Husband is so hard on kids' sports

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a PP mentioned - most kids quit sports because of the car ride home.

Google it.

Here's one link:

https://www.todaysparent.com/blogs/keeping-your-kid-in-sports-begins-with-the-car-ride-home/

Your husband is ruining the experience of sports for them, period. You need to tell him and the kids need to tell him.

Thank you for this. I am reading it and will send it to DH too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH used to remind me about let our kids have fun. Sometimes I forgot that kids play for fun, and I am for competitions. But I am not the one who plays. Your DH isn't the one that play on the field either. He needs to be reminded that.

Here is 3 images that for parents of hockey players: https://cdn4.sportngin.com/attachments/photo/3747/5818/justagame.jpg

I was shocked the first time I went to see a mite game (8U ice hockey game). Some parents of little 6U were nuts, they shouted eff and bees at each other just for watching kids playing.

DH doesn't act like that, he's not one of the crazy parents on the sidelines. It's the after practice/game talk that is bad. DH would say, "I know I'm not the one playing, I'm trying to get DS/DD to be better for themselves." Something along those lines.

In each of the image, there is a line "Relax, it's just a game." I think you could print the images out and stick them around the house or in the car to remind your DH that all of these after school activities are for fun, definitely not for more stressful moments after school. Your DH needs to relax. Maybe he should not take the kids to practices or games for awhile. Talk to him, it's easy to be outside of the fence and scream the head off than actually being on the field and playing the game.

Two of ours are playing ice sports, and none of us - the parents - can't skate lol so the kids really have fun.

[Anonymous]

make your DH watch the movie, Great Santini. If that doesn't shock him right, then you need to get even more drastic and search Youtube for videos of similar types of parental behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH used to remind me about let our kids have fun. Sometimes I forgot that kids play for fun, and I am for competitions. But I am not the one who plays. Your DH isn't the one that play on the field either. He needs to be reminded that.

Here is 3 images that for parents of hockey players: https://cdn4.sportngin.com/attachments/photo/3747/5818/justagame.jpg

I was shocked the first time I went to see a mite game (8U ice hockey game). Some parents of little 6U were nuts, they shouted eff and bees at each other just for watching kids playing.

DH doesn't act like that, he's not one of the crazy parents on the sidelines. It's the after practice/game talk that is bad. DH would say, "I know I'm not the one playing, I'm trying to get DS/DD to be better for themselves." Something along those lines.

In each of the image, there is a line "Relax, it's just a game." I think you could print the images out and stick them around the house or in the car to remind your DH that all of these after school activities are for fun, definitely not for more stressful moments after school. Your DH needs to relax. Maybe he should not take the kids to practices or games for awhile. Talk to him, it's easy to be outside of the fence and scream the head off than actually being on the field and playing the game.

Two of ours are playing ice sports, and none of us - the parents - can skate lol so the kids really have fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, it's not going to hurt DS if DH pushes him to excel. He does not "need" to back off just because you want him to.

Do you even watch the practice? Is DS not trying as hard as he can? What if DH is (gasp) actually correct that there is an effort problem.

I try to be a safe place for my kids and let them vent about DH.

Yeah, that's nice. Alienate your kids from their dad. You actually do need to stop that shit.

Not that good a troll. Try harder next time.

[Anonymous]

Maybe telling your husband what your son wanted to say would scare him straight?

He is doing serious damage to his relationship with his kids. I’d either require therapy or pull the kids from sports for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH used to remind me about let our kids have fun. Sometimes I forgot that kids play for fun, and I am for competitions. But I am not the one who plays. Your DH isn't the one that play on the field either. He needs to be reminded that.

Here is 3 images that for parents of hockey players: https://cdn4.sportngin.com/attachments/photo/3747/5818/justagame.jpg

I was shocked the first time I went to see a mite game (8U ice hockey game). Some parents of little 6U were nuts, they shouted eff and bees at each other just for watching kids playing.

DH doesn't act like that, he's not one of the crazy parents on the sidelines. It's the after practice/game talk that is bad. DH would say, "I know I'm not the one playing, I'm trying to get DS/DD to be better for themselves." Something along those lines.

