At what age did you know?

[Anonymous]

Age 10. Looking back, I had a raging crush on my horseback riding instructor. Admitted it to myself by age 15 (but this was in the 90's and I lived in nowhere, VA so it was a bit tough to feel like the only lesbian in my school).

[Anonymous]

At age 42 I discovered I'm less than 100% straight, though not sure I'd label myself as bisexual. More like 75% straight.

[Anonymous]

I don't recall having a romantic crush before puberty. How would you know your sexual orientation before you feel sexual attraction at puberty?

[Anonymous]

Because it's not only about sex, it's about intimacy, eho turns you on, who you feel safe with, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS (11) has been making comments in the past 6 months or so about being gay...sort of. Things along the lines of not liking girls, that he'll prefer boys. Today I was having a conversation with someone about whether they knew anyone gay (totally unrelated, my point in that conversation was just that not everyone announces their sexuality, and of course that person likely knew someone) anyway, DS walked up and said, sure you do, me. Then just laughed and walked off. I can't recall some of the other comments he's made to me, but I've always just said to him that's fine, you like who you like, etc.

My question really is, do you think he knows at 11? Or what is going on with these comments? I wouldn't even ask if there hadn't been at least 3 or 4 similar ones over the span of months. So at this point I just want to know if he does know, and then what to say beyond "that's fine, pass the salt". Which is kind of how I feel about it at this age, if that makes sense? It's not as if he'd be allowed to date for several more years regardless.

Thanks.

I'd go with "yes, he knows."

You could maybe ask him if he's told anyone else? And check in on whether he's facing any teasing or homophobia at school.

[Anonymous]

Because it's not only about sex, it's about intimacy, eho turns you on, who you feel safe with, etc.

Who turns you on is sexual attraction ... That's my point, or question really....how do you know who you have crushes on or who you're attracted to before you can have real crushes at puberty...

[Anonymous]

I didn't know until I was 13 or so, but my spouse knew when he was 7. Your response below is perfect.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All my gay or lesbian friends (somewhere between 10-15 when you add their spouses) knew when they were a single-digit age. Like between 4-9. Some may not have known the words for it.

That's kind of what I thought. Clearly he knows the words for it. Maybe I should be a little less nonchalant and ask him more questions. Then again, you can barely get an 11 year old to tell you what they want for dinner. So perhaps "that's fine, love you, what do you want for dinner?" works for now. (?)

[Anonymous]

My 14 year old daughter told me last year she is bi and she is clearly telling her friends at school that she is gay this year, but all the while before she reached puberty her "attraction" was to boys. And as a tween and teen, all of her fangirl type crushes are on male actors and male musicians. I don't know about her, but I'm confused . I am making a lot of non-committal noises and being careful to use gender neutral pronouns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS (11) has been making comments in the past 6 months or so about being gay...sort of. Things along the lines of not liking girls, that he'll prefer boys. Today I was having a conversation with someone about whether they knew anyone gay (totally unrelated, my point in that conversation was just that not everyone announces their sexuality, and of course that person likely knew someone) anyway, DS walked up and said, sure you do, me. Then just laughed and walked off. I can't recall some of the other comments he's made to me, but I've always just said to him that's fine, you like who you like, etc.

My question really is, do you think he knows at 11? Or what is going on with these comments? I wouldn't even ask if there hadn't been at least 3 or 4 similar ones over the span of months. So at this point I just want to know if he does know, and then what to say beyond "that's fine, pass the salt". Which is kind of how I feel about it at this age, if that makes sense? It's not as if he'd be allowed to date for several more years regardless.

Thanks.

I'm sorry to hear this....for everyone....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS (11) has been making comments in the past 6 months or so about being gay...sort of. Things along the lines of not liking girls, that he'll prefer boys. Today I was having a conversation with someone about whether they knew anyone gay (totally unrelated, my point in that conversation was just that not everyone announces their sexuality, and of course that person likely knew someone) anyway, DS walked up and said, sure you do, me. Then just laughed and walked off. I can't recall some of the other comments he's made to me, but I've always just said to him that's fine, you like who you like, etc.

My question really is, do you think he knows at 11? Or what is going on with these comments? I wouldn't even ask if there hadn't been at least 3 or 4 similar ones over the span of months. So at this point I just want to know if he does know, and then what to say beyond "that's fine, pass the salt". Which is kind of how I feel about it at this age, if that makes sense? It's not as if he'd be allowed to date for several more years regardless.

Thanks.

I'm sorry to hear this....for everyone....

OP here. Fuck off.

[Anonymous]

Bump. wondering the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bump. wondering the same.

Why would the answers have changed in six months?

[Anonymous]

For me it was 19. Before that, I wanted to be close friends with some girls/women, but it never occurred to me that it was sexual attraction attraction. More like, "I want to be BFFs with you and live next door to you forever." When I was 19, everything clicked and I thought "I don't want to live next door to you and be BFFs, I want to live WITH you forever."

This was the early 90s. I didn't meet an openly gay person until I went to college and then it was predominantly men. It wasn't until 19, that I realized that being in a relationship with a woman was even a possibility.

[Anonymous]

Not me, but my BFF since middle school - he said he always sort of "knew" even before he understood what "gay" was. All his childhood crushes were on boys, etc. Your son might know already, and then again he's very young still - all you can do is listen and make sure he knows you're a safe place to land, so to speak, so that if/when he's more sure/ready, he knows he can come to you. Thank you for being so accepting - not all parents are and I've seen the heartbreak it brings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bump. wondering the same.

Why would the answers have changed in six months?

Perhaps looking for more responses or a new perspective. Probably not looking for a smart ass answer, though.