at what age did you know your son is gay?

[Anonymous]

The sentiment in the gay community is that mothers always know. OP, you sound like a wonderful mother. Your son is lucky to have you.

[Anonymous]

If any of you would like a token gay friend, my wife and I have two elementary school boys and not very many straight friends who are married with children. They have an aunt and uncle and grandparents but the other women in their life are largely single straight women or coupled gay women and the men are single gay and straight men or married without children.

[Anonymous]

I'm the OP of this thread: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/15/577358.page


There are some responses in here that you might find interesting and helpful. DS is now 14 and hasn't really said much either way, but showing 0 signs of interest in girls. Or boys.

Not that he'd be allowed to date either at this point, so he's probably just waiting....

[Anonymous]

Friend of mine has three grown sons. Two are gay. She says she "always knew" something was different about them.

[Anonymous]

For those with experience - do you think you notice it differently between boys and girls? I noticed in my young niece many years ago, but not my business to bring it up until she did. SIL told me about her coming out many years later in middle school, and also says she always knew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those with experience - do you think you notice it differently between boys and girls? I noticed in my young niece many years ago, but not my business to bring it up until she did. SIL told me about her coming out many years later in middle school, and also says she always knew.

I'm the mom of the 16yo gay son and I've also got two other kids, a boy and girl. My daughter is also a teen and while she isn't really dating or expressing interest in it, if I had to place a bet I'd go with straight. My younger son is at the age I first started to feel pretty confident his brother was gay, and I don't have that same vibe with the little one. So I do think this idea that "mothers just know" may be a real thing.

[Anonymous]

I was totally surprised when my DD came out, and even looking back I can’t identify any signs that might have clues me in.

[Anonymous]

I could tell that my little playmate, Ken, was gay before we were 4 and I didn’t even know what gay was.

My parents thought that I was gay because as a girl I liked fixing things with tools and playing sports. I’m not gay at all (boy crazy).
So, might be hard to figure out early on really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was totally surprised when my DD came out, and even looking back I can’t identify any signs that might have clues me in.

I’ve found that with my female friends who came out as gay was that growing up they had very close female friendships while not really being interested relationships with boys near as much, even as young kids. It’s hard to describe in a written way really though - not sure this makes sense.

This girl at my DD’s school was always interested in DD even though they weren’t really friends (different social groups). She’d ask DD questions and always made a point of interacting with her. Even when her shrew of a mother told her to stop interacting with my DD she kept it up. Definitely a girl crush.
Her mother actually called me up screaming about it one day (again - she’s a crazy shrew. My kid wasn’t good enough to be friends with her kid??) and I just played dumb and told her that her DD kept asking my DD questions & sharing things with her. Drive the mom nuts (no she doesn’t ! yes - she does).
But yes - if that girl isn’t gay I’d be really surprised. And skeptical.
This was 4th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No insight here but my DH and I wonder that, too, about our eldest. He's 6, and we've thought this since he was 3 or so. It isn't anything specific that we notice other than a sense that he is different from our middle son, who seems so solidly 'boy' to us, whatever that means. It's hard to talk about this without generalizing, but we woudln't be surprised if our eldest is gay and we wouldn't be surprised if our middle isn't.

A boy I knew growing up who is gay used to ask the girls about their bodies. Really personal questions. It wasn’t like he was being sexual, it was like he wanted to be a girl. He wanted to know what it felt like to be a girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all realize the gender identity and sexual orientation are different things, right?

Forcdome people.

[Anonymous]

My youngest brother was fascinated with Dorothy (Wizard of Oz) and hair and super artistic. Also kind, gentle, we just knew from the time he was 4/5. He was also gorgeous as a child,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please note that if a girl is sporty, into science and technology, refuses to wear dresses, etc., pretty likely it crosses no one's mind that she is gay.

Just saying. Not saying superficial things like the things listed above is why you think your son might be gay. But I do think there is more pressure for boys to gender norm than girls. A lot more.

No. Bring gay and interests and talents for certain activities occur in completely different times of fetal development.

It’s way more complicated than this simple theory you have.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/study-says-brains-of-gay/

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prenatal_hormones_and_sexual_orientation

[Anonymous]

My best friend and I are in our 40's. He struggled and struggled with his sexuality all through high school, then came out in college. When he told his dad at about 22 that he was gay, his dad just shrugged his shoulders and said "yeah. I've known since you were 3."

[Anonymous]

I would say 3ish too. I remember looking at him at the park once and just seeing some mannerisms and then that clicked with some other subconscious thoughts I had before and it clicked. It never bothered me but I use to worry about what DH would think/feel. At the age of 9 DH told me on a family cruise. We were in those TINY cruise bathrooms and he went "I think Larlo is gay and it doesn't bother me like I thought it would. Ive thought about it for a year or so waiting for it to "hit me" or make me think "I've lost the life I thought.." but I never felt that way." It was like his mind and up bringing thought he would have trouble with it but the reality and day to day lives of him being perfect for us and our family and loving his cute little personality took over those "societal norms." My oldest son said he knew Larlo was gay since he could remember. He didn't know the word or what gay was but he knew he was it. All 3 kids are now in their early 20s and there was no real "coming out". I think maybe a light hearted car convo in middle school but it was always assumed and known before he reached dating age.