How did you wrap your head around donor egg?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ppl (or maybe one poster) on this thread seem to be equating DE with creating a child to "sell" and calling it dangerious and unethical. If so why is it so much worse than sperm donated created babies? Personally I dont see a difference between the two (eggs and sperm are microscopic elements necessary to create a baby.

Sperm donor babies have existed for decades now and we dont see waves and waves of maladjusted kids. Why would DE be different? If anything I think its terribly compelling to show the child pictures of the mother carrying the pregnancy, pictures of mother and baby at birth, and the knowledge that they have been together since the beginning. This child grows inside them, is part of them. -- signed infertility survivor finally coming around to DE

They are both equally as bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ppl (or maybe one poster) on this thread seem to be equating DE with creating a child to "sell" and calling it dangerious and unethical. If so why is it so much worse than sperm donated created babies? Personally I dont see a difference between the two (eggs and sperm are microscopic elements necessary to create a baby.

Sperm donor babies have existed for decades now and we dont see waves and waves of maladjusted kids. Why would DE be different? If anything I think its terribly compelling to show the child pictures of the mother carrying the pregnancy, pictures of mother and baby at birth, and the knowledge that they have been together since the beginning. This child grows inside them, is part of them. -- signed infertility survivor finally coming around to DE

Where have you been? Look online. There are lots of now adults created by sperm donation who are speaking out about it. And one of the many reasons why gamete donation is unethical is that it completely goes against human nature to purposely conceive a child of your own to give away. Humans are supposed to care for and love their own children, not be willing to give them away as favors for someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used a DE. It was the only possible route for us as I was in my late 40s at the time and had basically no egg reserve. We got pregnant with the first transfer of the first cycle and now are the parents of a beautiful, smart, silly, boy who is the total joy of our lives. I became comfortable with the DE concept after looking through the SGF donor database and realizing there were many quality donors to choose from, that before selecting a donor we could see the results of donor genetic tests and thus select or steer around donors on that basis, and we would be provided with a lot of additional information, including pictures of them as kids and adults, nationality, etc., such that I could select someone like me. When I someday tell my son (who is not quite 2 yet) that he was conceived with a DE, I have a story to tell about how we selected the perfect donor, who like me, is from a family with XYZ nationality, studied XYZ in college, played xYZ instrument or played XYZ sports. (You may need to wait several months to find the perfect match, but, study the database, and pounce as soon as the perfect donor appears.) I should add that, once your child is born, the DE issue that so occupies your mind right now will fade into the background. At no point during any day do I think, oh, you’re not genetically related to me, I just just think, oh, man, do I love you!

How nice for you, but you do realize that all things being equal, people prefer to be raised by their genetic parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used a DE. It was the only possible route for us as I was in my late 40s at the time and had basically no egg reserve. We got pregnant with the first transfer of the first cycle and now are the parents of a beautiful, smart, silly, boy who is the total joy of our lives. I became comfortable with the DE concept after looking through the SGF donor database and realizing there were many quality donors to choose from, that before selecting a donor we could see the results of donor genetic tests and thus select or steer around donors on that basis, and we would be provided with a lot of additional information, including pictures of them as kids and adults, nationality, etc., such that I could select someone like me. When I someday tell my son (who is not quite 2 yet) that he was conceived with a DE, I have a story to tell about how we selected the perfect donor, who like me, is from a family with XYZ nationality, studied XYZ in college, played xYZ instrument or played XYZ sports. (You may need to wait several months to find the perfect match, but, study the database, and pounce as soon as the perfect donor appears.) I should add that, once your child is born, the DE issue that so occupies your mind right now will fade into the background. At no point during any day do I think, oh, you’re not genetically related to me, I just just think, oh, man, do I love you!

How nice for you, but you do realize that all things being equal, people prefer to be raised by their genetic parents?

There are plenty of kids who have horrible genetic parents. Plenty of kids who have to cut off their genetic parents. Check out the family relationship thread.

[Anonymous]

We had a long fertility journey and like a lot of people, my "line in the sand" moved repeatedly, especially because DH desperately wanted a child. We did a gestational carrier plus DE (so two different women) in the end. I really wanted to be genetically related to my child, and so I asked siblings/cousins to donate, but they refused. So we used an anonymous donor through an agency, ultimately.

We were open with family and with close friends about the use of DE. We took the research-based recommendation to start discussing LO's origins starting around age 2 -- that way it's always a part of their identity, and they'll understand more gradually as they get older.

Ironically LO looks far more like me than DH (even though I don't think the donor looks like me), so much so that everyone comments on it. And I absolutely adore LO.

I will probably always wonder what it would have been like to have my own biological children, and what a child that combined DH and I would have been like. That's a tinge of sadness, but it's just one of those background regrets -- a path not taken. In some ways, LO is probably a more awesome kid for not being related to me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ppl (or maybe one poster) on this thread seem to be equating DE with creating a child to "sell" and calling it dangerious and unethical. If so why is it so much worse than sperm donated created babies? Personally I dont see a difference between the two (eggs and sperm are microscopic elements necessary to create a baby.

