Husband is not supportive of me going back to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do women marry such losers?

OP, was this an arranged marriage and you had no idea what your DH was like?

Op here. Kind of. We dated for 1 year but our parents were very involved.

[Anonymous]

The advice to let go of the hope that he will help is excellent. You need to make peace with the fact that he isn't going to pull his weight. The faster that you can view his laziness as an unfortunate accident of fate, like him being hit by a car and paralyzed, the faster you can make peace. Because let's be honest. You won't divorce him. And you can't make him change. The only thing you can have even a tiny bit of control over is how you process the information. View him as a cripple- he is, in the emotional sense- and learn to make peace with the unfairness of life. I did that, and once I stopped trying to bargain and negotiate, and a silence fell over me and I quit trying, my husband got creeped out and started helping. But don't expect that. Be zen- expect less in life in order to reach happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The advice to let go of the hope that he will help is excellent. You need to make peace with the fact that he isn't going to pull his weight. The faster that you can view his laziness as an unfortunate accident of fate, like him being hit by a car and paralyzed, the faster you can make peace. Because let's be honest. You won't divorce him. And you can't make him change. The only thing you can have even a tiny bit of control over is how you process the information. View him as a cripple- he is, in the emotional sense- and learn to make peace with the unfairness of life. I did that, and once I stopped trying to bargain and negotiate, and a silence fell over me and I quit trying, my husband got creeped out and started helping. But don't expect that. Be zen- expect less in life in order to reach happiness.

Op. Omg this is so sad but it gives me hope. I guess I need to do the silent treatment.

[Anonymous]

Okay so I'm going to play devil's advocate here and ask the question that no one seems to have asked yet. And that is did you and your DH actually discuss a plan for childcare before you got pregnant and/or before the baby was born?

Is it possible you agreed to be a SAHM and he was enthusiastic about the value of that (some men still are, some are not) and now he feels disappointed and like you are pulling a bait and switch? It is not really his decision to make for YOUR life, but it does impact the manner in which your shared child is raised (and, as you pointed out, his ability to interact with said child over daily lunches), so maybe he is just really upset about it and you have to give him a hot minute to adjust to the rug being pulled out from under him.

I don't think his not being enthusiastic about this means that he SUCKS any more than you changing your mind about staying at home means that YOU suck. You just aren't seeing eye to eye on this. Of course, your viewpoint has to "win" here for your own sanity (and possibly for the welfare of your child, b/c depression is no joke and that is where you are headed if you don't take care of your own needs) but it doesn't mean he is intstantly going to be thrilled. I think you need to maybe own part of this as yours for making a plan and being unable/unwilling to stick to it. Allow for him to have negative feelings about it. And then acknowledge those feelings and ask how you can help him to overcome how he's feeling and accept the new reality in a more positive way. If you want the best for your child and family, you really do need to meet him halfway.

Others telling you your husband is a jerk is not productive or helpful for your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Birth control ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do women marry such losers?

OP, was this an arranged marriage and you had no idea what your DH was like?

Also, you are currently a sahm, so the house work is on you. That changes when you start working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay so I'm going to play devil's advocate here and ask the question that no one seems to have asked yet. And that is did you and your DH actually discuss a plan for childcare before you got pregnant and/or before the baby was born?

Is it possible you agreed to be a SAHM and he was enthusiastic about the value of that (some men still are, some are not) and now he feels disappointed and like you are pulling a bait and switch? It is not really his decision to make for YOUR life, but it does impact the manner in which your shared child is raised (and, as you pointed out, his ability to interact with said child over daily lunches), so maybe he is just really upset about it and you have to give him a hot minute to adjust to the rug being pulled out from under him.

I don't think his not being enthusiastic about this means that he SUCKS any more than you changing your mind about staying at home means that YOU suck. You just aren't seeing eye to eye on this. Of course, your viewpoint has to "win" here for your own sanity (and possibly for the welfare of your child, b/c depression is no joke and that is where you are headed if you don't take care of your own needs) but it doesn't mean he is intstantly going to be thrilled. I think you need to maybe own part of this as yours for making a plan and being unable/unwilling to stick to it. Allow for him to have negative feelings about it. And then acknowledge those feelings and ask how you can help him to overcome how he's feeling and accept the new reality in a more positive way. If you want the best for your child and family, you really do need to meet him halfway.

Others telling you your husband is a jerk is not productive or helpful for your marriage.

Wow pp you're a crappy person. Are you really trying to make OP feel bad about not wanting to be a SAHM? I am sure it was a hard decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do women marry such losers?

OP, was this an arranged marriage and you had no idea what your DH was like?

Also, you are currently a sahm, so the house work is on you. That changes when you start working.

Nope and this is why OP most likely went back to work. No one likes to be responsible for all the housework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay so I'm going to play devil's advocate here and ask the question that no one seems to have asked yet. And that is did you and your DH actually discuss a plan for childcare before you got pregnant and/or before the baby was born?

