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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've tried with my mother-in-law.  I've bought her gifts, sent cards, tried to follow her rules, but it seems like nothing is good enough.  I still reach out occasionally to say happy birthday or happy new year via email but she ignores me.

She only wants her son to visit, not me or our kids.  She even wanted only her son over mother's day. We follow all of these demands, in hope that she still thaw. But it's been years.  DH has now given up on her and doesn't want to try any longer.  I am heartbroken that there appears to be back no hope.  I am lost as to what I've done, or our kids have done, for this hatred.  I've been seeing a counselor to try to feel better about it and see it as her loss.  The counselor had explained that I have a desire for acceptance and need to just accept myself but it's not getting through to my brain.  If you have any ideas on how to let something go, please tell me.

Luckily the kids don't feel the loss that I feel since they have a fantastic relationship with my parents and I don't think they understand that there is a missing set of grandparents in the picture yet.  Unfortunately FIL seems to be too weak to say/do anything.

I guess at this point, I need to give up, but I still find myself sad sometimes.  I've never been so disliked before.

For those who will ask why she dislikes me, here are the reasons that she had provided:

1.  I don't love her son.
2.  Her son doesn't love me.
3.  I married her son for his money.
4.  I married her son for her money.
5.  I got pregnant to trap him.
6.  I got pregnant again to trap him and/or get more money after she told him not to have another baby with me so that the divorce would be easier.
7.  I got pregnant again to trap him, and the 3rd child is overpopulating the world, so I should have known better and stopped at 2 and refused to have sex with him until he got a vasectomy as she did with FIL. 
8.  I'm the reason he doesn't visit more often.
9.  Im the reason he stopped visiting.
10.  I'm brainwashing him to stay with me.
11.  I'm brainwashing him against her.
12.  My own family doesn't love me.
13.  I have no friends.
14.  My family and friends are "trash".
15.  I caused and continue to cause problems with "the family".

Sometimes I wonder if she's right about me until I snap out of it.  I don't understand why someone would be so cruel to another human being.[/quote]

OP, WTH are you "heartbroken"?  You should be rejoicing! Do you really want some nasty, self centered, abusive hag in your life?  Your MIL likely hates herself, so she can not bring herself to like you - especially if you are opposite her.  This is what happens when your DH very purposefully chooses a woman the exact opposite of his contemptuous, petulant, bitter mother. Ask me how I know.

As for your children, if she can not bring herself to initiate spending quality time with them, that is entirely her loss.  Your children will be old enough to judge for themselves soon enough.  Kids aren't stupid - and MIL should be older and wiser, setting a positive example, and initiating contact - at least making an effort.  She needs to grow up and stop making everything about her - which isn't going to happen, so you should be happy to carry on without her.

My grandparents were at our house every week because THEY made the choice to be as best grandparents they could possibly be, regardless of anything else.  THAT is exactly what I remember! [/quote]

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