Nanny demanding extra money 2 days before my scheduled c section

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of the questions about whether the nanny is being paid enough and whether it’s reasonable for her to want more are missing the key issue here, which is that you don’t spring this on your employer two days before she’s about to have major surgery and doesn’t have the opportunity to work through it with you in a meaningful way. Whether her feelings on her employment are valid or not, this was calculated to be as coercive as possible, which isn’t how someone in a position of trust should behave.

OP said these were tasks she was already doing, and that now she refused to do them.

OP, were these "extra" tasks she was doing, above what you originally agreed on? And she said now that there was another child coming, she wouldn't be able to keep doing the extras for free?

That is the interpretation that makes the most sense to me, but suspect OP is leaving something out -- knowingly or not.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here-

Your nanny is unreasonable and not very smart. Now she will be out of a job and a reference! I’d pay her now, then look for a new nanny and fire her without notice or serenade.

[Anonymous]

Op here- we live in a low COL area and we pay our nannny very well. I know in my heart we have been good to her. The things we are asking her to do are things she has been responsible for all along, she has simply decided she can no longer do them.

I have trusted her completely with my kids. I have no nanny cams or find a friend tracker on her phone. She puts my 3 year old in her car and off they go to wherever she wants- target, her house, museum, visiting her friends, etc. I was only asking for a continuation of this work with more hours through the month of August.

[Anonymous]

I was not asking for any help with the baby at all.

[Anonymous]

We had a similar situation. 4 months into job our nanny said she was overworked and under paid.

She was guaranteed 45 hours - paid 40 at the rate she asked + 5 hours at time and a half. Typically we only used 40-42 hours but had the flex hour each day incase we got caught in traffic.

What happened was once the weather got nice and she started getting to know the other more experienced nannies in the neighborhood she learned that she was on the low side of the pay scale. What she did not understand was that these other nannies had more responsibilities. I know because I spoke with a lot of moms in the neighborhood to understand how the structured their nanny contracts. I did not want to be bothered with managing a bunch of tasks for an employee and had stripped out a lot of what others were asking them to do.

I was not in the position to pay this nanny top dollar for minimal responsibilities. I met her in the middle and started searching for a new nanny. My experience in industry told me that once someone is looking, they will be gone within 6 months even if you give them a raise. Thank goodness I started looking for a new nanny because even though I had a 1 year contract with her - she decided to quit 6 weeks later and gave me 2 weeks notice. (I know not enforceable - but I had structured it such that she got a bonus if she stayed more than a year)

The reality was that the commute was hard on her and I did not have flexibility to start the day and later as I needed to leave for work.
She asked for the prorated bonus when she quit - I explained that it was only paid out after 1 year per what was in the contract.

My guess in your situation - someone has been telling her that you are taking advantage of her and she needs to stand up for herself and ask for more money.

My recommendation - go and enjoy you new family together. I assume you are home for a few weeks. After everything settles - start interviewing new candidates. When you fire your current nanny. You can be an a$$ if you want - do it on a Friday and tell her that you no longer need her services. Pay her for the week - her unpaid accrued vacation - make sure you get the house keys and car keys and credit card and wish her luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of the questions about whether the nanny is being paid enough and whether it’s reasonable for her to want more are missing the key issue here, which is that you don’t spring this on your employer two days before she’s about to have major surgery and doesn’t have the opportunity to work through it with you in a meaningful way. Whether her feelings on her employment are valid or not, this was calculated to be as coercive as possible, which isn’t how someone in a position of trust should behave.

OP said these were tasks she was already doing, and that now she refused to do them.

OP, were these "extra" tasks she was doing, above what you originally agreed on? And she said now that there was another child coming, she wouldn't be able to keep doing the extras for free?

That is the interpretation that makes the most sense to me, but suspect OP is leaving something out -- knowingly or not.

I think OP is understandably hormonal and panicky as is her DH. I suspect the nanny has a different side of the story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- we live in a low COL area and we pay our nannny very well. I know in my heart we have been good to her. The things we are asking her to do are things she has been responsible for all along, she has simply decided she can no longer do them.

I have trusted her completely with my kids. I have no nanny cams or find a friend tracker on her phone. She puts my 3 year old in her car and off they go to wherever she wants- target, her house, museum, visiting her friends, etc. I was only asking for a continuation of this work with more hours through the month of August.

Nanny is spoiled by this having so much freedom. Now she wants to have it even better: rich family with one child. She’s probably in for a shock after you let her go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nanny did this to me when I was about to give birth to my second child. She told me that she was going to be out of town and needed a raise. I was able to call her bluff. I had local parents and I told her that if she couldn’t work for the agreed wages that my parents would take over and she would be out of a job. I told her that this would be unfortunate for my first born to whom she was attached as he transitioned to having a sibling. She very quickly dropped her demands. In your case, I would pay for now and start interviewing. This is very unprofessional behavior.

so you didn't give her a raise for the second kid?

Of course she got a very nice raise for the second child. She wanted another raise. She was constantly hassling me to loan her money, to store her snow tires, to pay her cousin ‘s excessive phone bill, to borrow things and then “lose them”, etc. Really tiresome behavior. Whenever I received these requests I would ask myself if it was something that I would feel comfortable asking of my own boss.

