Pet peeve- your kid is not “too smart” he is just poorly behaved

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you want her to do, OP? Parenting kids with behavior problems isn’t easy.

Parents who are constantly yelling at their three year olds and talking about how ashamed they are of their child’s behavior are at least as irritating as those who try to put a positive spin on it.

Just tell your friend that it’s fine that her kid didn’t get out of the pool and move on.

I never implied that it wasn't fine. But describing my kid as not smart because he did get out of the pool, when he is right there listening, isn't cool. And it's not putting a positive spin or your own child's behavior to disparage another kid in that way.

Describing your kid as not smart wouldn’t be cool no matter what. I mean, if her kid was reading complete sentences, and she told your kid that he is not smart because he isn’t reading yet, that wouldn’t be cool either. Your friend is a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you want her to do, OP? Parenting kids with behavior problems isn’t easy.

Parents who are constantly yelling at their three year olds and talking about how ashamed they are of their child’s behavior are at least as irritating as those who try to put a positive spin on it.

Just tell your friend that it’s fine that her kid didn’t get out of the pool and move on.

I never implied that it wasn't fine. But describing my kid as not smart because he did get out of the pool, when he is right there listening, isn't cool. And it's not putting a positive spin or your own child's behavior to disparage another kid in that way.

So this is basically a sour grapes post, then, OP. Jealous much?!

I'm not the OP, I'm the PP who she presumably was talking to with the "tell your friend that it's fine that her kid didn't get out of the pool . . ". because OP never mentioned a pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you want her to do, OP? Parenting kids with behavior problems isn’t easy.

Parents who are constantly yelling at their three year olds and talking about how ashamed they are of their child’s behavior are at least as irritating as those who try to put a positive spin on it.

Just tell your friend that it’s fine that her kid didn’t get out of the pool and move on.

I never implied that it wasn't fine. But describing my kid as not smart because he did get out of the pool, when he is right there listening, isn't cool. And it's not putting a positive spin or your own child's behavior to disparage another kid in that way.

So this is basically a sour grapes post, then, OP. Jealous much?!

I'm not the OP, I'm the PP who she presumably was talking to with the "tell your friend that it's fine that her kid didn't get out of the pool . . ". because OP never mentioned a pool.

Yeah, I'm OP and I didn't write the post about the pool, but it is completely the thing that I mean. And no it's not sour grapes or jealousy that my kid isn't "gifted" in the "master negotiator" sense that their kid is. I mean I'm the first one to admit to others that my kids aren't perfect, or to ask for advice. You're not doing your kid any favors by saying "well I can't expect him to follow any rules because he's just too smart and figures out the loopholes!", and it makes everyone around you roll their eyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid had a friend who was terribly behaved when mom was around. She'd always say, in front of her kid and mine, that his behavior was understandable because he was gifted. Sometimes, if we both asked our kids to do something, like get out of the pool for adult swim on a pool playdate, and mine did and hers didn't, she'd say something like "I guess there are some advantages to not being so smart". Now, I fully admit that my kid is not gifted, but I don't think the fact that he follows directions is evidence of such.

OP- this is exactly what I mean! Like no, the fact that your kid won’t follow a lifeguard instructions doesn’t mean they are “just too smart for this!” It means they are poorly behaved

I can't believe someone said this! And I've heard some absurd comments. Well behaved kids are less intelligent? Said no one, ever! Thoughts and prayers for her.

[Anonymous]

In my experience the people who say this stuff are actually trying to talk and negotiate with 3 year olds like they’re adults. It never ends and of course it’s exhausting. Usually they don’t realize how ridiculous they’re being. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

It’s probably that the mom is So powerfully dumb, that even a three year old is gifted in comparison. Seriously! What grown ass woman would let a three year old dominate her?!

[Anonymous]

Mom should give the kid a smack on the bottom and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience the people who say this stuff are actually trying to talk and negotiate with 3 year olds like they’re adults. It never ends and of course it’s exhausting. Usually they don’t realize how ridiculous they’re being. It is what it is.

now that my kid is older and we’ve gotten parenting therapy for other issues, I’ve really seen how BAD so many people are at parenting. I don’t blame them. it’s hard to do properly and nobody really teaches it. Most of the popular culture on parenting encourages parents to be really permissive and ineffective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience the people who say this stuff are actually trying to talk and negotiate with 3 year olds like they’re adults. It never ends and of course it’s exhausting. Usually they don’t realize how ridiculous they’re being. It is what it is.

now that my kid is older and we’ve gotten parenting therapy for other issues, I’ve really seen how BAD so many people are at parenting. I don’t blame them. it’s hard to do properly and nobody really teaches it. Most of the popular culture on parenting encourages parents to be really permissive and ineffective.

