Nanny demanding extra money 2 days before my scheduled c section

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like nanny was feeling exploited. You CAN find someone else. Care.com is bursting with women (and a few men) who are desperate for work and will accept whatever terms you favor. Show nanny that you aren’t a chump!

Thank you for this. It is scary to think about finding something/someone new so its hopeful to hear it can be done readily!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are asking her to do extra hours and more duties, then its reasonable to give her a bit more money and a raise after the child is born. I don't think its unreasonable. This is her job. If you got more duties, more hours, etc. you would expect a raise. It sounds like you cannot afford three kids an a nanny and that is not her problem.

We're not talking about after my maternity leave, we're talking about more hours and money starting immediately like when I check into the hospital in two days. Oh, and she will no longer do the things we have been paying her to do.

Yeah, I don't like that. My nanny asked for a raise when I had a second kid, and we had an agreement about the new terms once I had a second child (in writing). But what your nanny is doing is hostage negotiation. I'm guessing you didn't have a written contract, but in the future, that might help avoid situations like this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have any friends who can help you? If so, I’d refuse and give her notice, and then make it work. I don’t think it could trust my children with someone so opportunistic. Her behavior is gross.

I want to do this but my DH is talking me off the ledge as he doesn't want to put anyone out or be a burden. There is an option for him to go on a longer paternity leave but then we would have to dip into our savings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like nanny was feeling exploited. You CAN find someone else. Care.com is bursting with women (and a few men) who are desperate for work and will accept whatever terms you favor. Show nanny that you aren’t a chump!

Thank you for this. It is scary to think about finding something/someone new so its hopeful to hear it can be done readily!

I'm sorry but this is kind of terrible advice.

This is a human who will be in your home and taking care of your children. The goal isn't to find a person that is desperate for work who will accept your terms, whatever they are. Dear God.

Only you know if you have been fair to this nanny. If you have, then she is in the wrong and has taken advantage of you. Pay her for now and then regroup after the birth of your baby. If you need to find someone new, you will be able to with some time and effort.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are asking her to do extra hours and more duties, then its reasonable to give her a bit more money and a raise after the child is born. I don't think its unreasonable. This is her job. If you got more duties, more hours, etc. you would expect a raise. It sounds like you cannot afford three kids an a nanny and that is not her problem.

We're not talking about after my maternity leave, we're talking about more hours and money starting immediately like when I check into the hospital in two days. Oh, and she will no longer do the things we have been paying her to do.

You should pay her OT - time and a half for any extra hours over 40. You tell her you will pay her xxx and that you expect the following to be done - meals cooked, laundry done, quick vacuum of areas she uses or what ever you agreed to. Its not fair to ask her to work more hours while you are in the hospital for the same pay. Then, if she doesn't continue to do the things required finds new nanny. But, if you are requesting more hours for the same pay, that's not reasonable. Quality of work is separate from work hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have any friends who can help you? If so, I’d refuse and give her notice, and then make it work. I don’t think it could trust my children with someone so opportunistic. Her behavior is gross.

I want to do this but my DH is talking me off the ledge as he doesn't want to put anyone out or be a burden. There is an option for him to go on a longer paternity leave but then we would have to dip into our savings.

You don't ask friends to pitch in. You have 6 weeks of maternity leave to find someone. You chose to have three kids. That's a lot of kids to put on someone else who has their own kids.

Nanny is not unreasonable to ask for additional pay if you are asking her to work more hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are asking her to do extra hours and more duties, then its reasonable to give her a bit more money and a raise after the child is born. I don't think its unreasonable. This is her job. If you got more duties, more hours, etc. you would expect a raise. It sounds like you cannot afford three kids an a nanny and that is not her problem.

We're not talking about after my maternity leave, we're talking about more hours and money starting immediately like when I check into the hospital in two days. Oh, and she will no longer do the things we have been paying her to do.

You should pay her OT - time and a half for any extra hours over 40. You tell her you will pay her xxx and that you expect the following to be done - meals cooked, laundry done, quick vacuum of areas she uses or what ever you agreed to. Its not fair to ask her to work more hours while you are in the hospital for the same pay. Then, if she doesn't continue to do the things required finds new nanny. But, if you are requesting more hours for the same pay, that's not reasonable. Quality of work is separate from work hours.

