Happy with decision to have a second child?

[Anonymous]

I struggled with the decision to have a second kid, and I loved being pregnant and loved every little minute of my DS1's life.

If you really feel like you are describing, I would absolutely not have a second child.

[Anonymous]

You may feel better in the long run to have a second child. Your kids will have each other and that will take some pressure off you to constantly be the entertainment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You may feel better in the long run to have a second child. Your kids will have each other and that will take some pressure off you to constantly be the entertainment.

+1. I just had #3, and having #1 and #2 play together has made it SO MUCH easier. (They're 7 and newly 2, so this is a recent development.) If I only had them, I'd actually get some time to myself!

[Anonymous]

Have a second. Especially if you have the opportunity to space them close. I have two eighteen months apart. It is very hard when they are little, but once school age, having two is easier than one. They are close enough in age that they go to same extracurricular activities and are working on similar academics. They come home from school and disappear to the basement or a bedroom to play board games, or cards, set up a hot wheel track, etc. They are never bored and never boring-one of them is always thinking up a new idea of something to do. They do fight too...but the play time and the getting along far exceeds the fighting.

Having one puts you in charge of entertaining them until they are old enough to do so...but even then, my friends with only one are often saying their child constantly complains of being bored.

[Anonymous]

I'm very happy with my decision to have #2, and I say that as a person who for a long time, thought she would be 1 and done. Our kids are 4 years apart. In a sense, it was "Starting over" because the little one took us back to diapers, sleepless nights, etc. when the big one was already potty trained, very independent, etc. But it's been such an incredible joy to see their bond develop. Despite the age difference, they are best buds (2 boys). The little one calls his brother's name first thing in the morning, and while they bicker, it's not serious or lasting. I had a rough/fraught/unhappy relationship with my younger brother (less than 2 years apart in age) and it still affects me, so raising my boys to be friends who stick up for and support one another is one of my priorities. I think the age gap also means that they can do their own things while at school/daycare/with friends without feeling the comparison/competition that sibs close in age sometimes have to deal with.

I can't imagine life without my second--though I'm sure nearly everyone says that.

[Anonymous]

I didn't much like have kids for a while, I think after the first five years did I really get comfortable with it and now feel like I want to be in it. We had two kids, because for me it was two or none.

If age isn't a problem, why not wait until your kid is 5 or so, and reevaluate?

[Anonymous]

Having a second was something I always wanted (being an only myself) but it has been and still is incredibly tough. I do not suggest you have another unless you have a strong network of family or friends you can rely on and if you are prepared to sacrifice your current relationship with your firstborn- this may not be the case for most people but I felt like I missed out on a whole year of my firstborn's life when I was dealing with sleep deprivation, anxiety issues and general newborn stuff like the seemingly endless pumping/colic etc.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing in the OP that suggests she should have another child anytime soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my child but not having children. Since having a child I have realized I dont like children. I wouldn’t say I dislike them but that I don’t like them. D I’m happiest when my child is sleeping or I’m out without my child. I strongly disliked pregnancy and had a rough childbirth. I miss my old life tremendously. Now that I have a preschooler I finally have more of my life back. It’s easier to focus more on my career and he sleeps through the night. I do love my child and of course there are moments where I feel intense love for my child.

But I still have this lingering question of do I want another child? I worry about my child not having a sibling. I worry something will happen to my child and we will be childless. I know rationally I shouldn’t have another child. The expense and the fact I don’t like children.

Has anyone had these same thoughts , had a second child and ended up happy with their decision?

No, do not have a second child especially after reading all that you wrote: You don't like being pregnant, the baby phase, or children and are happiest when they are sleeping or you are away from them. Does that sound like a person who should have another? HELL NO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my child but not having children. Since having a child I have realized I dont like children. I wouldn’t say I dislike them but that I don’t like them. D I’m happiest when my child is sleeping or I’m out without my child. I strongly disliked pregnancy and had a rough childbirth. I miss my old life tremendously. Now that I have a preschooler I finally have more of my life back. It’s easier to focus more on my career and he sleeps through the night. I do love my child and of course there are moments where I feel intense love for my child.

But I still have this lingering question of do I want another child? I worry about my child not having a sibling. I worry something will happen to my child and we will be childless. I know rationally I shouldn’t have another child. The expense and the fact I don’t like children.

Has anyone had these same thoughts , had a second child and ended up happy with their decision?

No, do not have a second child especially after reading all that you wrote: You don't like being pregnant, the baby phase, or children and are happiest when they are sleeping or you are away from them. Does that sound like a person who should have another? HELL NO.

Agree. I only have one and am thinking very deeply about having a second. I know our life would be a lot easier if we stop at one, both emotionally and financially, but I just love being this kid's mom so damn much and he is such a joy. Even when he kind of sucks, I love him so much, and I want to do this again with another baby. It sounds like you're thinking of having a second because you feel you should, not because you want to.

[Anonymous]

My father, when he discussed numbers of children with my mother, said he wanted either none or two, because his aunt and uncle had had one child. The child died, and it wrecked their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could be me. I have a second. It sucks for now. My first is a very difficult child, which probably doesn't help

But when does it stop sucking?

I don't know. Maybe when the youngest I'm kindergarten it gets a lot better usually? That is when it got better for number 1 (also o remember thinking that age 3 was a milestone too).. But honestly my oldest is so difficult and takes so much out of me, it sucks much of the time still. Of course love him etc, but we.are enmeshed in a lot of therapy, appointments, etc and both work full-time. And those issues got worse after kid 2 came along.

When I hear older people lamenting that they now have empty nests, I can't explain how jealous I get. They have kids they love/miss and who love them, they can see the children, enjoy the emotional support aspects of parenting etc, and they don't have to be constantly worried about the minutia of life with kids living at home.

Sleeping consistently through the night and being able to exercise again were big for me. But due to logistics, this took a long time.

[Anonymous]

I would say wait a little a bit and then decide. I always wanted at least two kids (and considered three) but two seems to he the perfect fit for us. They are 5 years a part which means that we essentially started over, when we had the second one, but the older one was helpful. Our youngest starts kindergarten this Fall and I think we are finally at the place where they are both fun.

[Anonymous]

My two kids fight constantly. The bickering is endless. They will argue about which direction the wind is blowing outside. It starts at breakfast, and starts up again when I pick them up at school. Nothing helps. They are constantly jealous of each other. Conversations are constantly interrupted. I love both of my kids, and unlike you, I genuinely enjoy them when I have one at a time. But things will NOT be easier if you have two. Everything that bothers you about your kid will be multiplied by two, plus there is all the difficulty arising from the interaction of the two kids. Don’t do it.

[Anonymous]

From what you describe, OP, I would not recommend having a second child. You said you're finally starting to get some of your old life back-- do you really want to reset the clock on that?

You also mention not liking kids. Let me tell you-- you will like them even less when there is constant arguing, whining, and competition for your love and attention. Two kids is hard as hell.