Sperm donor babies have existed for decades now and we dont see waves and waves of maladjusted kids. Why would DE be different? If anything I think its terribly compelling to show the child pictures of the mother carrying the pregnancy, pictures of mother and baby at birth, and the knowledge that they have been together since the beginning. This child grows inside them, is part of them. -- signed infertility survivor finally coming around to DE

They are both equally as bad.

Why is it bad? It's easy to be judgy up until the moment you or your kid need a blood transfusion or a bone marrow donation, then donating biological material is great, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:42-year-old. 3 years of struggle. Will not consider donor eggs, would rather be childless.

Why are you so against it?

Not pp, but one reason that I would be against it is because it’s unethical to deliberately create a child who is half adopted.

Your logic doesn’t make sense and you seem ignorant

[Anonymous]

My DE children are 22. Back then it was rare and you had to be screened and specially selected (I laugh about that now but then the donors egg seemed more important than anything ) So many patients so few donors.
There was no hope for me clinically and the doctor suggested it. At first I couldn’t wrap my thoughts around it, but we had just finished our adoption home study. So that was not so different than DE and I felt I had more control.
It helped that my DH is very accomplished and an athlete who had gone through loss after loss with me. I wanted a child with him and although I was sad about not having a genetic tie there was no cure for that.
When our twins were born I knew this was the best decision we could possibly have made.
I am amazed, so proud of them and I just love them so very much. I still have a sense of wonder that it turned out so well.
We decided to hold off telling them.
Some 90+% of donor sperm keep that private. Why should a woman be held to a different standard ? It’s a private matter and we wanted that after everything.
I am very glad we made that decision. We told them when they turned 18. They are completely fine with it.

[Anonymous]

OP did you make a decision?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used a DE. It was the only possible route for us as I was in my late 40s at the time and had basically no egg reserve. We got pregnant with the first transfer of the first cycle and now are the parents of a beautiful, smart, silly, boy who is the total joy of our lives. I became comfortable with the DE concept after looking through the SGF donor database and realizing there were many quality donors to choose from, that before selecting a donor we could see the results of donor genetic tests and thus select or steer around donors on that basis, and we would be provided with a lot of additional information, including pictures of them as kids and adults, nationality, etc., such that I could select someone like me. When I someday tell my son (who is not quite 2 yet) that he was conceived with a DE, I have a story to tell about how we selected the perfect donor, who like me, is from a family with XYZ nationality, studied XYZ in college, played xYZ instrument or played XYZ sports. (You may need to wait several months to find the perfect match, but, study the database, and pounce as soon as the perfect donor appears.) I should add that, once your child is born, the DE issue that so occupies your mind right now will fade into the background. At no point during any day do I think, oh, you’re not genetically related to me, I just just think, oh, man, do I love you!

do you know how much SG donor egg is?

[Anonymous]

So funny the people who are anti- not having a genetic conection. You do realize for thousands of years people have been raising children that they weren't genetically related to. Whether it be because the Mom had sex with a neighbor and never told Dad who is raising him/her. Or Mom died in childbirth and Dad remarries another woman.

So So So many generations of people have been lovingly raised by people who they have no genetic connection to.

And now with 23andMe and Ancestry, many more will find out...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if you don't mind sharing, how have you come to the conclusion that you might be at that point? How many cycles have you done? What are your numbers? Curious to know more about your experience, as I'm relatively new to this process.

The biggest thing is my RE brought it up as a possible next step.

I've done two cycles, one of which resulted in a success. But that was when I was 32.

Numbers now: I am 35yo with a 0.28 amh. I'm a poor responder which is my biggest concern-- just won't produce enough follies. In 2 cycles I've produced 4 and 3 follicles, respectively, on maximum stims.

A part of me knows there MUST be at least one good egg left in me (husband has no issues) but just trying to be realistic here.

Max stims with DOR might be part of the problem. You should investigate mini IVF.

+1 have you seen Frankfurter at GWU? Or tried EPP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:35 seems a bit young to do donor egg. Even though you have DOR, the eggs you do produce will probably be high quality. Do your IVF protocols start with birth control pills? If so, this is over-suppressing you. I would consider trying a protocol that does not start with BCP's before moving onto donor egg.

What types of protocols are those?

Estrogen priming protocol and natural cycle IVF are the two I know of.

I did EPP at 34 with suspected DOR and got 13 eggs. They were shocked. I don’t remember my AFC but it wasn’t promising. 3 blasts, 2 babies and one still on ice.

[Anonymous]

To the person who asked if I know how much SG donor egg is, its been almost 3 years so I’m not sure what the price is currently They have a brochure that spells out the costs that you can pick up at their offices. My recollection is it worked this way in 2016: If you use a donor egg you must participate in their money back Guarantee program. I don’t recall the program name but it is what it sounds like - they will refund your money if they are not successful. Success = birth. This program is more expensive than others but you can reduce the costs by splitting the donors eggs with one or two other couples. The price they charge includes up to 6 cycles. We split with 1 couple and it cost us about $39,000, without insurance.

[Anonymous]

I paid $39,000 for frozen shared risk donor egg at Shady Grove in 2017, no PGS.