Consequences for not getting up on time for school

[Anonymous]

Give us the details. What time does his alarm go off? What time does he need to leave the house to be on time? What time does school start? We can't give you advice without this.

We wake ds at 6:30 and again at 6:45. At 6:45 we make him put his feet on the floor and his glasses on. He takes a shower at night so he really has very little to do in the morning. He needs to leave the house on his bike by 8 am to get to school on time. If he can't ride his bike and we need to drive him, then we have to leave at 7:45 for everyone to get to school on time.

[Anonymous]

For my middle schooler last year, her therapist recommended that the consequence be "she doesn't go to school." (we live too far for her to walk if she misses the bus) Believe it or not, this worked. She took ownership of the whole enchilada, from setting her alarm to getting out the door in the am. We now stay in bed while she bustles around in the morning. No shouting out times, no threats, no nothing. Our mornings with our 7th grader are peaceful now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For my middle schooler last year, her therapist recommended that the consequence be "she doesn't go to school." (we live too far for her to walk if she misses the bus) Believe it or not, this worked. She took ownership of the whole enchilada, from setting her alarm to getting out the door in the am. We now stay in bed while she bustles around in the morning. No shouting out times, no threats, no nothing. Our mornings with our 7th grader are peaceful now.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For my middle schooler last year, her therapist recommended that the consequence be "she doesn't go to school." (we live too far for her to walk if she misses the bus) Believe it or not, this worked. She took ownership of the whole enchilada, from setting her alarm to getting out the door in the am. We now stay in bed while she bustles around in the morning. No shouting out times, no threats, no nothing. Our mornings with our 7th grader are peaceful now.

This

Well, if my kid could stay home every time he missed the bus, he'd never get up before noon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For my middle schooler last year, her therapist recommended that the consequence be "she doesn't go to school." (we live too far for her to walk if she misses the bus) Believe it or not, this worked. She took ownership of the whole enchilada, from setting her alarm to getting out the door in the am. We now stay in bed while she bustles around in the morning. No shouting out times, no threats, no nothing. Our mornings with our 7th grader are peaceful now.

This

Well, if my kid could stay home every time he missed the bus, he'd never get up before noon.

You think do but making up work sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For my middle schooler last year, her therapist recommended that the consequence be "she doesn't go to school." (we live too far for her to walk if she misses the bus) Believe it or not, this worked. She took ownership of the whole enchilada, from setting her alarm to getting out the door in the am. We now stay in bed while she bustles around in the morning. No shouting out times, no threats, no nothing. Our mornings with our 7th grader are peaceful now.

This

Well, if my kid could stay home every time he missed the bus, he'd never get up before noon.

I was concerned about that as well, but mine gets very anxious about making up work (and then either forgets to turn it in, or is too embarrassed for some unknown reason) so she hasn't missed a single day for that reason yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For my middle schooler last year, her therapist recommended that the consequence be "she doesn't go to school." (we live too far for her to walk if she misses the bus) Believe it or not, this worked. She took ownership of the whole enchilada, from setting her alarm to getting out the door in the am. We now stay in bed while she bustles around in the morning. No shouting out times, no threats, no nothing. Our mornings with our 7th grader are peaceful now.

This

Well, if my kid could stay home every time he missed the bus, he'd never get up before noon.

You think do but making up work sucks.

Planning and forethought are not his strengths.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For my middle schooler last year, her therapist recommended that the consequence be "she doesn't go to school." (we live too far for her to walk if she misses the bus) Believe it or not, this worked. She took ownership of the whole enchilada, from setting her alarm to getting out the door in the am. We now stay in bed while she bustles around in the morning. No shouting out times, no threats, no nothing. Our mornings with our 7th grader are peaceful now.

This

Well, if my kid could stay home every time he missed the bus, he'd never get up before noon.

You think do but making up work sucks.

Planning and forethought are not his strengths.

Then you know what you need to work on with him! Some children don't come by those skills naturally. Mine definitely didn't. We had her write down each thing she has to do every morning and guesstimate how much time she needed for that. Then we worked backwards from when she needed to get to the bus. She showers at night. Sometimes she picks out her clothing at night, sometimes she doesn't. At night, I remind her to make sure her backpack is all set. I put a note on the door that has a short checklist for what she needs to remember: housekey, phone, school iPad, and something else that I can't remember right now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For my middle schooler last year, her therapist recommended that the consequence be "she doesn't go to school." (we live too far for her to walk if she misses the bus) Believe it or not, this worked. She took ownership of the whole enchilada, from setting her alarm to getting out the door in the am. We now stay in bed while she bustles around in the morning. No shouting out times, no threats, no nothing. Our mornings with our 7th grader are peaceful now.

This

Well, if my kid could stay home every time he missed the bus, he'd never get up before noon.

You think do but making up work sucks.

Planning and forethought are not his strengths.

Then you know what you need to work on with him! Some children don't come by those skills naturally. Mine definitely didn't. We had her write down each thing she has to do every morning and guesstimate how much time she needed for that. Then we worked backwards from when she needed to get to the bus. She showers at night. Sometimes she picks out her clothing at night, sometimes she doesn't. At night, I remind her to make sure her backpack is all set. I put a note on the door that has a short checklist for what she needs to remember: housekey, phone, school iPad, and something else that I can't remember right now!

Right, this is a case of needing to know your kid. If planning and forethought are not his strengths, then (a) using the approach of staying home if the bus is missed probably won't work (though for some kids this would be very motivating) and (b) you know that you are going to have to be more rather than less involved in getting him out the door in the morning, and that's just the way it's going to have to be.

