Would you date a man previously married to a man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hell no.

I think he is blowing sunshine your way.

I think he’s being honest but I admit I can be a bit naive

[Anonymous]

Am I a man or a woman in this hypothetical?

[Anonymous]

OP. Seriously.

HE WAS MARRIED TO A MAN.

Do you think they just got married to be room mates?

I have absolutely NOTHING against gay marriage - in fact, I am all for it. But to date someone who is a man who was previously married to a man who said it was platonic?

NO. WAY.

How old are you? How old is he? This is mind boggling that you would even ask this but I wish you happiness!

[Anonymous]

Men don't marry other men because they make them feel "special and wanted." He's gay. This is the answer Dan Savage would give and guess what, he would be right. He's gay. Let him be gay.

[Anonymous]

OP. Seriously.

HE WAS MARRIED TO A MAN.

Do you think they just got married to be room mates?

I have absolutely NOTHING against gay marriage - in fact, I am all for it. But to date someone who is a man who was previously married to a man who said it was platonic?

NO. WAY.

How old are you? How old is he? This is mind boggling that you would even ask this but I wish you happiness!

[Anonymous]

wELL, I was married to a woman. She died young. I was widowed. I am now married to a man, have the "perfect" family and am living happily ever after. Not an answer, but some facts. (yes, everybody knows)

[Anonymous]

No, I wouldn't date him.

[Anonymous]

No I do not think I could manage that comfortably.

[Anonymous]

Nope.

[Anonymous]

No. I wouldn’t

[Anonymous]

He’s bi? Bi-curious? You might be his experiment with women... do you want to be that?

[Anonymous]

I would proceed very cautiously, but I wouldn't write him off. Could you just be very good friends for awhile?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would guess that he was sexually abused as a child leading to him being very confused about his sexual identity for awhile. If that was the case and it took him time and therapy to deal with the abuse and figure out who he is, then I would proceed very cautiously - I wouldn''t write him off right away.

If he wasn't abused and was just angsty and unsure of himself then it would be a hard no. I would assume he was bi.

I don’t know if there was childhood abuse, and I don’t feel it’s my place to ask. What he has shared is that he was bounced between family members from 2-6 and then he was in foster care until he was 15. He ran away from his group home and met the first guy he was in a relationship with. I do know his husband was physically abusive.

Abuse highly likely in this scenario. I am guessing the effects of this kind of life are too much for me to take on, as someone with a basically "perfect" upbringing and family, before we even get to the being married to a man. And what was the "transactional relationship?" He had sex for money? This is all too much for me in a relationship, though I would certainly be friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would guess that he was sexually abused as a child leading to him being very confused about his sexual identity for awhile. If that was the case and it took him time and therapy to deal with the abuse and figure out who he is, then I would proceed very cautiously - I wouldn''t write him off right away.

If he wasn't abused and was just angsty and unsure of himself then it would be a hard no. I would assume he was bi.

I don’t know if there was childhood abuse, and I don’t feel it’s my place to ask. What he has shared is that he was bounced between family members from 2-6 and then he was in foster care until he was 15. He ran away from his group home and met the first guy he was in a relationship with. I do know his husband was physically abusive.

I’m a woman and I stayed with my HS boyfriend for years because my parents treated me terribly and he made me feel safe. I was super grateful to have someone who gave me rides to work and talked to me. It was otherwise a terrible relationship and difficult to leave. He was super anxious and controlling and we were always fighting but I felt like I had no one else.

I say all this because my situation wasn’t even as bad as his sounds. The debt and gratitude that abused kids can feel over even the smallest acts of kindness is real. It took a long time to change my behavior and expectations about how I should be treated. My now DH is a saint for having stuck it out with me.

That said, knowing what I know about abuse I’m not sure I would be up for that at this point in my life. It’s okay to walk away. You are not responsible for him.

[Anonymous]

And after all these No’s your still going to date him! Let us all know how it all works out.