Happy with decision to have a second child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was iffy about having a second and am so glad I did. Parenting my first was anxious and stressful at every stage—the second time around it’s mostly pleasure and joy. Different kid and so much more confidence as a parent.

+1 to this. My first is insanely difficult and my second is so sweet and completely different in terms of temperament. I am so happy I get to have a different parenting experience with #2.

I also love when my kids are sleeping but have to say I do miss them terribly when I am at work or go out without them even though I am happy for the break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father, when he discussed numbers of children with my mother, said he wanted either none or two, because his aunt and uncle had had one child. The child died, and it wrecked their lives.

Wouldn't losing a child wreck your life regardless? I have an only and I think about this.

My only is in K and we are just now starting to consider a second. I'm not sure it's a good idea. This is a fun age and I don't want to miss it or make DD feel ignored. The whole reason I want a second is that the first one is amazing, maybe I'd better focus on enjoying the one I've got.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father, when he discussed numbers of children with my mother, said he wanted either none or two, because his aunt and uncle had had one child. The child died, and it wrecked their lives.

Wouldn't losing a child wreck your life regardless? I have an only and I think about this.

My only is in K and we are just now starting to consider a second. I'm not sure it's a good idea. This is a fun age and I don't want to miss it or make DD feel ignored. The whole reason I want a second is that the first one is amazing, maybe I'd better focus on enjoying the one I've got.

I think it was that he felt that they seemed to have nothing afterwards. My uncle on the other side had died at about the same age -- late teens. He was one of three. It was obviously a terrible blow, but my grandparents were functional in a way my great-aunt and great-uncle weren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My two kids fight constantly. The bickering is endless. They will argue about which direction the wind is blowing outside. It starts at breakfast, and starts up again when I pick them up at school. Nothing helps. They are constantly jealous of each other. Conversations are constantly interrupted. I love both of my kids, and unlike you, I genuinely enjoy them when I have one at a time. But things will NOT be easier if you have two. Everything that bothers you about your kid will be multiplied by two, plus there is all the difficulty arising from the interaction of the two kids. Don’t do it.

I hope you recognize your role in this dynamic. It's very unhealthy. As an adult you can analyze and get help. Don't short change them by being a whiny helpless kid yourself.

[Anonymous]

Having one is awesome 90% of the time. The 10% it's not awesome is when they are bored and want you to entertain them. That's when having a sibling would come in handy - IF they were close enough in age and didn't hate each other.

If you are happy with your one, don't feel the need to have a second because of "shoulds". Put your child in extended day and activities and he/she will get plenty of social contact. God Forbid something should ever happen to your child, you could look into adopting. That slim chance is not enough reason to have a second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two is more than twice as consuming and involved than one. I’m not exaggerating.

True.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t seem you would like to have a second child. I had a wonderful 1st child; I used to LOVE being around children and go out with my only. We had tons of fun together.... then i had my second child. She is almost 5 now and up until last summer, I regretted having a second child a lot. I still loved her, but I didn’t enjoy her most of the time.

She was more of your classic child - temper tantrums, picky eater, difficult listening, touching everything, etc. Nothing bad per se, but more tiresome. Plus, with her I could no longer do the things I enjoyed doing with my 1st.

THANK GOD she turned around and has mellowed down. I really like her now and enjoy her company. However, I have come to realize that Im a better parent to an only child or at leadt one on one.

[Anonymous]

Giving your a child a sibling is an “idealized” notion that is such a dumb risk to take. It’s a crapshoot as to whether they will be close or not, especially for opposite genders from teenager age onwards. Even if they end up close, they might live far apart in this huge country of ours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop at 1. I have two kids and of course I love them both but the others are right. With one you can trade off with a spouse but with two it is non stop. DH and I have two difficult elementary school age kids, which is supposed to be the golden time and we were joking today about how we might go to prison to escape parenting. There is just no more down time. I should have stopped at one. Every family is different but in general more of something that isn’t making you happy will not make you happier.

I'm stealing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t seem you would like to have a second child. I had a wonderful 1st child; I used to LOVE being around children and go out with my only. We had tons of fun together.... then i had my second child. She is almost 5 now and up until last summer, I regretted having a second child a lot. I still loved her, but I didn’t enjoy her most of the time.

She was more of your classic child - temper tantrums, picky eater, difficult listening, touching everything, etc. Nothing bad per se, but more tiresome. Plus, with her I could no longer do the things I enjoyed doing with my 1st.

THANK GOD she turned around and has mellowed down. I really like her now and enjoy her company. However, I have come to realize that Im a better parent to an only child or at leadt one on one.

OP here. I feel like my child is like your second child. I keep hoping if I had another baby he or she would be calmer. My child couldn’t even snuggle with me as a baby. Really everything is difficult about my child. I don’t think it’s me being a FTM because other people have mentioned how difficult he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my child but not having children. Since having a child I have realized I dont like children. I wouldn’t say I dislike them but that I don’t like them. D I’m happiest when my child is sleeping or I’m out without my child. I strongly disliked pregnancy and had a rough childbirth. I miss my old life tremendously. Now that I have a preschooler I finally have more of my life back. It’s easier to focus more on my career and he sleeps through the night. I do love my child and of course there are moments where I feel intense love for my child.

But I still have this lingering question of do I want another child? I worry about my child not having a sibling. I worry something will happen to my child and we will be childless. I know rationally I shouldn’t have another child. The expense and the fact I don’t like children.

Has anyone had these same thoughts , had a second child and ended up happy with their decision?

That was one of my main reasons for having another. But what I learned was that having more would not mitigate the pain of losing a child, if that makes sense

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father, when he discussed numbers of children with my mother, said he wanted either none or two, because his aunt and uncle had had one child. The child died, and it wrecked their lives.

From what I have seen/read, even if you have two (or more) if one dies, it still wrecks your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t seem you would like to have a second child. I had a wonderful 1st child; I used to LOVE being around children and go out with my only. We had tons of fun together.... then i had my second child. She is almost 5 now and up until last summer, I regretted having a second child a lot. I still loved her, but I didn’t enjoy her most of the time.

She was more of your classic child - temper tantrums, picky eater, difficult listening, touching everything, etc. Nothing bad per se, but more tiresome. Plus, with her I could no longer do the things I enjoyed doing with my 1st.

THANK GOD she turned around and has mellowed down. I really like her now and enjoy her company. However, I have come to realize that Im a better parent to an only child or at leadt one on one.

OP here. I feel like my child is like your second child. I keep hoping if I had another baby he or she would be calmer. My child couldn’t even snuggle with me as a baby. Really everything is difficult about my child. I don’t think it’s me being a FTM because other people have mentioned how difficult he is.

How else is he difficult, OP? I’m in a similar position and genuinely curious. My DD is very physically active and emotionally intense. I’m worn out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Such a stupid question! Everyone loves their second child and will, of course, encourage you to have another!! Better to ask those who stopped at one-and-only why and if they are happy.

I hope by now you've realized that your post was not only unnecessarily rude but also incorrect. Next time if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father, when he discussed numbers of children with my mother, said he wanted either none or two, because his aunt and uncle had had one child. The child died, and it wrecked their lives.

My parents had two kids. My brother died. It wrecked their lives. Losing a child is devastating no matter what.