This has nothing to do with OP. Separate issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- we live in a low COL area and we pay our nannny very well. I know in my heart we have been good to her. The things we are asking her to do are things she has been responsible for all along, she has simply decided she can no longer do them.

I have trusted her completely with my kids. I have no nanny cams or find a friend tracker on her phone. She puts my 3 year old in her car and off they go to wherever she wants- target, her house, museum, visiting her friends, etc. I was only asking for a continuation of this work with more hours through the month of August.

OP, living in a low COLA area has nothing to do with it. You may thing your pay is fair but it may not be a living wage for her. Your comments about no nanny cam and her doing what ever she wants sound like neglectful parenting as it is your job to know where you child is.

You never answered the topics about the extra hours the next few weeks - are you giving her a flat salary or paying her extra, especially if she's doing 24/7 for two days while you are in the hospital. What isn't she doing and why haven't you asked her to do them? It sounds like there is a lot more to this story. Why did you wait so long to have a discussion. Maybe during the discussion she didn't feel comfortable asking for more money or discuss the situation as you put her on the spot. When she realized she'd be working double the hours through August with no extra pay, she has a right to be upset.

Why do you need double hours through August? Maybe for a week or two but after that, you need to learn to take care of three kids.

P.S. you don't put a tracker on her phone. You give her a phone and put a tracker on your phone. You should have camera's in your house. They are very helpful for safety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a similar situation. 4 months into job our nanny said she was overworked and under paid.

She was guaranteed 45 hours - paid 40 at the rate she asked + 5 hours at time and a half. Typically we only used 40-42 hours but had the flex hour each day incase we got caught in traffic.

What happened was once the weather got nice and she started getting to know the other more experienced nannies in the neighborhood she learned that she was on the low side of the pay scale. What she did not understand was that these other nannies had more responsibilities. I know because I spoke with a lot of moms in the neighborhood to understand how the structured their nanny contracts. I did not want to be bothered with managing a bunch of tasks for an employee and had stripped out a lot of what others were asking them to do.

I was not in the position to pay this nanny top dollar for minimal responsibilities. I met her in the middle and started searching for a new nanny. My experience in industry told me that once someone is looking, they will be gone within 6 months even if you give them a raise. Thank goodness I started looking for a new nanny because even though I had a 1 year contract with her - she decided to quit 6 weeks later and gave me 2 weeks notice. (I know not enforceable - but I had structured it such that she got a bonus if she stayed more than a year)

The reality was that the commute was hard on her and I did not have flexibility to start the day and later as I needed to leave for work.
She asked for the prorated bonus when she quit - I explained that it was only paid out after 1 year per what was in the contract.

My guess in your situation - someone has been telling her that you are taking advantage of her and she needs to stand up for herself and ask for more money.

My recommendation - go and enjoy you new family together. I assume you are home for a few weeks. After everything settles - start interviewing new candidates. When you fire your current nanny. You can be an a$$ if you want - do it on a Friday and tell her that you no longer need her services. Pay her for the week - her unpaid accrued vacation - make sure you get the house keys and car keys and credit card and wish her luck.

This is not similar. You are not adding extra hours, extra work and an extra child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a nanny, I can tell you that your nanny is 100% in the wrong here. I am sorry this is happening to you, OP. Give her the extorted money and then fire her ass ASAP. She is making such a stupid, short-sighted error here as she will need you for a reference.

+1. Another nanny here who thinks your nanny sucks. You do not do this.

+2. Another nanny here. I’ve read all the posts and OP’s updates, and I feel that this nanny is wrong. Sorry, OP. You sound fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a similar situation. 4 months into job our nanny said she was overworked and under paid.

She was guaranteed 45 hours - paid 40 at the rate she asked + 5 hours at time and a half. Typically we only used 40-42 hours but had the flex hour each day incase we got caught in traffic.

What happened was once the weather got nice and she started getting to know the other more experienced nannies in the neighborhood she learned that she was on the low side of the pay scale. What she did not understand was that these other nannies had more responsibilities. I know because I spoke with a lot of moms in the neighborhood to understand how the structured their nanny contracts. I did not want to be bothered with managing a bunch of tasks for an employee and had stripped out a lot of what others were asking them to do.

I was not in the position to pay this nanny top dollar for minimal responsibilities. I met her in the middle and started searching for a new nanny. My experience in industry told me that once someone is looking, they will be gone within 6 months even if you give them a raise. Thank goodness I started looking for a new nanny because even though I had a 1 year contract with her - she decided to quit 6 weeks later and gave me 2 weeks notice. (I know not enforceable - but I had structured it such that she got a bonus if she stayed more than a year)

The reality was that the commute was hard on her and I did not have flexibility to start the day and later as I needed to leave for work.
She asked for the prorated bonus when she quit - I explained that it was only paid out after 1 year per what was in the contract.

My guess in your situation - someone has been telling her that you are taking advantage of her and she needs to stand up for herself and ask for more money.

