One child in private, one in public. No special needs. Anyone doing this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:12.56 here. No, I am not trying to get this thread rolling. A parent sends her boy to a high quality private school and her daughter to the school that was not good enough for her son, it seems sexist to me. That was my honest knee jerk response with no other motives. If you do not like my opinion, that is fine, we can agree to respectfully disagree, but you do not get to simply dismiss my view. Perhaps, my response makes you uncomfortable. Is it the possibly of truth in it that offends you?

i see what you mean. then again, i also have a high needs, anxious, intense child (without a diagnosis) and i know how absolutely crucial the right environment is for her.

if i were you, op, i would keep ds in his private and send dd to dcps and see how she does. if she is getting shortchanged, then i think a re-evaluation of everything (money, location etc) is in order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:12.56 here. No, I am not trying to get this thread rolling. A parent sends her boy to a high quality private school and her daughter to the school that was not good enough for her son, it seems sexist to me. That was my honest knee jerk response with no other motives. If you do not like my opinion, that is fine, we can agree to respectfully disagree, but you do not get to simply dismiss my view. Perhaps, my response makes you uncomfortable. Is it the possibly of truth in it that offends you?

OP here. Have you not read anything I wrote? If you have an agenda about sexism, so be it, but this is OBVIOUSLY not what this is about. It is about fulfilling needs AND I said I would be OF COURSE willing to look at whatever school my DD would need when it came time for K, public or private. Please read the whole thread before making ridiculous assertions that do not add to the content or quality of the conversation.

[Anonymous]

OP, while it may not be your intent, it may seem sexist on the outside to others and perhaps to your DD in the future. With girls, who so often internalize their worries and insecurities, I would be leery of setting up this type of discrepancy between siblings.

And I totally hear you on the different needs. My older DD is also of the anxious type and my younger is very resilient. But I would still be concerned about the message it could communicate, even if unintentional.

[Anonymous]

OP here. How do you know if I am even telling you the truth about the sexes? What if I told you I had two BOYS. And I am trying to not to put ALL of my info out there?

[Anonymous]

OP you are the one that will be doing the extra drop off and pick up. Sometimes you will have to choose which open house to attend since many privates try to stay on the public school schedule as much as possible. The first child is often more anxious as we as first time moms are and the second child is often more flexible. If you get comfortable with public school your first child might as well.

[Anonymous]

Look, I was one of the first to respond to this thread, and I have my DAUGHTER in private school and my SON off to public.
PAHLEEZE PEOPLE.

[Anonymous]

I went to public and my brother went to private and he felt short changed. He felt that my life at school was much broader and itneresting than his life with private school. I tend to agree. I don't think it is fair to assume private is always better. It isn't. There are many kids, myself included, that do better with a public school setting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you are the one that will be doing the extra drop off and pick up. Sometimes you will have to choose which open house to attend since many privates try to stay on the public school schedule as much as possible. The first child is often more anxious as we as first time moms are and the second child is often more flexible. If you get comfortable with public school your first child might as well.

Ugh. This is NOT normal anxiety. I wish it were a first born thing. It is a "born like this" thing. My first child is highly sensitive, constantly worried about things he cannot control, cries easily. You should what we need to do to try new things, things that he WANTS to do. It is exhausting. Now, I am come from a long line of worriers and worry myself too, but I did not "first time mom" this kid into THIS level of anxiety. It is WHO he is. Now, it has gotten SO much better. SO much better, and he could do okay in public too. Maybe. But the maybe not is pretty darn big. Watching him in a crowd is pretty painful....he shrinks away. I do not want to baby him, but I don't want to throw him in the deep end either. I have to respect his temperment.

[Anonymous]

My brothers were both sent to private and then when the time came along for me they couldn't afford to put me in private. The boys stayed in private and I went to public. My education was just as good but I, to this day, feel slighted because of this. Your kids won't understand your reasoning. They will just see and feel the perception that your older son goes to private while your daughter goes to public. I wouldn't do it. I'd send them both to public and spend the money saved on the family or more evenly on both kids - piano lessons, a vacation, tutoring, etc...

