DH cheated on me, and it would've been easier to be a widow

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry I experienced something similar and often thought how much better widows have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you go to counseling and try to stay together, if your marriage has otherwise been good? Why not try? I don’t think this has to be the end.

Did he tell you about the cheating? How did you find out?

He gave me an STD and he cheated with men, so...no.

So is he gay then? If he is okay with his parents and your friends knowing, maybe you can maintain a relationship with the parents and friends, and even have a friendship with him over time. People should understand that if he is gay, this marriage shouldn’t have happened in the first place. You mention that he is your best friend. Maybe one day you will be confiding in him about your next relationship.

[Anonymous]

I think the comparison is not okay. I am widow and devastated as are my children. I know you are hurting but don’t minimize other people’s suffering. My husband is dead, if he had only cheated on me, at least my kids would have a dad. And by the way, the sympathy and kindness lasts about 5 months.

[Anonymous]

I really think this is a distasteful thing to say.

[Anonymous]

My husband cheated on me and died. 10/10 I'd take him cheating again over him being gone from this world. You have no idea what it's like to be a widow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you go to counseling and try to stay together, if your marriage has otherwise been good? Why not try? I don’t think this has to be the end.

Did he tell you about the cheating? How did you find out?

He gave me an STD and he cheated with men, so...no.

So is he gay then? If he is okay with his parents and your friends knowing, maybe you can maintain a relationship with the parents and friends, and even have a friendship with him over time. People should understand that if he is gay, this marriage shouldn’t have happened in the first place. You mention that he is your best friend. Maybe one day you will be confiding in him about your next relationship.

Nope, he claims he's 100 percent straight. And of course he doesn't want me to tell anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the comparison is not okay. I am widow and devastated as are my children. I know you are hurting but don’t minimize other people’s suffering. My husband is dead, if he had only cheated on me, at least my kids would have a dad. And by the way, the sympathy and kindness lasts about 5 months.

I don't have kids (which also makes for a lonely future), so that was not in my personal calculation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband cheated on me and died. 10/10 I'd take him cheating again over him being gone from this world. You have no idea what it's like to be a widow.

OP here. I'm sorry for your loss too. If your DH's cheating had led to a divorce, and you didn't have kids to consider, I'm curious how being a widow would be worse. For the record, it's not a competition, I know. This was just my own personal thought exercise today. I was surprised to realize that, for me, considering the factors I listed in my OP, I think it would've been emotionally, socially, and logistically "easier" to be a widow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you go to counseling and try to stay together, if your marriage has otherwise been good? Why not try? I don’t think this has to be the end.

Did he tell you about the cheating? How did you find out?

He gave me an STD and he cheated with men, so...no.

So is he gay then? If he is okay with his parents and your friends knowing, maybe you can maintain a relationship with the parents and friends, and even have a friendship with him over time. People should understand that if he is gay, this marriage shouldn’t have happened in the first place. You mention that he is your best friend. Maybe one day you will be confiding in him about your next relationship.

Nope, he claims he's 100 percent straight. And of course he doesn't want me to tell anyone.

NP. In your situation, I'd be telling everyone. Not sure he'd even be able to pay me enough to stay quiet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband cheated on me and died. 10/10 I'd take him cheating again over him being gone from this world. You have no idea what it's like to be a widow.

OP here. I'm sorry for your loss too. If your DH's cheating had led to a divorce, and you didn't have kids to consider, I'm curious how being a widow would be worse. For the record, it's not a competition, I know. This was just my own personal thought exercise today. I was surprised to realize that, for me, considering the factors I listed in my OP, I think it would've been emotionally, socially, and logistically "easier" to be a widow.

Being a widow is worse because someone DIED. Got it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband cheated on me and died. 10/10 I'd take him cheating again over him being gone from this world. You have no idea what it's like to be a widow.

OP here. I'm sorry for your loss too. If your DH's cheating had led to a divorce, and you didn't have kids to consider, I'm curious how being a widow would be worse. For the record, it's not a competition, I know. This was just my own personal thought exercise today. I was surprised to realize that, for me, considering the factors I listed in my OP, I think it would've been emotionally, socially, and logistically "easier" to be a widow.

Being a widow is worse because someone DIED. Got it?

Honestly no, I don't see it that way. Please elaborate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband cheated on me and died. 10/10 I'd take him cheating again over him being gone from this world. You have no idea what it's like to be a widow.

OP here. I'm sorry for your loss too. If your DH's cheating had led to a divorce, and you didn't have kids to consider, I'm curious how being a widow would be worse. For the record, it's not a competition, I know. This was just my own personal thought exercise today. I was surprised to realize that, for me, considering the factors I listed in my OP, I think it would've been emotionally, socially, and logistically "easier" to be a widow.

Being a widow is worse because someone DIED. Got it?

Honestly no, I don't see it that way. Please elaborate.

My lord.

[Anonymous]

While those who have actually lost someone to death may feel this is an inappropriate comparison it is still the way the OP, and others, actually feel, so maybe just have a little respect for that? After all, it is an anonymous board where supposedly one could express their actual feelings. I'm sure the OP was not trying to minimize anyone else's pain.

[Anonymous]

Are you still technically married? Does he have life insurance?

[Anonymous]

How can he claim he is 100% straight if he cheated with a man??