In each of the image, there is a line "Relax, it's just a game." I think you could print the images out and stick them around the house or in the car to remind your DH that all of these after school activities are for fun, definitely not for more stressful moments after school. Your DH needs to relax. Maybe he should not take the kids to practices or games for awhile. Talk to him, it's easy to be outside of the fence and scream the head off than actually being on the field and playing the game.

Two of ours are playing ice sports, and none of us - the parents - can't skate lol so the kids really have fun.

OP here. (I realized I forgot to do this with my earlier messages.) Your advice would be perfect if it was directed at someone similar to me or you, it makes perfect sense, doesn't it? Saying something like this this to DH only enrages him. "It's NOT just a game, it's the same thing for life. If you aren't going to keep trying to improve, what's the point of doing it? This is how you become losers, because you never tried to get better. Are you ok with just coasting through life? I'm not yelling at him for myself, I'm doing it for them." etc, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe telling your husband what your son wanted to say would scare him straight?

He is doing serious damage to his relationship with his kids. I’d either require therapy or pull the kids from sports for a while.

OP here. God, it's tempting to do that but at the same time I worry about the nuclear reaction it might spark. I would honestly be a little worried for DS's welfare if I told DH that. (Emotional, not physical, but equally serious.)

[Anonymous]

Your husband is HORRIBLE, not for expecting progress, but for criticizing instead of coaching, or paying for a coach. He cannot expect a child to magically divine how to get better. Certain kids need very specific and hands-on instruction and more practice than other kids.

He needs to accept who his child is and understand how to work with him constructively, otherwise he's just going to be one of these abusive and detested parents who never get visited in nursing homes.

My husband used to be this way, over academics, and I told him EXACTLY that. He backed off.

[Anonymous]

Why did you marry this guy. He sounds awful.

[Anonymous]

What are your Dh's goals for the kids? College sports? Pros? What is the end game?

[Anonymous]

You didn't say which sport your children play now. Here is the parent contract by MoCo Little league for basebal and softball: https://www.mclittleleague.org/parents/contract
I think you can find the same for other sports. Your DH would probably benefit from taking a training class for being a coach.

I used to think like your DH. I have to push and continue to push, never I feel perfect. My mom pushed me when I was a kid. My husband is the one that helps me to understand that I don't have to do that anymore, and my children should not have to feel how I had felt when I was a kid. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Your husband is HORRIBLE, not for expecting progress, but for criticizing instead of coaching, or paying for a coach. He cannot expect a child to magically divine how to get better. Certain kids need very specific and hands-on instruction and more practice than other kids.

He needs to accept who his child is and understand how to work with him constructively, otherwise he's just going to be one of these abusive and detested parents who never get visited in nursing homes.

My husband used to be this way, over academics, and I told him EXACTLY that. He backed off.

OP here. Well, the truth is that DH is actually willing to give hands-on instruction. He takes DS to do throwing/catching/soccer in the backyard all the time. Often, DS does not want to go and I can't blame him. For example, DH and DS were out at 7am in the back yard throwing today. But DH can't help himself and critiques just about every throw. So for every "better" or "that's good" there are about 15-20, "No, elbow higher!" "Glove in front, how can you catch like that?" "What are you doing, stop spinning your glove." etc. Like, DH feels he *is* being constructive and therein lies the conflict.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are your Dh's goals for the kids? College sports? Pros? What is the end game?

Not at all. We're just talking rec sports here, not even travel. He just wants the kids to be pushed to be "better" I suppose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You didn't say which sport your children play now. Here is the parent contract by MoCo Little league for basebal and softball: https://www.mclittleleague.org/parents/contract
I think you can find the same for other sports. Your DH would probably benefit from taking a training class for being a coach.

I used to think like your DH. I have to push and continue to push, never I feel perfect. My mom pushed me when I was a kid. My husband is the one that helps me to understand that I don't have to do that anymore, and my children should not have to feel how I had felt when I was a kid. Good luck!

He has taken the coaches clinic for baseball! So he knows it. But he can't seem to help himself when it's his own kid.