My nephew is a sex worker who lies to his mom about being in college and working. Should I tell?

[Anonymous]

Good chance your nephew was bullshitting your son. Better confirm before you start poking your nose where it doesn't belong.

[Anonymous]

At least make sure he’s on PrEP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The nephew is 25 years old and has been doing this for awhile. My son wasn't supposed to tell me but was shocked and concerned, so I'm glad he confided in me. I know sister will go ballistic so I'm freaked out.

He is 25 and an adult. Talk to him directly. Tell him you know (don't rat your son out) and are concerned and want his assurance that he is protecting himself against STD's.

[Anonymous]

Verify with your nephew and if true tell him that you will inform your sister if he doesn't do so himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t tell. It’s not your information to share.

This is her sister's son, not some random young man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t tell. It’s not your information to share.

This is her sister's son, not some random young man.

He's nearly 30 years old. His life to lead. If she wants to talk to anyone she should talk directly to the nephew.

[Anonymous]

MYOB. He is an adult and there is nothing wrong with what he’s doing, despite not living up to your sisters image of what a perfect son should do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MYOB. He is an adult and there is nothing wrong with what he’s doing, despite not living up to your sisters image of what a perfect son should do.

Well OP's family WAS minding their business and then nephew dropped info on them that he KNOWS would be shocking to the rest of his family, being that they think he works at whole foods! A 25 year old man knows this and knows he put that cousin in a hard position. That's kind of shitty IMO. UNLESS of course this might be ab easy way to reach out and try to change his situation. I mean plenty of sex workers likely want a way out, not all of them are going to be at peace with their situation.

[Anonymous]

What would be the goal of telling your sister, OP? Would there be downsides to her having this information? Would there be any benefit to her having this information?

If you out him, you run the risk of cutting him off from the family (cousin) that he trusts enough to be honest with.

Honestly, everyone running around with their hair on fire about it will not help him, but a well-considered approach might build enough trust that you or other relatives (including his mom) could be real support for him if need be.

http://swopusa.org/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The nephew is 25 years old and has been doing this for awhile. My son wasn't supposed to tell me but was shocked and concerned, so I'm glad he confided in me. I know sister will go ballistic so I'm freaked out.

He is 25 and an adult. Talk to him directly. Tell him you know (don't rat your son out) and are concerned and want his assurance that he is protecting himself against STD's.

Yes, this. Be a support system for him. If you start drama, you could alienate him from his whole family forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The nephew is 25 years old and has been doing this for awhile. My son wasn't supposed to tell me but was shocked and concerned, so I'm glad he confided in me. I know sister will go ballistic so I'm freaked out.

He is 25 and an adult. Talk to him directly. Tell him you know (don't rat your son out) and are concerned and want his assurance that he is protecting himself against STD's.

Yes, this. Be a support system for him. If you start drama, you could alienate him from his whole family forever.

+1. Not your story to tell. He is an adult. I would consider telling him I knew and would non-judgmentally let him know that my primary concern about him engaging in sex-work is his physical safety and health. I would urge him to be on prep and would "mom" him in reminding that every encounter MUST be protected 100% of the time (most sex workers who aren't totally down and out do get this). ESPECIALLY if sister would go ballistic, I would stick with my own moral compass and not blow this up for him and ruin the family. Whether we like it or not, a 25 year old is in charge of their own life, not mom, not aunt, not anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The nephew is 25 years old and has been doing this for awhile. My son wasn't supposed to tell me but was shocked and concerned, so I'm glad he confided in me. I know sister will go ballistic so I'm freaked out.

OP, since your nephew told your son, I think your nephew wanted to be "found out" and is maybe in over his head and doesn't know what to do. (Sure, your DS wasn't "supposed to" tell you...but that seems absurd.)

And anyway, you just call up your sister and say "Larla...DS is so freaked out by something Larlo told him that he came to me yesterday and blurted out this thing. He promised Larlo he wouldn't tell, but I can hardly blame DS for being concerned enough to tell me...and I hope you won't either. Apparently Larlo told DS that he doesn't work at Whole Foods and is no longer in school. Not only that, but he claimed that he is a sex worker. Assuming that any of what he said is true, I couldn't imagine keeping that from you, so of course I had to tell you what was shared with me." And then she'll do with that information what she will.

[Anonymous]

He is sick and neeeds help. Tell today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is sick and neeeds help. Tell today.

How do you know he is sick? Just because you have ethical issues with sex work doesn't make it wrong

[Anonymous]

I'm in the talk to the nephew camp. Let him know you know what he's doing. Tell him you are not comfortable knowing this while your sister thinks he's in college and she's supporting him financially.

Listen very carefully to what he says in that conversation and go from there.

I would not be comfortable keeping this kind of information from my sister and your nephew is an adult. So if he's in real trouble he may need your help. If he's just being an idiot then he needs to act like an adult. That's my 2 cents.