So that said, as others have requested above, tell us more about your kid. What's the morning process currently like? Is the inability to make the bus just one in a number of planning/execution difficulties or is this more about sleep/motivation/etc.? The answers to these questions inform the solutions.

[Anonymous]

We have struggled with this since the winter. ADHD in mix too. She had some natural consequences from a lower grade for a first period. And it's her easiest class so that really stunk. I think that helped. I've also removed all obstacles and myself and now I have a driver. Yes this may be terrible parenting but it is working to get us back on track. to me it's all about breaking the habit and doing a reset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I start the get up routine at 6am for a 7:15 departure. 6am first alarm goes off. It's a bed shaking alarm. At 6:15, the snooze goes off. At 6:30, the second snooze goes off and I walk in and turn on the lights. At 6:45, if she is still not out of bed, I shoot the water gun at her. At that point, she gets out of bed

At 7:00--I go sit in the car and wait for her. I leave when ever she gets in the car. If she's late to school, that's her problem to explain. I refuse to sign her in or provide an excuse for her tardiness.

I imagine you want the best for your daughter, but this sounds like a lot of work for YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For my middle schooler last year, her therapist recommended that the consequence be "she doesn't go to school." (we live too far for her to walk if she misses the bus) Believe it or not, this worked. She took ownership of the whole enchilada, from setting her alarm to getting out the door in the am. We now stay in bed while she bustles around in the morning. No shouting out times, no threats, no nothing. Our mornings with our 7th grader are peaceful now.

This

Well, if my kid could stay home every time he missed the bus, he'd never get up before noon.

You think do but making up work sucks.

Planning and forethought are not his strengths.

No, of course he figures it out when he misses school can’t make it up and gets a bad grade.
Natural consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For my middle schooler last year, her therapist recommended that the consequence be "she doesn't go to school." (we live too far for her to walk if she misses the bus) Believe it or not, this worked. She took ownership of the whole enchilada, from setting her alarm to getting out the door in the am. We now stay in bed while she bustles around in the morning. No shouting out times, no threats, no nothing. Our mornings with our 7th grader are peaceful now.

This

Well, if my kid could stay home every time he missed the bus, he'd never get up before noon.

You think do but making up work sucks.

Planning and forethought are not his strengths.

Then you know what you need to work on with him! Some children don't come by those skills naturally. Mine definitely didn't. We had her write down each thing she has to do every morning and guesstimate how much time she needed for that. Then we worked backwards from when she needed to get to the bus. She showers at night. Sometimes she picks out her clothing at night, sometimes she doesn't. At night, I remind her to make sure her backpack is all set. I put a note on the door that has a short checklist for what she needs to remember: housekey, phone, school iPad, and something else that I can't remember right now!

Right, this is a case of needing to know your kid. If planning and forethought are not his strengths, then (a) using the approach of staying home if the bus is missed probably won't work (though for some kids this would be very motivating) and (b) you know that you are going to have to be more rather than less involved in getting him out the door in the morning, and that's just the way it's going to have to be.

So that said, as others have requested above, tell us more about your kid. What's the morning process currently like? Is the inability to make the bus just one in a number of planning/execution difficulties or is this more about sleep/motivation/etc.? The answers to these questions inform the solutions.

Planning and forethought? How much planning and forethought does it take to set an alarm on your phone for every weekday at 6:45 am? It isn't that hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For my middle schooler last year, her therapist recommended that the consequence be "she doesn't go to school." (we live too far for her to walk if she misses the bus) Believe it or not, this worked. She took ownership of the whole enchilada, from setting her alarm to getting out the door in the am. We now stay in bed while she bustles around in the morning. No shouting out times, no threats, no nothing. Our mornings with our 7th grader are peaceful now.

This

Well, if my kid could stay home every time he missed the bus, he'd never get up before noon.

You think do but making up work sucks.

Planning and forethought are not his strengths.

Then you know what you need to work on with him! Some children don't come by those skills naturally. Mine definitely didn't. We had her write down each thing she has to do every morning and guesstimate how much time she needed for that. Then we worked backwards from when she needed to get to the bus. She showers at night. Sometimes she picks out her clothing at night, sometimes she doesn't. At night, I remind her to make sure her backpack is all set. I put a note on the door that has a short checklist for what she needs to remember: housekey, phone, school iPad, and something else that I can't remember right now!

Right, this is a case of needing to know your kid. If planning and forethought are not his strengths, then (a) using the approach of staying home if the bus is missed probably won't work (though for some kids this would be very motivating) and (b) you know that you are going to have to be more rather than less involved in getting him out the door in the morning, and that's just the way it's going to have to be.

So that said, as others have requested above, tell us more about your kid. What's the morning process currently like? Is the inability to make the bus just one in a number of planning/execution difficulties or is this more about sleep/motivation/etc.? The answers to these questions inform the solutions.

Planning and forethought? How much planning and forethought does it take to set an alarm on your phone for every weekday at 6:45 am? It isn't that hard.

It takes more than a phone blip to wake my child.

[Anonymous]

It's not just staying home if they miss the bus, it is staying home with no screens (no phone, kindle, iPad computer, etc.). Firm and friendly: you have a choice to go to school or not, but you will make up the work and you will not be on screens during the school day and/or 9n screens other than to make up the work until the work is done (and enforce this, work must be done on a computer or laptop in a communal area, where you can walk by and see what's going on!

No anger, just you are in charge, it's your life and your choice.