My recommendation - go and enjoy you new family together. I assume you are home for a few weeks. After everything settles - start interviewing new candidates. When you fire your current nanny. You can be an a$$ if you want - do it on a Friday and tell her that you no longer need her services. Pay her for the week - her unpaid accrued vacation - make sure you get the house keys and car keys and credit card and wish her luck.

This is not similar. You are not adding extra hours, extra work and an extra child.

The OP is only adding extra hours - she said the responsibilities were the same and she wasn’t asking for help with the new baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a similar situation. 4 months into job our nanny said she was overworked and under paid.

She was guaranteed 45 hours - paid 40 at the rate she asked + 5 hours at time and a half. Typically we only used 40-42 hours but had the flex hour each day incase we got caught in traffic.

What happened was once the weather got nice and she started getting to know the other more experienced nannies in the neighborhood she learned that she was on the low side of the pay scale. What she did not understand was that these other nannies had more responsibilities. I know because I spoke with a lot of moms in the neighborhood to understand how the structured their nanny contracts. I did not want to be bothered with managing a bunch of tasks for an employee and had stripped out a lot of what others were asking them to do.

I was not in the position to pay this nanny top dollar for minimal responsibilities. I met her in the middle and started searching for a new nanny. My experience in industry told me that once someone is looking, they will be gone within 6 months even if you give them a raise. Thank goodness I started looking for a new nanny because even though I had a 1 year contract with her - she decided to quit 6 weeks later and gave me 2 weeks notice. (I know not enforceable - but I had structured it such that she got a bonus if she stayed more than a year)

The reality was that the commute was hard on her and I did not have flexibility to start the day and later as I needed to leave for work.
She asked for the prorated bonus when she quit - I explained that it was only paid out after 1 year per what was in the contract.

My guess in your situation - someone has been telling her that you are taking advantage of her and she needs to stand up for herself and ask for more money.

My recommendation - go and enjoy you new family together. I assume you are home for a few weeks. After everything settles - start interviewing new candidates. When you fire your current nanny. You can be an a$$ if you want - do it on a Friday and tell her that you no longer need her services. Pay her for the week - her unpaid accrued vacation - make sure you get the house keys and car keys and credit card and wish her luck.

This is not similar. You are not adding extra hours, extra work and an extra child.

The OP is only adding extra hours - she said the responsibilities were the same and she wasn’t asking for help with the new baby.

It sounds like there is a responsibility issue and it will be added to while she is in the hospital. She is not saying she offered extra for when she's at the hospital. It sounds like she pays a set amount per week and demanded extra hours. She will be needing help with the baby when she returns to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a similar situation. 4 months into job our nanny said she was overworked and under paid.

She was guaranteed 45 hours - paid 40 at the rate she asked + 5 hours at time and a half. Typically we only used 40-42 hours but had the flex hour each day incase we got caught in traffic.

What happened was once the weather got nice and she started getting to know the other more experienced nannies in the neighborhood she learned that she was on the low side of the pay scale. What she did not understand was that these other nannies had more responsibilities. I know because I spoke with a lot of moms in the neighborhood to understand how the structured their nanny contracts. I did not want to be bothered with managing a bunch of tasks for an employee and had stripped out a lot of what others were asking them to do.

I was not in the position to pay this nanny top dollar for minimal responsibilities. I met her in the middle and started searching for a new nanny. My experience in industry told me that once someone is looking, they will be gone within 6 months even if you give them a raise. Thank goodness I started looking for a new nanny because even though I had a 1 year contract with her - she decided to quit 6 weeks later and gave me 2 weeks notice. (I know not enforceable - but I had structured it such that she got a bonus if she stayed more than a year)

The reality was that the commute was hard on her and I did not have flexibility to start the day and later as I needed to leave for work.
She asked for the prorated bonus when she quit - I explained that it was only paid out after 1 year per what was in the contract.

My guess in your situation - someone has been telling her that you are taking advantage of her and she needs to stand up for herself and ask for more money.

My recommendation - go and enjoy you new family together. I assume you are home for a few weeks. After everything settles - start interviewing new candidates. When you fire your current nanny. You can be an a$$ if you want - do it on a Friday and tell her that you no longer need her services. Pay her for the week - her unpaid accrued vacation - make sure you get the house keys and car keys and credit card and wish her luck.

This is not similar. You are not adding extra hours, extra work and an extra child.

The OP is only adding extra hours - she said the responsibilities were the same and she wasn’t asking for help with the new baby.

Are the extra hours paid at time and a half? What are the responsibilities she's now complaining about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a nanny, I can tell you that your nanny is 100% in the wrong here. I am sorry this is happening to you, OP. Give her the extorted money and then fire her ass ASAP. She is making such a stupid, short-sighted error here as she will need you for a reference.

+1. Another nanny here who thinks your nanny sucks. You do not do this.

+2. Another nanny here. I’ve read all the posts and OP’s updates, and I feel that this nanny is wrong. Sorry, OP. You sound fair.

You have no idea what Op offered to her nanny and her general package. We have one side of the story. We still need the nanny’s side and then the truth.