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's a "grass is always greener" thing for the siblings. We had one in public and one in private. Our kid in public seemed to feel slighted, so we moved the kid to private too -- and the kid didn't like it! So the kid is back in public.

[Anonymous]

I think your plan makes a lot of sense. I have a semi-special-needs child (sounds somewhat like your child, actually) and if he needed private school I would do it (he is in preschool now). I would be making that decision based on what's best for him, without any regard to my plan his sibling, except where I have to balance logistics.

I grew up in a family with 3 children where we all went to a combination of private and public schools, in different amounts. We were fine with it. We each had different needs and it worked for us.

[Anonymous]

I have younger one in private, older one in public...each loves his/her school. Juggling different breaks, one having a two hour delay and the other not, etc is difficult and as they get older explaining why may become more challenging - but each having their own place has been great and has worked well for our different kids. good luck.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a family with the 2 older kids in private and the 2 younger kids (me included) in public. I did grow up feeling that I didn’t deserve the special treatment that my older siblings received, but private school was just one aspect. If there is constant parental time, money, and attention spent on the private school kids compared to the public school kids, the public school kids will (may) grow up knowing they are lesser kids. So, it’s not only the school decision. It’s how you run your family.

[Anonymous]

I was actually more sympathetic to OP until I read the description of the first child's so called "special needs." OPs description/comparison of the two children rings such a bell with me, and I have to join those who warn that OP's rationalizations may not translate into a lack of resentment from the second child. My parents constantly worried about and catered to my brother, because he was "sensitive." I, on the other hand, would "roll with it" so they didn't feel they needed to worry about me. I loved my parents and my brother, but I do, to this day, resent the attention and resources my brother got. My parents were right, in a way: I was fine, and the experience probably did make me much more resilient as an adult, but I felt (and maybe still feel?) isolated and less deserving of special attention than I should. When I was an adult, one day my Mother (spontaneously) apologized to me for this. At the time, I was going through a difficult experience, and my parents weren't able to be with me. When I assured her that I would be fine, she took the opportunity to tell me how terrible she felt, as she realized how unfair it was that they had they had spent all of their energy worrying about my brother and had just always assumed that I would be ok.

I would speculate that the special treatment/attention given to the first child doesn't/won't stop at the private vs. public school issue. By the way, all of the effort to protect my brother didn't do him any favors -- he has done ok in life, but it has taken him a long time to learn to be a truly independent adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was actually more sympathetic to OP until I read the description of the first child's so called "special needs." OPs description/comparison of the two children rings such a bell with me, and I have to join those who warn that OP's rationalizations may not translate into a lack of resentment from the second child. My parents constantly worried about and catered to my brother, because he was "sensitive." I, on the other hand, would "roll with it" so they didn't feel they needed to worry about me. I loved my parents and my brother, but I do, to this day, resent the attention and resources my brother got. My parents were right, in a way: I was fine, and the experience probably did make me much more resilient as an adult, but I felt (and maybe still feel?) isolated and less deserving of special attention than I should. When I was an adult, one day my Mother (spontaneously) apologized to me for this. At the time, I was going through a difficult experience, and my parents weren't able to be with me. When I assured her that I would be fine, she took the opportunity to tell me how terrible she felt, as she realized how unfair it was that they had they had spent all of their energy worrying about my brother and had just always assumed that I would be ok.

I would speculate that the special treatment/attention given to the first child doesn't/won't stop at the private vs. public school issue. By the way, all of the effort to protect my brother didn't do him any favors -- he has done ok in life, but it has taken him a long time to learn to be a truly independent adult.

Well said. But to me, private is not necessarily better. But I agree that OP should be careful about sending the wrong message to both kids.