Is it possible you agreed to be a SAHM and he was enthusiastic about the value of that (some men still are, some are not) and now he feels disappointed and like you are pulling a bait and switch? It is not really his decision to make for YOUR life, but it does impact the manner in which your shared child is raised (and, as you pointed out, his ability to interact with said child over daily lunches), so maybe he is just really upset about it and you have to give him a hot minute to adjust to the rug being pulled out from under him.

I don't think his not being enthusiastic about this means that he SUCKS any more than you changing your mind about staying at home means that YOU suck. You just aren't seeing eye to eye on this. Of course, your viewpoint has to "win" here for your own sanity (and possibly for the welfare of your child, b/c depression is no joke and that is where you are headed if you don't take care of your own needs) but it doesn't mean he is intstantly going to be thrilled. I think you need to maybe own part of this as yours for making a plan and being unable/unwilling to stick to it. Allow for him to have negative feelings about it. And then acknowledge those feelings and ask how you can help him to overcome how he's feeling and accept the new reality in a more positive way. If you want the best for your child and family, you really do need to meet him halfway.

Others telling you your husband is a jerk is not productive or helpful for your marriage.

Wow pp you're a huge bit**. Her husband doesn't get to be mad about his wife being depressed. She's doing the right thing. He should be supporting her. There are tons of depressed Sahm's who continue staying home anyway. That's so bad for their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay so I'm going to play devil's advocate here and ask the question that no one seems to have asked yet. And that is did you and your DH actually discuss a plan for childcare before you got pregnant and/or before the baby was born?

Is it possible you agreed to be a SAHM and he was enthusiastic about the value of that (some men still are, some are not) and now he feels disappointed and like you are pulling a bait and switch? It is not really his decision to make for YOUR life, but it does impact the manner in which your shared child is raised (and, as you pointed out, his ability to interact with said child over daily lunches), so maybe he is just really upset about it and you have to give him a hot minute to adjust to the rug being pulled out from under him.

I don't think his not being enthusiastic about this means that he SUCKS any more than you changing your mind about staying at home means that YOU suck. You just aren't seeing eye to eye on this. Of course, your viewpoint has to "win" here for your own sanity (and possibly for the welfare of your child, b/c depression is no joke and that is where you are headed if you don't take care of your own needs) but it doesn't mean he is intstantly going to be thrilled. I think you need to maybe own part of this as yours for making a plan and being unable/unwilling to stick to it. Allow for him to have negative feelings about it. And then acknowledge those feelings and ask how you can help him to overcome how he's feeling and accept the new reality in a more positive way. If you want the best for your child and family, you really do need to meet him halfway.

Others telling you your husband is a jerk is not productive or helpful for your marriage.

Go back under the rock you crawled out of pp. You're bat shit crazy.

[Anonymous]

Even if he wanted you to go back to work he probably wouldn’t help you find a daycare. What men want is someone to take care of the day care, the house , the kids and everything else . He wants you to have time to care for him too. Thus his jack of enthusiasm.
It’s very self centered obviously as odds are he would never take a few years off of work to do the same thing. Also I’m sure that he’s not thinking about how hard it is to return to work when you’ve been out for five years.
Soldier on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he need to fill out the forms?

Op here. Yes. Both parents need to sign the forms. He also has to be present when he's handing in the forms because they have to check his employee ID. The daycare gives a discount to employees at his company. My handwriting is also huge and some of the forms are super small. I asked him if he could finish filling out the forms tonight while I finish something from work. He can't be bother to do anything besides bring home a paycheck. Laundry, changing diapers, bringing out daughter outside to play is all too much for him.

Sign for him and move on.

If all of these basic things are too much for him I would head back to work ASAP and I would not have any more kids with him.
He sounds strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he need to fill out the forms?

Op here. Yes. Both parents need to sign the forms. He also has to be present when he's handing in the forms because they have to check his employee ID. The daycare gives a discount to employees at his company. My handwriting is also huge and some of the forms are super small. I asked him if he could finish filling out the forms tonight while I finish something from work. He can't be bother to do anything besides bring home a paycheck. Laundry, changing diapers, bringing out daughter outside to play is all too much for him.

At a minimum stop doing his laundry.

[Anonymous]

OP do you need the money? Will your husband make a lot more than you? If the answers are no/yes, I don't understand why you won't just stay home. Why is everything about "happiness" and nothing about sacrifice? I'm sure your husband would stay home if it were financially possible for him to do so.

Women have choices. Men have obligations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP do you need the money? Will your husband make a lot more than you? If the answers are no/yes, I don't understand why you won't just stay home. Why is everything about "happiness" and nothing about sacrifice? I'm sure your husband would stay home if it were financially possible for him to do so.

Women have choices. Men have obligations.

The dude is weird and isn’t treating her right and she’s had enough of being a SAHM and wants to get back to her career?
What choices did she have? She gave birth to a child and has cared for said child - that’s doing a lot for others and is an obligation.
So- gestating a baby for 9 months and giving birth is a cakewalk to you??

Even if she loved being a SAHM she should go back to work as this guy isn’t emotionally healthy or stable and she very well might need a good income to support herself and her child.