How did you wrap your head around donor egg?

[Anonymous]

2 IVF’s only produced 5 eggs total. First round transfered 2 3-day Embryos. Second round, none made it past day 2.
I was older and it was time to move on. I wanted a child more than I wanted a genetic connection. It took awhile to wrap my head around it.

But I now have the most amazing 2.5yo. And my only regret is I waited so long.

Everyone that’s important knows he’s from DE. The people I most worried about, my parents, are madly crazy in love with him. My Mom says to me every single time we see them “thank you so much for having him”.

We are just starting to tell him by reading books about it to him.

We may not share genetics, but he is 100% my son and I love him with every cell in my body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was also on the DE track (same age as you, DOR but with worse stats) and here's how I wrapped my head around it:
- I thought of all of the people I truly love, but who I share no genetic connection to (and also all of the people who I'm ambivalent about but do share a genetic connection to)
- I thought about what matters most to me when I think about passing things on to the next generation. I'm extremely close to my parents and grandparents (all genetically related), but what I value most about them is not a shared eye color, nose, height, whatever, but our values and culture. Things that can be passed on to any child you raise.
- families come in so many styles today. I have family members who have used donors because they're in single sex relationships. Family members who adopted, who are single moms by choice. I live in a big city where no kid really is the odd one out because they're surrounded by kids in all sorts of family arrangements. Knowing I wasn't burdening my kid with a social stigma (if people even knew about the DE) helped.

The decision to do DE was relatively easy for me. We'd had multiple losses and I was really really ready to have a child through whatever means would be physically, logistically, and financially easiest (i.e. not a thousand rounds of IVF, not a drawn out adoption process, etc). I loved the fact that I'd still get to carry the baby. I loved the fact that I could potentially carry 100% genetic siblings for the baby. I get the hypocrisy of my first 2 points in downplaying genetics but then wanting a genetic sibling for my DE, but that's where my head was.

In the end, I conceived "naturally" while on lupron during my mock/prep cycle for a DE and now have a 2 year old. Then, 17 weeks ago I got pregnant on a random IUI cycle that DH and I tried on a whim (we were contentedly one and done after what we'd been through but figured "why not" since insurance covered it). I'm 36, I have an AFC of 1-2, high FSH and undetectable AMH. I've posted a lot about my various experiences on here, and I know my situation is extraordinary and atypical and lucky, but it is worth repeating that you just never know with DOR.

Thank you for sharing-- this is so helpful and I'm so happy for you and your story!! May I ask if you did clomid, letrozole or injectibles for the IUI cycle and how many follicles you had when triggering?

Thank you! I was on clomid day 3-7 if I recall and had a trigger shot the day before the IUI. Then estrogen and progesterone during the TWW and for a few weeks after. I had 2 mature follicles at the time of trigger. But I also think it's possible that I might have ovulated on my own before my trigger shot, if that's possible, as my due date based on measurements has consistently been 4 days earlier than the due date calculated from IUI. In which case the IUI itself did nothing, but the estrogen and progesterone I was on during the TWW and beyond might have helped. That's just my own speculation, never bothered to ask my RE about it (though he did say ovulating earlier was a possibility so we should have intercourse in the days leading up to the IUI).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2 IVF’s only produced 5 eggs total. First round transfered 2 3-day Embryos. Second round, none made it past day 2.
I was older and it was time to move on. I wanted a child more than I wanted a genetic connection. It took awhile to wrap my head around it.

But I now have the most amazing 2.5yo. And my only regret is I waited so long.

Everyone that’s important knows he’s from DE. The people I most worried about, my parents, are madly crazy in love with him. My Mom says to me every single time we see them “thank you so much for having him”.

We are just starting to tell him by reading books about it to him.

We may not share genetics, but he is 100% my son and I love him with every cell in my body.

This is so sweet Congratulations on your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if you don't mind sharing, how have you come to the conclusion that you might be at that point? How many cycles have you done? What are your numbers? Curious to know more about your experience, as I'm relatively new to this process.

The biggest thing is my RE brought it up as a possible next step.

I've done two cycles, one of which resulted in a success. But that was when I was 32.

Numbers now: I am 35yo with a 0.28 amh. I'm a poor responder which is my biggest concern-- just won't produce enough follies. In 2 cycles I've produced 4 and 3 follicles, respectively, on maximum stims.

A part of me knows there MUST be at least one good egg left in me (husband has no issues) but just trying to be realistic here.

I was much older than you with similar amh and 3 failed cycles with very few eggs on max stims. I was admonished for not doing DE yet I had 2 more children (no more ivf) . I am not trying to persuade you for or against DE but IVF and stimming might not be all that helpful for poor respondents

wow. May I ask if you were actively trying and for how long after the ivf cycles?

it took 5 years from that donor egg talk to delivering my last (third) baby. yes we were actively trying. i think i was rushed into IVF unnecessarily - we were older and panicky and have barely tried naturally before going to RE. and then when it didn't work it felt like there was no chance of it working naturally. but it did... not saying it will for you etc, you know this. i just don't think
IVF is all that helpful for poor respondents. you are putting a lot of stress on your eggs (medication, surgery, lab) while naturally you already ovulate (i assume) an egg each month. so what exactly are you gaining when they harvest 2-3 eggs? not much, if anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if you don't mind sharing, how have you come to the conclusion that you might be at that point? How many cycles have you done? What are your numbers? Curious to know more about your experience, as I'm relatively new to this process.

The biggest thing is my RE brought it up as a possible next step.

I've done two cycles, one of which resulted in a success. But that was when I was 32.

