My freshman DD resents being home

[Anonymous]

I'm sure this has been said already but I'll say it anyway - it's okay for her to be really, really pissed about this. It is not okay for her to take it out on other people.

Sometimes parents want to be able to convince their children to agree with them or to have a different attitude (although it doesn't sound like you're doing that, OP) but, you know, sometimes kids are just angry and that's okay. What's not acceptable is to act like a toddler when you're old enough to be in college. Don't try to convince her to feel differently but do tell her it's time to stop acting like an asshole. She needs to learn to manage those feelings better.

[Anonymous]

Just give her some space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you over parenting? She’s an adult, and used to making her own choices now.

Really? Adults support themselves and do not move "home" with mommy and daddy.

She is not emotionally an adult yet. She is a big kid who has just had her first taste of independence in college, and loved it, of course. Who wouldn't? And now she resents having to give it up for the greater good.

How do you think 18 and 19 year olds who got drafted into WW2 felt?

I was in the military at 18. I was an adult, and I’d be resentful to be forced home and over parented.

Cut the cord.

Np. What do you mean by cut the cord? You mean move out during a worldwide pandemic ? Are you for real? This is not the time and isnt the advice op was looking for. Your advice could kill her dd. So stuff it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you over parenting? She’s an adult, and used to making her own choices now.

Really? Adults support themselves and do not move "home" with mommy and daddy.

She is not emotionally an adult yet. She is a big kid who has just had her first taste of independence in college, and loved it, of course. Who wouldn't? And now she resents having to give it up for the greater good.

How do you think 18 and 19 year olds who got drafted into WW2 felt?

I was in the military at 18. I was an adult, and I’d be resentful to be forced home and over parented.

Cut the cord.

Np. What do you mean by cut the cord? You mean move out during a worldwide pandemic ? Are you for real? This is not the time and isnt the advice op was looking for. Your advice could kill her dd. So stuff it.

I mean stop parenting an adult, even when they are living in your house. Respect them and their space as another adult, not as a child. If your sister had to move in with you, would you treat her the same as you treat your adult children?

[Anonymous]

OP here- clarifying- We didn't say "we wish she weren't at home with us". We said something to the effect of "we wish she could have finished her semester because we know how much you love school and are sorry that this is happening" ... I didn't word that well in my original post but absolutely didn't imply we don't want her home.

[Anonymous]

OP again- thank you all for the different perspectives.

[Anonymous]

I would understand her disappointment. I would be SO angry in her shoes. And I think you can convey that, and be empathetic.

Being nasty to you is not ok. You are not the reason she is home. So, that would be a no go and we would be having a conversation about that, for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again- thank you all for the different perspectives.

Most mature response ever in DCUM. Just keep modeling preferred behavior, she will catch on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- clarifying- We didn't say "we wish she weren't at home with us". We said something to the effect of "we wish she could have finished her semester because we know how much you love school and are sorry that this is happening" ... I didn't word that well in my original post but absolutely didn't imply we don't want her home.

It's good that you validated her like that, Op.

I remember what I was like at her age. My own freshman year was so fun, one of the best times of my life actually. Like your daughter, I also hated HS and I really came into my own in HS. I actually hated to go home for summer break but I had a summer job and a boyfriend and friends that I could go out with. We had so much fun going hiking in Skyline Drive and living it up in Georgetown. Even so, I couldn't wait to get back to college in the fall.

I'm lucky that my own son can finish up his semester online and he also has a job to go to. Not much else to do, but there is that.

Be patient with your daughter. Maybe suggest that she go for a jog to blow off some steam.

[Anonymous]

^came into my own in college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you over parenting? She’s an adult, and used to making her own choices now.

Really? Adults support themselves and do not move "home" with mommy and daddy.

She is not emotionally an adult yet. She is a big kid who has just had her first taste of independence in college, and loved it, of course. Who wouldn't? And now she resents having to give it up for the greater good.

How do you think 18 and 19 year olds who got drafted into WW2 felt?

I was in the military at 18. I was an adult, and I’d be resentful to be forced home and over parented.

Cut the cord.

Np. What do you mean by cut the cord? You mean move out during a worldwide pandemic ? Are you for real? This is not the time and isnt the advice op was looking for. Your advice could kill her dd. So stuff it.

I think PP just meant taking responsibility for a young adult’s emotional state at all times.

[Anonymous]

She needs to change her attitude immediately and cut the nasty crap. Is she paying for her phone? Her computer? If not, I would tell her that if she gives attitude once more, those get taken away and then she'll see how miserable it can really be to be home. She's too old to behave immaturely. NOBODY likes this. NOBODY is happy. EVERYONE is scared. We don't treat others badly because of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs to change her attitude immediately and cut the nasty crap. Is she paying for her phone? Her computer? If not, I would tell her that if she gives attitude once more, those get taken away and then she'll see how miserable it can really be to be home. She's too old to behave immaturely. NOBODY likes this. NOBODY is happy. EVERYONE is scared. We don't treat others badly because of that.

There are no jobs out there right now, have you noticed? The ones that are out there are filled.

I'm sure your teen would be more than happy to get a job, any job, and move away from you. Your house is not as "safe" as you seem to think it is.

It is o.k. for your teen to be upset about this. In fact, it is normal. It is not o.k. for them to take this all out on you but it's also not o.k. for you to tell them how they are supposed to be feeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give her a hug, tell her you understand, and then tell her to grow up. Have her read a few stories about what families are suffering through both physically and financially.

Seriously, if she can’t get over herself, you have bigger problems.

And explain to her why creating these huge economic problems for people in this country (including decimating her own college fund) will ultimately lead to a better future for her.

Trump ass kisser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you over parenting? She’s an adult, and used to making her own choices now.

Really? Adults support themselves and do not move "home" with mommy and daddy.

She is not emotionally an adult yet. She is a big kid who has just had her first taste of independence in college, and loved it, of course. Who wouldn't? And now she resents having to give it up for the greater good.

How do you think 18 and 19 year olds who got drafted into WW2 felt?

I was in the military at 18. I was an adult, and I’d be resentful to be forced home and over parented.

Cut the cord.

And in the military, no one was telling you what do?