Can you give us some tidbits that you've learned in your parenting therapy? Sometimes I feel like I'm being really bad at parenting when my kid is acting up and I don't know if I should be bringing down the iron fist and making sure he knows who is boss, distracting him in hopes he'll forget about his outburst and move on, giving in because I realize halfway through his yelling that his request was pretty reasonable and I don't actually care if he does XYZ that he's asking to do.... I just feel like I need to be consistent and I suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s probably that the mom is So powerfully dumb, that even a three year old is gifted in comparison. Seriously! What grown ass woman would let a three year old dominate her?!

Love this! Dying. "So powerfully dumb" hahaha. You are funny and correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience the people who say this stuff are actually trying to talk and negotiate with 3 year olds like they’re adults. It never ends and of course it’s exhausting. Usually they don’t realize how ridiculous they’re being. It is what it is.

now that my kid is older and we’ve gotten parenting therapy for other issues, I’ve really seen how BAD so many people are at parenting. I don’t blame them. it’s hard to do properly and nobody really teaches it. Most of the popular culture on parenting encourages parents to be really permissive and ineffective.

Can you give us some tidbits that you've learned in your parenting therapy? Sometimes I feel like I'm being really bad at parenting when my kid is acting up and I don't know if I should be bringing down the iron fist and making sure he knows who is boss, distracting him in hopes he'll forget about his outburst and move on, giving in because I realize halfway through his yelling that his request was pretty reasonable and I don't actually care if he does XYZ that he's asking to do.... I just feel like I need to be consistent and I suck.

it’s really 95% consistency! And knowing how to properly administer positive and negative incentives. And ignoring as much as you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience the people who say this stuff are actually trying to talk and negotiate with 3 year olds like they’re adults. It never ends and of course it’s exhausting. Usually they don’t realize how ridiculous they’re being. It is what it is.

now that my kid is older and we’ve gotten parenting therapy for other issues, I’ve really seen how BAD so many people are at parenting. I don’t blame them. it’s hard to do properly and nobody really teaches it. Most of the popular culture on parenting encourages parents to be really permissive and ineffective.

Can you give us some tidbits that you've learned in your parenting therapy? Sometimes I feel like I'm being really bad at parenting when my kid is acting up and I don't know if I should be bringing down the iron fist and making sure he knows who is boss, distracting him in hopes he'll forget about his outburst and move on, giving in because I realize halfway through his yelling that his request was pretty reasonable and I don't actually care if he does XYZ that he's asking to do.... I just feel like I need to be consistent and I suck.

it’s really 95% consistency! And knowing how to properly administer positive and negative incentives. And ignoring as much as you can.

also - if your kid doesn’t have anything else going on, chances are whatever you are doing is fine! But if you want to shape behavior in any way (which seemed more important to me when I really wanted my child to learn chores) you may have to be more deliberate.

[Anonymous]

Just read a great book "Rest play grow." Connect with kid, say no and then help them thru their feelings by naming them, do not get into any standoff. I have been employing strategies and things are going very very well, it is amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s tongue-in-cheek, OP. Are you humor challenged?

It's SOMETIMES tongue-in-cheek; definitely not always. It's sometimes bravado to cover insecurity and feelings of hopelessness and powerlessness. It's defensive in the extreme.

Like when a few parents have observed my children, and their kids aren't even around and/are aren't even acting out, but they proactively say how "Billy can NEVER be that quiet and calm; his mind is just always whirring, and he's SO ACTIVE and blah blah blah..."

There's aggression mixed in with defensiveness when someone makes a backhanded compliment

[Anonymous]

OP, just keep repeating “Yes, Karen, I can tell.” every time the mom explains misbehavior as a sign of genius. She’ll never know if you are trolling her or not. It will drive her crazy.