Husband is not supportive of me going back to work.
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Anonymous
| I start my job in 3 weeks. I've been looking at daycares and DH is NOT interested in talking about daycare. He won't fill out the forms. I have not been touring a ton of schools. I really feel like he wants me to suck it up and stay home with my child until she's in kindergarten. I am not happy being a SAHM. I thought I would love it but it's slowly killing me. It really hurts me that DH isn't supportive. He ignores me when I say I am depressed. We don't have family near by. Dh doesn't help out around the house. He's also balking about doing daycare pick up even though daycare is 1 block from his work! I think he's sad that he won't be able to have lunch with dd anymore. I have pretty much accepted that I will still be responsible for all the household work because I know DH won't do anything. This is just a vent. My husband really sucks. He goes silent and won't talk about anything. He keeps saying he's thinking. |
Anonymous
| It's a good thing you have a job OP. DTMF. |
Anonymous
|
Lots of men refuse to engage in things like school tours - who knows why. I wouldn't necessarily take that as a signal, my husband talks passionately about wanting our kids to go to "the best" schools but has yet to actually go to a tour / open house / do any research etc.
Tactically use the additional HHI from your working to hire a cleaning service and any other supports you need to make life manageable. Your husband wants to work instead of focusing on domestic stuff, you want to work instead of focusing on domestic chores - so jointly you pay to outsource those chores. Its a very worthwhile investment to prevent fights |
Anonymous
OP. I didn't ask him to go the tours. He won't fill out the daycare FORMS. He won't talk about which daycare to select. Do most men refuse to do this? It doesn't seem normal to me. |
Anonymous
| Technically he doesn’t need to fill out the forms. Practically he’s a complete asshole and you should go back to work as soon as possible. |
Anonymous
| Does he need to fill out the forms? |
Anonymous
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Why is he refusing to fill the forms?
You need to sit him down and state: "You need to pull your weight in this household. I need to get back to work, our child needs daycare, unless you want to pay for nanny. I expect X and Y from you unless you want to pay to outsource these things. If you don't do all this, we are divorcing. Get your act together, because you're being a selfish jerk right now." |
Anonymous
Op here. Yes. Both parents need to sign the forms. He also has to be present when he's handing in the forms because they have to check his employee ID. The daycare gives a discount to employees at his company. My handwriting is also huge and some of the forms are super small. I asked him if he could finish filling out the forms tonight while I finish something from work. He can't be bother to do anything besides bring home a paycheck. Laundry, changing diapers, bringing out daughter outside to play is all too much for him. |
Anonymous
This is going to cause a lot of stress and fights. Mentally knowing this and living it are two very different things. But yes, your DH sucks. |
Anonymous
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So sorry you are in this position OP. You are doing exactly the right thing by going back to work!!!! Uou are fantastic not to be intimidated by him!!!!
Please look at other daycares that are close to your work and that are convenient for you. It may cost a little more but in the end, give you options and peace of mind, in case your DH refuses to do drop offs. Also, as soon as you get back to work, start building your social network so you create people who can help you. Invite neighbors for coffee, find a babysitting coop or other Moms who can do and trade playdates, consider joining a church and getting support there. Your DH is being a douche and there’s no way to tell if he’ll come around. Meanwhile carry on and create the framework for a stable life with or without him. I found that my life improved a great deal when I started planning as if my husband wouldn’t help rather than ask for his help and screwed by him at the last minute. |
Anonymous
| Given your husband is not willing to do his fair share of house work, you need to outsource as much as possible. Hire domestic help to offload and give yourself a break. |
Anonymous
| Divorce him. You can live without your husband, and your child does not need a dad. Daycare is going to be a great experience for your child and you will see how very resilient your child will become. |
Anonymous
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On reflection, he might have severe inattentive ADHD, which would explain the slow processing speed, procrastination, inability to multitiask or even remember what needs to be done beyond the essential task of not getting fired.
Tell me how I know. My husband with ADHD can't even avoid not getting fired. If he's willing, meds work great for that. |
Anonymous
| I'm a guy and you just have to stay strong. If he won't get engaged in the day care process just do it yourself. When you get back to work you will still bear the burden of everything and it will drive you nuts. Stop doing his laundry. Stop doing other things where he is the primary beneficiary such as shirts to the cleaners or any other man stuff. Simply stop doing anything that only effects him. He's being an ass and needs to suck it up and grow up. |
Anonymous
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Why do women marry such losers?
OP, was this an arranged marriage and you had no idea what your DH was like? |