Heartbroken that MIL hates me
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Anonymous
x1000000 She sounds like a miserable byotch, who was miserable looooooong before you came along, OP. Don't try to appease some crazy, hateful byotch like this one. You have only one life, spend it amongst people who are worthwhile. I know MIL's who were the epitome of nasty when it mattered most, and they wonder why their DIL keeps their distance? Please. You are not her scapegoat - her issues are NOT your issues. Keep away, for your own good. If DH wants to see her on his own (he probably doesn't) - then fine. I think there are some DILs/MILs who don't get it, because their MILs have always been nice and normal. I have seen some fine examples of exactly what I do not want to be like, when the day comes. Just do your own thing, don't let a bitter, hateful person like that turn you into someone like her. |
Anonymous
Sounds to me like OP is a kind person, who thinks everyone else has a kind heart, like she does. OP, now you are learning to stay far away from toxic people. |
Anonymous
OP, WTH are you "heartbroken"? You should be rejoicing! Do you really want some nasty, self centered, abusive hag in your life? Your MIL likely hates herself, so she can not bring herself to like you - especially if you are opposite her. This is what happens when your DH very purposefully chooses a woman the exact opposite of his contemptuous, petulant, bitter mother. Ask me how I know. As for your children, if she can not bring herself to initiate spending quality time with them, that is entirely her loss. Your children will be old enough to judge for themselves soon enough. Kids aren't stupid - and MIL should be older and wiser, setting a positive example, and initiating contact - at least making an effort. She needs to grow up and stop making everything about her - which isn't going to happen, so you should be happy to carry on without her. My grandparents were at our house every week because THEY made the choice to be as best grandparents they could possibly be, regardless of anything else. THAT is exactly what I remember! |
Anonymous
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OP,
I could have written the post you just did except my MIL wouldn’t assume I married her son for money as I outearn him and she is not wealthy. IDGAF about her but I feel bad for my kids who don’t have a real grandmother as my mom passed before I was even married. I would just stop trying and be glad your kids have your parents to dote on them. I certainly wouldn’t waste any money on a therapist bc that witch is not worth your time. |
Anonymous
Seriously. You are making it too easy. Answer whatever she says with a monosyllable. Make a consious effort to never be alone in a room with her, even if this means you are rude and leave her sitting by herself. Just stop feeding this. As for your husband... He has to say to his mom, quietly and politely, that she cannot speak this way. My MIL only came around after years and the death of her husband. She got lonely and her harsh words were isolating her. Unfortunately for her, I don't trust her any further than I can throw her. |
Anonymous
This, there is nothing you can do to please her. My mom is like this. I accepted it and distance myself from her. My MIL was initially funny with me but my husband ex was horrible to her as was my SIL so she just put up her guard but then as time went on things changed. |
Anonymous
x100000 Nailed it. OP, she asked for it - let her be alone - it is what she deserves. Don't feel bad if your DH is the type to not tell MIL off - he might be afraid of her, and she might know that, but it is not a problem, you can just ignore her. I know a MIL who actually accused her (sweet, kind, nice) DIL of lying about seeing family overseas. Just an example - the DIL practically laughed in her face. Sometimes older women who are bitchy think they can get away with it - MIL's problem, not yours. |
Anonymous
| This is as much of a DH problem as a MIL problem. He needs to stand up for you, even if it comes to the point of cutting this crazy woman off if she continues to treat you like shit. |
Anonymous
| She sounds like a crazy narcissist. If your husband is not semi-emotionally-wedded to her, count your blessings and back away. |
Anonymous
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The MIL sounds utterly horrid, and I guess I find myself wondering why the OP's DH still speaks to his mom.
As the daughter of a DEEPLY dysfunctional and mentally ill/abusive woman who's pretty wretched to me (and to DH, when she sees him, which has now been 5 years since we moved across country), I can understand how hard it is to basically 'disown' a hugely narcissistic parent, and I don't believe people should have to choose between their parent and a spouse -- but I guess there's a part of me that DOES think you have to choose between your own children and a parent like this MIL. And the children should be the choice, hands down. PS If it came down to the MIL giving an ultimatum (your wife or me, your mother), in this instance it sounds like the spouse should be the 'winner' (in part because no mother has a basis for making a demand like this)...but again, where I'm totally WTF'ing here is about the children ... why keep this woman in the picture? And yes, I know it's harsh.... |
Anonymous
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OP, concentrate on the positives in your life: husband, kids, your parents...
Do not spend the precious time on the negative - life is short. No everyone likes you - so what? Focus on people who do. |
Anonymous
PP here. I am betting good money that this DH was abused/manipulated as a way of life by an awful narcissistic mother like this. DH is a big boy, OP - if he chooses sick (MIL) over healthy (you), you can't cure him, but you can stay out of it. Rather, stay the heck away from this toxic excuse for a human being. MIL was wronged/abused, so she is trying to do the sam to you. Don't let her. It will get to the point where your kids don't want to see her either, she probably still won't get the point. People like this are simply difficult, there is no cure. Live your life and vow to be anything but her. |
Anonymous
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Sounds like your MIL would hate any woman your DH married.
If your DH has moved on from her, his own mother, that should be a sign that you can (and should!) give up hope, too. Her hatred is 100% about her, not about you. |
Anonymous
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Being heartbroken is an overreaction, just be sad.
I think you should count yourself very lucky your husband is a decent guy. I would never marry a guy with a nasty whack job for a mother, too risky. |
Anonymous
| Wait. You are seeing a therapist because you think that your MIL does not like you? Dude, you need to chill. Teach yourself to love yourself first, and the opinion of your MiL will no longer factor in your daily life. Good luck. (I have to say that I pity you. I have no clue what it would feel like to care so much about what someone else thinks about me.) |