Haunted by an old flame

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i feel sorry for your DH or current partner (assuming you're married or in a LTR). All that head space devoted to a guy and not focused on what you actually have.

That is a no. At least not by DCUM standard which will tell you that every single husband watches tons of porn.. so technically, they are also are in different "head space altogether devoted to someone else entirely.

I think about my wife when I watch porn. Frequently when porn is on, it is more the audio that I get into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you ocd in other ways? Or a perseverator?

Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think about my old flame when things are going good with DH and we are getting super close or hitting an even deeper level of intimacy. It can be quite scary being that vulnerable with someone. So thinking about old flame was a way for me to not feel so vulnerable with DH. And old flame was always emotionally distant. We'd have these intense moments, then we would run away. As much as it drove me crazy, looking back (and with therapy), made me see that on some level I wanted someone who would leave some space between us.

I starting thinking that it was good that I was fantasizing about old flame because it was a sign things with DH were good.

The bolded up there...
It seems that your Old Flame was an Aspie and if so, unless you are one too it could became an issue for you and the kids.
Google ASD and emotional distance etc.. you might see it differently and see if you really would be happier in such relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i feel sorry for your DH or current partner (assuming you're married or in a LTR). All that head space devoted to a guy and not focused on what you actually have.

That is a no. At least not by DCUM standard which will tell you that every single husband watches tons of porn.. so technically, they are also are in different "head space altogether devoted to someone else entirely.

I think about my wife when I watch porn. Frequently when porn is on, it is more the audio that I get into.

Let's wait for more hands to go up..

[Anonymous]

OP, this.. to you.. by "Eurythmics"

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
I travel the world
And the seven seas,
Everybody's looking for something.
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think about my old flame when things are going good with DH and we are getting super close or hitting an even deeper level of intimacy. It can be quite scary being that vulnerable with someone. So thinking about old flame was a way for me to not feel so vulnerable with DH. And old flame was always emotionally distant. We'd have these intense moments, then we would run away. As much as it drove me crazy, looking back (and with therapy), made me see that on some level I wanted someone who would leave some space between us.

I starting thinking that it was good that I was fantasizing about old flame because it was a sign things with DH were good.

The bolded up there...
It seems that your Old Flame was an Aspie and if so, unless you are one too it could became an issue for you and the kids.
Google ASD and emotional distance etc.. you might see it differently and see if you really would be happier in such relationship.

OMG--stop with the "EVERYONE IS AN ASPIE" stuff. Enough!

He's not on the Spectrum. He's messed up in so many other ways--ADHD and a touch of OCD and a horrible mother during his childhood. He is very emotionally close to his best (male) friend and sisters and nephew. It's just romantic relationships he can't figure out. Last I heard he was still not married or in a serious romantic relationship and he's 60.

[Anonymous]

Soulmates

[Anonymous]

What haunts me about old flames is that if I had married one of them I would have missed out on my husband and that would be a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Soulmates

This is OP. I don't believe in soul mates. People don't have a soul, whatever that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What haunts me about old flames is that if I had married one of them I would have missed out on my husband and that would be a nightmare.

OP here. I feel this way too! If I had married any of my exes and missed out on DH, I think my life would be a lot worse.

[Anonymous]

I definitely have periods of time where I get curious about an old ex, but they don't show up in my dreams. You should touch base with him and get it out of your system.

[Anonymous]

I wrote down all my memories and feelings on paper. I felt like a love struck teenager. And then I burned them. Something about the ceremony of this, I actually honored my feelings for this person, helped me move on emotionally a little. Sure I still think about this person, and he made me happy, but I’m not obsessing anymore. This was on the advice of a holistically minded friend. She told me to do it during a new moon cycle which I did whatever that means.

[Anonymous]

No I've looked them all up on social media and am thankful everyday!

Fantasies are fun and all, but reality is a whole another ball game.

[Anonymous]

OP, I could have written that word for word. And I'm happy to know someone in the world feels the same way. It's been 12 years for me and he is steadily in my dreams and random thoughts. The last time I saw him was the night I got engaged to DH. We ran into him on a side street in s city of 4 million people. Havent seen or had any contact since and my brain just cannot let it go.

[Anonymous]

My mom is now dating hers!

She's 66, he's 70. She thought of him for 50 years and they ran into each other at a funeral last year and have spent virtually everyday together since. She is like a love sick teenager and happy as a clam. It's really sweet.