs to grow up. She’s an adult, not a child. She sounds incredibly entitled.

And you have no empathy, whatsoever.

None.

Of course, a college freshman resents this. No sh*t. She is NORMAL.

[Anonymous]

And, no, a newly independent 18/19 year old young adult who has just experienced life away from home for the first time is vastly different than a middle aged teleworker sitting at home with bored elementary school kids.

[Anonymous]

Probably missing alcohol, too. Or perhaps nicotine. Or weed.

Young adults pick up those bad habits in college. We all know this.

It could be that she's going through slight withdrawal, which includes the nasty behavior you spoke about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably missing alcohol, too. Or perhaps nicotine. Or weed.

Young adults pick up those bad habits in college. We all know this.

It could be that she's going through slight withdrawal, which includes the nasty behavior you spoke about.

My own college kid does not drink, smoke, vape, do drugs. He does like to hang out with friends, go to movies, restaurants, road trips to see sports games, the gym.

He's handled this whole thing very maturely and I've heard no complaining. We are grateful that his college classes have continued online without a hitch. I do feel bad for him and his peers, though. You are only young once.

[Anonymous]

She’s going through D withdrawal. It’s really that simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably missing alcohol, too. Or perhaps nicotine. Or weed.

Young adults pick up those bad habits in college. We all know this.

It could be that she's going through slight withdrawal, which includes the nasty behavior you spoke about.

No - it’s really simple. Just grumpy due to lack of sex.

[Anonymous]

Have her get a job watching someone's kids in the neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Are you over parenting? She’s an adult, and used to making her own choices now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you over parenting? She’s an adult, and used to making her own choices now.

Really? Adults support themselves and do not move "home" with mommy and daddy.

She is not emotionally an adult yet. She is a big kid who has just had her first taste of independence in college, and loved it, of course. Who wouldn't? And now she resents having to give it up for the greater good.

How do you think 18 and 19 year olds who got drafted into WW2 felt?