Numbers now: I am 35yo with a 0.28 amh. I'm a poor responder which is my biggest concern-- just won't produce enough follies. In 2 cycles I've produced 4 and 3 follicles, respectively, on maximum stims.

A part of me knows there MUST be at least one good egg left in me (husband has no issues) but just trying to be realistic here.

I was much older than you with similar amh and 3 failed cycles with very few eggs on max stims. I was admonished for not doing DE yet I had 2 more children (no more ivf) . I am not trying to persuade you for or against DE but IVF and stimming might not be all that helpful for poor respondents

wow. May I ask if you were actively trying and for how long after the ivf cycles?

it took 5 years from that donor egg talk to delivering my last (third) baby. yes we were actively trying. i think i was rushed into IVF unnecessarily - we were older and panicky and have barely tried naturally before going to RE. and then when it didn't work it felt like there was no chance of it working naturally. but it did... not saying it will for you etc, you know this. i just don't think
IVF is all that helpful for poor respondents. you are putting a lot of stress on your eggs (medication, surgery, lab) while naturally you already ovulate (i assume) an egg each month. so what exactly are you gaining when they harvest 2-3 eggs? not much, if anything.

I guess you gain expediency with interventions. After trying for about 23-25 cycles with not ONE BFP, honestly the stress/hope ever month almost outweighs the stress of a TWW doing IVF or IUI.

[Anonymous]

My DE babies are almost 8 years old.

My first child was conceived using my own eggs, but I knew I could not have a second child without DE. However, the idea of a donor conceived child didn't bother me.

My twins know that they were conceived via donor eggs and they are starting to understand the implications. Every now and then when the topic of genetics comes up, we discuss how half of their genes came from the donor (I told them for the first time when they were about 3). They take everything in stride and it doesn't seem to bother them. They know I am their mom and they are my babies. Of course, there is no way for me to know how they will feel about it when they are teenagers.

Anyway, I am so happy to have my 3 lovely children. They are so sweet and kind and I would not change anything if I had to do it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got pregnant right away with my son and then when he was 10 months old we started TTC again. I thought I would have an easy time around the second time since I got pregnant right away the first time but it's now been 5 years trying everything to get pregnant and I've never been pregnant again. I have unexplained secondary infertility and we tried IUIs and IVFs, nothing worked. I am now 40.

I seriously considered DE, I did a ton of research, talked to REs, and even chose a donor I was interested in, but then just decided it wasn't right for me. It just seemed too complicated and I didn't like the idea of the child being biologically related to DH but not to me. I also didn't like the idea of carrying someone else's egg. Also my son looks exactly like me and knowing that this child wouldn't look like me at all really bothered me. I could just imagine in the future that my DE child in the teen years could be saying things like, "you like bio son better because he's your real son and I'm not" or "you're not my real mother so I don't have to listen to you" and it would be just heartbreaking. I could also imagine my son wondering why I had to go to such great efforts to give him a sibling and saying something like, "why wasn't I enough? You should have just had one kid."

Anyhow, after thinking about this for about a year we decided to just be content with an only child.

Thank you for your honest thoughts. Did you and your husband ever consider donor embryo?

PP here. No, we never considered donor embryo. It just seemed too complicated, like how do you explain that to the child? I would have much rather pursued adoption, seems so much easier to understand from the child's point of view.

[Anonymous]

OP, there are some similar threads on this here - in which I (and many others) have written a lot about our experiences/choices/decisions around DE.

For some reason a search doesn't seem to be returning anything older than a couple of days so I can't find the threads for you. Maybe I'll ask Jeff to look into that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, there are some similar threads on this here - in which I (and many others) have written a lot about our experiences/choices/decisions around DE.

For some reason a search doesn't seem to be returning anything older than a couple of days so I can't find the threads for you. Maybe I'll ask Jeff to look into that.

Normally I would use the search function but for some reason it keeps coming back to me as "nothing" or only recent threads, as you said!

[Anonymous]

Was an easy decision for me once I looked at the success rate statistics. Now I have two young children conceived this way. The tricky part is definitely keeping my privacy intact while also being open to telling the kids when they are older. I am glad I did it but there are things that wish I did not have to face like that. It is a very heavy burden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was an easy decision for me once I looked at the success rate statistics. Now I have two young children conceived this way. The tricky part is definitely keeping my privacy intact while also being open to telling the kids when they are older. I am glad I did it but there are things that wish I did not have to face like that. It is a very heavy burden.

Yes.

[Anonymous]

We went that route and are working on our cycle. We had our DD on our own a couple of years ago and have been trying for 4 plus years. It has been hard but us wanting to grow our family and our DD wanting a sibling we have decided to go that route and now are at peace and are happy. We were very apprehensive and it was a hard decision.

My DH and I decided to just let our daughter and if we have a child from this to let them know only and no one else. We don't want any judgement but think we owe to our chilldren

[Anonymous]

35 seems a bit young to do donor egg. Even though you have DOR, the eggs you do produce will probably be high quality. Do your IVF protocols start with birth control pills? If so, this is over-suppressing you. I would consider trying a protocol that does not start with BCP's before moving onto donor egg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:35 seems a bit young to do donor egg. Even though you have DOR, the eggs you do produce will probably be high quality. Do your IVF protocols start with birth control pills? If so, this is over-suppressing you. I would consider trying a protocol that does not start with BCP's before moving onto donor egg.

What types of protocols are those?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:35 seems a bit young to do donor egg. Even though you have DOR, the eggs you do produce will probably be high quality. Do your IVF protocols start with birth control pills? If so, this is over-suppressing you. I would consider trying a protocol that does not start with BCP's before moving onto donor egg.

What types of protocols are those?

DP - there is natural start protocol with not suppression. You wait for the start of your cycle then stimulate.