Who said OP wasn't paying her nanny OT? It's illegal not to pay your nanny OT in all of the DC area states--it's not an option you provide as a perk during maternity leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like nanny was feeling exploited. You CAN find someone else. Care.com is bursting with women (and a few men) who are desperate for work and will accept whatever terms you favor. Show nanny that you aren’t a chump!

Thank you for this. It is scary to think about finding something/someone new so its hopeful to hear it can be done readily!

OP, I am pretty sure this person is being sarcastic. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

I understand that you’re stressed right now. And this probably feels like a terrible time, but there is no good time to bring this up. If it makes you feel any better the nanny has probably been stressing out about this since you brought it up.

You said you talked to the nanny about added responsibilities earlier this month (so, already late in the pregnancy.) Did this include a raise for after the baby arrives? If not, she could be feeling very exploited being asked to do extra work, and longer hours for no extra pay. You would have been just as upset and emotional if she had brought this up when you had a newborn. From her prospective, you’re asking more and more and offering nothing in compensation. She probably feels backed into a corner as much as you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could you talk to her and say "you agreed to these terms when we spoke earlier. has something changed that you no longer think our prior agreement will work?"

Agreed that you need to find a new nanny, but maybe you can work with her to get more out of her (or at least call her out on reneging on your agreement).

+1
This was my first thought too. You both agreed to a predetermined amount.

She might be bluffing. Sorta testing you knowing full well you are at her will. On a side note, that doesn't seem like a very trusting character trait. I'd be weary of thi gs from here on out (the paranoid side of me imagines 1 or 2 pieces of my jewelry go missing).
She might even have the nerve to ask for even more money in a week or 2 citing lame excuses like "you asked me to do wash the baby bottles, but now you want me to bring them all upstairs too? And you want me to heat up dinner your neighbors brought over?! This is too much, blag blah".

[Anonymous]

Do what you need to do to get through the next few weeks. Both of you are unhappy at this point, and resentment is building on both sides. Not likely to bounce back from this. I'd start exploring other care options now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could you talk to her and say "you agreed to these terms when we spoke earlier. has something changed that you no longer think our prior agreement will work?"

Agreed that you need to find a new nanny, but maybe you can work with her to get more out of her (or at least call her out on reneging on your agreement).

+1
This was my first thought too. You both agreed to a predetermined amount.

She might be bluffing. Sorta testing you knowing full well you are at her will. On a side note, that doesn't seem like a very trusting character trait. I'd be weary of thi gs from here on out (the paranoid side of me imagines 1 or 2 pieces of my jewelry go missing).
She might even have the nerve to ask for even more money in a week or 2 citing lame excuses like "you asked me to do wash the baby bottles, but now you want me to bring them all upstairs too? And you want me to heat up dinner your neighbors brought over?! This is too much, blag blah".

Don't people do written contracts with their nannies ? We have one with our nanny that specifies what she does and doesn't do. No surprises. I've typically been happy that my nanny goes well beyond what we agree are her normal duties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a nanny, I can tell you that your nanny is 100% in the wrong here. I am sorry this is happening to you, OP. Give her the extorted money and then fire her ass ASAP. She is making such a stupid, short-sighted error here as she will need you for a reference.

+1. Another nanny here who thinks your nanny sucks. You do not do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing what happened is she talked to some nanny buddies and realized she's not getting what they are getting or she's doing duties that other nannies aren't doing for the same level of pay. I have had a nanny and have been through this dynamic.

This is what is tricky about the nanny-parent dynamic. It is an incredibly personal relationship. This person is in your home and taking care of your children. But then also, it's a business relationship and she's not a part of your family, she's working for you and has her own needs to look out for.

It sounds like her timing sucks. No question about that. But try to figure out if what she's asking for is fair and if she's a good, reliable nanny who loves your kids, don't be so eager to get rid of her. They are hard to find.

It sounds like there’s an element of truth to the above. A nanny who meal preps and drives the kids around is pretty hard to find. She might be feeling unappreciated already and your maternity leave expectations might have been the proverbial straw that broke the camels back.

You haven’t responded about how much you’re paying her and what kind of raise she’s getting after the baby arrives. Were you planning on paying her overtime during your hospital stay? Or were you expecting more hours at the same rate?

[Anonymous]

Have you given her raise recently?