Angry Wife & Emotionless Husband

[Anonymous]

You sound like my DH, who escalates, screaming and sometimes crying if I don't engage him when he is mad. Get help or set the poor man free. It really, really sucks to be on the receiving end of this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is a calm person, but he makes me angry. I don't know what to do because I have a problem, but only with him. I never get angry at my co-workers, friends, or children.

Today I had separated all these clothes and toys to give away. My husband threw them in the trash. I was angry. And, he didn't tell me. I happened to come home and see them in the trash. In his eyes, I was going to get rid of them, so what does it matter how he got rid of them? But that makes me angrier. Then he said that I make everything into a big deal and that made me even angrier. And then he started telling me that it was fine and that he'd take it out of the trash, but in a calm emotionless voice. That made me angrier.

I was yelling on our front porch so loud that my neighbor called the police. There was a male and female officer and they separated us. The female police officer was nice and sympathized with me and said she used to be like me, too, but now she stays calm and says "you should have communicated with me" calmly. She understood how him not engaging made it worse, but said that I'm the problem and need to go for anger management. Part of me feels like she is right and I should get help. But, part of me feels like she doesn't know my husband. He does this on purpose, or he doesn't understand the difference between giving away something and trashing it.

Does anyone else have an emotionless husband? Could this be Asperger's? How do you handle? Does counseling help with Asperger's? We've been to it before and I felt like we didn't make progress but I am willing to try it again. Should I go to anger management? What is that?

We have a good relationship, but I would say that these fights happen once a month. Sometimes they are more upsetting than others. This was the first time that the police were called, but we never fight outside. When things like this happened before, I assumed that my husband made a mistake and confused it with trash and took it out or let it go and never said anything to him. Now, that I do say something to him, I know that he is doing it purposefully. I love him but I am afraid he is going to send me to the mental hospital. I need help.

You are the problem. The police tagged teamed you and de-escalate the situation. If they come again you might spend the night in jail. Think about your statement. You got out of control because your husband did not get emotional with you? The police were called because you wanted to attack/fight with your husband. What happens if he responded like you do? You want that? Get help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing is more satisfying than destabilizing my wife and making her livid. It is a great game I like to play, let's me know I'm in control.

You are a sociopath, or a troll

[Anonymous]

You're angry because he does things that negatively affect you and then dismisses your feelings. Intentionally putting things that you already earmarked for donation in the trash is complete passive-aggressive bs. He did that to piss you off. After that, he refused to engage you so that he can shut down any discussion about how his behaviors negatively affected you. In other words, so he doesn't have to take any responsibility for his behavior.

Screaming until the cops were called is out of line. But your dh is not normal and definitely not the actions of loving husband.

[Anonymous]

I hope you don’t keep guns in your house. You’re scary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like my DH, who escalates, screaming and sometimes crying if I don't engage him when he is mad. Get help or set the poor man free. It really, really sucks to be on the receiving end of this

Why is he mad?

Do you care why he is disappointed with or mad at you?

Or do you prefer to ignore his comments and make him madder?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're angry because he does things that negatively affect you and then dismisses your feelings. Intentionally putting things that you already earmarked for donation in the trash is complete passive-aggressive bs. He did that to piss you off. After that, he refused to engage you so that he can shut down any discussion about how his behaviors negatively affected you. In other words, so he doesn't have to take any responsibility for his behavior.

Screaming until the cops were called is out of line. But your dh is not normal and definitely not the actions of loving husband.

+1

[Anonymous]

You experience him as quietly provocative. He may be or he may not be, it can't be determined by this post. You may know something about him that the rest of us don't know or you may be projecting your own aggression (or honestly, it's probably both). See a professional....these are complicated dynamics but over time it can become clearer and you can better understand and manage it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're angry because he does things that negatively affect you and then dismisses your feelings. Intentionally putting things that you already earmarked for donation in the trash is complete passive-aggressive bs. He did that to piss you off. After that, he refused to engage you so that he can shut down any discussion about how his behaviors negatively affected you. In other words, so he doesn't have to take any responsibility for his behavior.

Screaming until the cops were called is out of line. But your dh is not normal and definitely not the actions of loving husband.

+1

This, your yelling is going to make things worse. Maybe counseling for your self in how to handle your husband?

[Anonymous]

I might be annoyed if dh did that but not angry. Esp since you did not mark them "keep" or "donation."

Your anger is a big problem. His remaining calm is a good way to handle your irrationality
.I can't even fathom screaming loud enough for someone to call the cops for anything, unless he hurt our kids.

I also think there sock puppeting on this thread. If s man screamed abusively over something little we'd all be telling him to get his ducks in a row

You need help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to go to counseling right away. This is definitely your problem. People do not deserve to be screamed at because they stayed calm. People do not deserve to be screamed at full stop.

The police came. Because of you. And you still think your husband is the problem? Your husband is not the problem. You need to get yourself some help ASAP.

+2

[Anonymous]

You has to be screaming really, really loud for the police to come. You frightened your neighbor. That’s just not right; you DO need anger management.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The neighbor called the cops because you were yelling so loud. A police officer told you that you’re the problem and you need anger management. Yet you still want to blame your DH for your actions. You’re abusive. Get some help before your kids learn this dynamic and expect their partners to either be abusive or accept their abuse.

Also, have you ever considered that he’s unemotional because he’s trying to avoid your wrath? He’s probably trying to fly under the radar so you won’t flip out and have to have the cops come get you under control again.

Agree. You need professional help.

[Anonymous]

Your DH is right to stay calm and not get emotional when you get angry. You need some professional help.

[Anonymous]

Your emotionless husband does not hear you when you ask nicely, does respond when you ask pointedly, and does. Or respond once he pisses you off and you are yelling the same thing.

This is a manipulative game to him; please see a therapist to find a way to counter his game and decide if you want to stay with a man who is emotionally unsupportive, unresponsive and has no communication/conflict resolution skills.

Someone like that is very frustrating to live with day in and day out.