Do you actively or unintentionally discourage your daughters ....

[Anonymous]

I have longtime friends with more intense jobs and more kids than I have, and they seem genuinely happy and on top of their game. I struggle with a 9-5 and one child. It’s a personality thing. I’ve always been a low-energy, anxious person. My friends are optimistic extroverts.

[Anonymous]

I tell my children that they don’t have to have kids.

[Anonymous]

Well, my daughter wants to be Jojo Siwa, so I am actively discouraging that aspiration.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s important to point out the realities of their choice to both girls and boys. I didn’t consider it when I went to law school. Married a surgeon. It’s impossible to have both careers and the family we wanted and I gave mine up. No regrets, but it wasn’t worth going to law school. I should have chosen something that is more possible to do part time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol, no. These sound like mothers from small towns where their self worth is wrapped up in their marriage and procreating.

Luckily, I'm from NY. My girls should do whatever makes them happy. I have three, and only one definitely wants kids. That's fine by me, as long as they're happy.

Lol
You think your kids know whether they want children when they are still children?

[Anonymous]

I will encourage my daughter to do whatever her heart desires. I will, however, tell her that “having it all” is a huge lie and I’ve never seen or heard any woman being able to pull it off. Something is always sacrificed if you have children and a career.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but I know from experience that you can't have it all. Something has to take a backseat.

I'm teaching my daughters this now.

[Anonymous]

Women and men are not the same. Men do not get pregnant, give birth or breastfeed. So if those things are part of a woman's vision for the future then they need to plan differently than a man or woman who doesn't want those things.

You can't have it all. There are finite hours in a day and a week. Many women (at all) are still more likely to want to spend more time with their children in the early years and many men (not all) are still more likely to want to be the provider for their family. What makes people feel valued and productive and fulfilled varies - and that should drive where they prioritize their time.

I have two siblings - my older brother is an engineer and his wife is a SAHM. My younger brother is a SAHD and his wife is a physician. My brother also does some part time consultant work. It works well for both of them. The more career oriented person is building their career and the more maternal / paternal oriented person is at home with the kids. It was important to my younger brother to maintain some paid employment and so he has. My SAHM SIL has gotten very involved in a couple charitable organizations where she volunteers and that gives her meaning outside of her at home role.

When his kids were really young, my older brother was able to flex his day and be home by 3:30, and he worked from home 1 day a week.

My Dr SIL is now considering a chance so she can be home more as she is finding she is missing too much of her kids lives.

If you put your time and effort into what you need to feel productive and fuilfilled and then shift that as time goes, that to me is the best of both worlds.

[Anonymous]

If they are pretty they have more options

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a small rural town in Minnesota, and my parents NEVER talked about my future life as a mother or a wife. They encouraged me to be a curious child, educate myself, and contribute to society. Discussions of baby names, dream husbands, and the like, never happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but I know from experience that you can't have it all. Something has to take a backseat.

I'm teaching my daughters this now.

Will you also teach this to your sons if you have them?

Why do we only teach this idea to our daughters?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol, no. These sound like mothers from small towns where their self worth is wrapped up in their marriage and procreating.

Luckily, I'm from NY. My girls should do whatever makes them happy. I have three, and only one definitely wants kids. That's fine by me, as long as they're happy.

Hilarious!

Despite living in such a cosmopolitan city, so many New Yorkers have such an ignorant, provincial view of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I discourage both my kids (boy and girl) from going to law school. Because I’m a lawyer and don’t think anyone should go to law school!

+1

Another +1 from a lawyer, except I think the content of 1L year should be taught over the course of high school. People need to know how criminal and civil courts work, and how agencies regulate. One of my good friends is a Stanford grad who couldn't name the three branches of government - smart lady but just never had a civics class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but I know from experience that you can't have it all. Something has to take a backseat.

I'm teaching my daughters this now.

Will you also teach this to your sons if you have them?

Why do we only teach this idea to our daughters?

One teenage son and to a lesser extent, yes. He is a family man at heart, loving, kind (just like DH) and we talk about being present for your children, being involved in their lives. DS has seen DH turn down opportunities that would otherwise take him away from family life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I discourage both my kids (boy and girl) from going to law school. Because I’m a lawyer and don’t think anyone should go to law school!

+1

Same