Average straight guys: tell us about your dating experiences

[Anonymous]

I'm 5'9" and average looking. A nice guy and the boy next door type. I had one girlfriend in high school. One year break; two in college (each 2 years, I was in college for 5 years). One post-college; dated for 5 years. Took a break for 5 years and met the woman who would become my wife at 33. Married at 37. Now 53 with 2 kids.

Each of my girlfriends I met through mutual activities that I attended for myself because I enjoyed the activity. I happened to meet someone who shared my interest. With the exception of my two college girlfriends, I was never in a situation like you describe where the girls were dating or choosing between multiple guys. The college girlfriends were that situation as there were more guys in the science fiction club than girls (duh!) and the girls had their pick of nerdy guys. I was lucky to get picked twice (maybe I'm a little less nerdy than some of my friends were?).

I met my wife through community theater (something I had done in high school and college). I decided to get back involved in theater and it was good. There are many more women including many single women in community theater than there are men. I met my now-wife in my first production. We started dating about a month after the show closed. Single straight guys joining theater groups often have a big selection of available women to date.

[Anonymous]

As a married woman from NY, I have often looked around bards in DC and thought, damn, I could have killed the dating scene here. I find the guys to be better looking and more put together than the women.

[Anonymous]

The issue is online dating apps and social media. Any woman who gets on it will find herself indundated and it inflates her ego. If you don't believe me, set up a fake female account using some photo you found online, and watch how many messages that account gets within hours.

My trick is to avoid women who engage in that. There are plenty of women who aren't using Tinder and aren't posting to Instagram every 20 minutes. Meet them out in the real world, like at parties and bars and so on. Avoid the workplace or any work-related event though -- you can get accused of harrassment.

Also if I'm out one-on-one with a woman like out to dinner, and she gets on her phone more than once during our dinner, unless it's an emergency, and she's off my list. Common courtesy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 5'9" and average looking. A nice guy and the boy next door type. I had one girlfriend in high school. One year break; two in college (each 2 years, I was in college for 5 years). One post-college; dated for 5 years. Took a break for 5 years and met the woman who would become my wife at 33. Married at 37. Now 53 with 2 kids.

You met your DW 20 years ago. Smartphones didn't even exist then, and online dating was in its infancy. Today's single people have a lot more options, which can be a good and a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 5'9" and average looking. A nice guy and the boy next door type. I had one girlfriend in high school. One year break; two in college (each 2 years, I was in college for 5 years). One post-college; dated for 5 years. Took a break for 5 years and met the woman who would become my wife at 33. Married at 37. Now 53 with 2 kids.

You met your DW 20 years ago. Smartphones didn't even exist then, and online dating was in its infancy. Today's single people have a lot more options, which can be a good and a bad thing.

True, but I'm still involved in community theater and I can still tell you that single straight men who join community theater often find dates with the larger female population within the arts community. I know of at least 6 couples within the last 2-3 years who met through community theater, almost always when the guy did his first show. Half of those couples are married or engaged. The others are in committed exclusive relationships after having met through theater. For single guys, even average guys, it's a great place to meet single available women where the odds are in your favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 5'9" and average looking. A nice guy and the boy next door type. I had one girlfriend in high school. One year break; two in college (each 2 years, I was in college for 5 years). One post-college; dated for 5 years. Took a break for 5 years and met the woman who would become my wife at 33. Married at 37. Now 53 with 2 kids.

You met your DW 20 years ago. Smartphones didn't even exist then, and online dating was in its infancy. Today's single people have a lot more options, which can be a good and a bad thing.

True, but I'm still involved in community theater and I can still tell you that single straight men who join community theater often find dates with the larger female population within the arts community. I know of at least 6 couples within the last 2-3 years who met through community theater, almost always when the guy did his first show. Half of those couples are married or engaged. The others are in committed exclusive relationships after having met through theater. For single guys, even average guys, it's a great place to meet single available women where the odds are in your favor.

What can you do to get involved in community theatre if you're not an actor?

[Anonymous]

I was once dumped by an unemployed single mother I was 8 inches taller than. I treated her well, she cheated on me and left me for the replacement she found. At the time I was making low six figures

[Anonymous]

If you aren’t a player your only chances are to either be way out of her league or just don’t care. Either way you will be a challenge for her creating the drama she needs.

I once wanted to get out of a relationship with a crazy woman and thought she would accuse me of rape if I dumped. Her . So what did I do? I became really nice and caring to her and that bored her and within 3 weeks of that she dumped me!

[Anonymous]

DC is a target rich environment for even an average guy. Hill staffers are everywhere looking for a decent guy and lobbying and PR firms are loaded with good looking young women. If you are average looking, have a good job, can hold an intelligent conversation and can eat with a knife and fork you can do very well.

[Anonymous]

If you have a good paying job you aren’t average

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC is a target rich environment for even an average guy. Hill staffers are everywhere looking for a decent guy and lobbying and PR firms are loaded with good looking young women. If you are average looking, have a good job, can hold an intelligent conversation and can eat with a knife and fork you can do very well.

Yeah. I had a lot of sex when I was single, and a variety of relationships, ranging from a month, to a couple of years (and now married 15 years). This is before app dating (although online dating was just starting to pop up, though it still had a stigma attached). I imagine it's changed quite a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC is a target rich environment for even an average guy. Hill staffers are everywhere looking for a decent guy and lobbying and PR firms are loaded with good looking young women. If you are average looking, have a good job, can hold an intelligent conversation and can eat with a knife and fork you can do very well.

These are exactly the same women I posted of above, looking for unicorns. They're the one's that, rather than ask, "how do you do" when they meet you, ask, "what do you do?"

No where else in America does this happen except DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is a target rich environment for even an average guy. Hill staffers are everywhere looking for a decent guy and lobbying and PR firms are loaded with good looking young women. If you are average looking, have a good job, can hold an intelligent conversation and can eat with a knife and fork you can do very well.

These are exactly the same women I posted of above, looking for unicorns. They're the one's that, rather than ask, "how do you do" when they meet you, ask, "what do you do?"

No where else in America does this happen except DC.

I’ve gotten what do you do in NY.

[Anonymous]

Your problem:

1. 80% of the women are chasing 20% of the men.
2. You think you are in the 80% of the men who are not being chased ("average straight guy... average looks... average guy who isn’t a player...")

Solution:

Stop being average.

1. Go get jacked. Most of the guys I see are skinnyfat.
2. Dress well. Most guys I see are slobs.
3. Improve your social skills. Most guys are inept, especially at speaking to women.
4. Do interesting things. Most guys are boring.

If you have muscles, are well dressed, are chatty and confident, and have an interesting life, you will be in the top 5% of men.

Now enough of your defeatism. Go forth and improve yourself!

[Anonymous]

Why should women be attracted to men that cannot support their portion of a household in DC?