ugh... ILs here and DH regressing into child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just keep your family routine as normal for cooking and shopping.

You almost have to have the mindset of being a single parent for the next week b/c your DH will be busy waiting hand & foot on his parents and totally making them feel comfortable, etc. and not be much of a help at all with parenting duties.

You know your toddler isn't going to eat brats & sauerkrat for dinner for the next 5 nights so just make something you and the kid will eat. Stop at the store on your way back from work to pick up needed items, etc.
Like I said, just think of it as solo parenting for the next few days.

But I’m the one waiting hand and foot. I’m cooking, doing the extra cleaning and laundry, etc., so they can visit. I’m up long before everyone, making sure the kitchen is clean, bathrooms are stocked, and the coffee and breakfast are ready. I’m also watching DD most of the time, other than when they want to take her to the park. I stepped out to take the garbage out the other night and 3 adults totally lost track of her, even though I said I was stepping outside for 5minutes, [i]

Don't expect them to look after your child. If you need to leave her, say in a clear loud voice in front of everyone, "I'm going out for x minutes. DH, I would like you to watch her the whole time I'm gone."

Which, if you read my post. But DH, who is now a child, completely lost track of her. I wasn’t gone more than a few minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH needs to step up as host/food provider and you need to unclench about décor and radio stations.

Also I think you might want to offer the toddler some of their preferred food--you know, just in case toddler likes it!

I am offering. She will eat some, but I like a more rounded diet for her.

Like I said, I am mixing up what I am making. One night “our” food, one night “theirs”.But the next week, apparently MY HUSBAND is making German food only.

FTFY

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH needs to step up as host/food provider and you need to unclench about décor and radio stations.

Also I think you might want to offer the toddler some of their preferred food--you know, just in case toddler likes it!

I am offering. She will eat some, but I like a more rounded diet for her.

Like I said, I am mixing up what I am making. One night “our” food, one night “theirs”.But the next week, apparently I am making German food only.

Why do you allow your DH to have so much power over you? You're the one cooking the dinner. You can't stop him cooking his own dinner, but you can refuse to cook it. Does DH earn all the money? Any other reason you think he's the boss?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just keep your family routine as normal for cooking and shopping.

You almost have to have the mindset of being a single parent for the next week b/c your DH will be busy waiting hand & foot on his parents and totally making them feel comfortable, etc. and not be much of a help at all with parenting duties.

You know your toddler isn't going to eat brats & sauerkrat for dinner for the next 5 nights so just make something you and the kid will eat. Stop at the store on your way back from work to pick up needed items, etc.
Like I said, just think of it as solo parenting for the next few days.

But I’m the one waiting hand and foot. I’m cooking, doing the extra cleaning and laundry, etc., so they can visit. I’m up long before everyone, making sure the kitchen is clean, bathrooms are stocked, and the coffee and breakfast are ready. I’m also watching DD most of the time, other than when they want to take her to the park. I stepped out to take the garbage out the other night and 3 adults totally lost track of her, even though I said I was stepping outside for 5minutes, [i]

Don't expect them to look after your child. If you need to leave her, say in a clear loud voice in front of everyone, "I'm going out for x minutes. DH, I would like you to watch her the whole time I'm gone."

Which, if you read my post. But DH, who is now a child, completely lost track of her. I wasn’t gone more than a few minutes.

If you daughter was potentially in a dangerous situation because your DH neglected his duties then you should scream at him. Remind him exactly what could have happened. Germans are very uncomfortable with screaming among the family members. I really doubt he'd do it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH needs to step up as host/food provider and you need to unclench about décor and radio stations.

Also I think you might want to offer the toddler some of their preferred food--you know, just in case toddler likes it!

I am offering. She will eat some, but I like a more rounded diet for her.

Like I said, I am mixing up what I am making. One night “our” food, one night “theirs”.But the next week, apparently I am making German food only.

Why do you allow your DH to have so much power over you? You're the one cooking the dinner. You can't stop him cooking his own dinner, but you can refuse to cook it. Does DH earn all the money? Any other reason you think he's the boss?

It’s not a fight I’m interesting in having while we have guests. I’m just frustrated that he’s totally become incompetent. I do want him to visit with them, as they don’t visit often, but I’m just tired of it being a one way show, and him stomping his feet when I ask that my needs also be met. It’s not worth a blowout at this point, though. Maybe when they leave.

[Anonymous]

Wait, if they only live two hours away from you, why are they staying for a week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH needs to step up as host/food provider and you need to unclench about décor and radio stations.

Also I think you might want to offer the toddler some of their preferred food--you know, just in case toddler likes it!

I am offering. She will eat some, but I like a more rounded diet for her.

Like I said, I am mixing up what I am making. One night “our” food, one night “theirs”.But the next week, apparently I am making German food only.

Why do you allow your DH to have so much power over you? You're the one cooking the dinner. You can't stop him cooking his own dinner, but you can refuse to cook it. Does DH earn all the money? Any other reason you think he's the boss?

It’s not a fight I’m interesting in having while we have guests. I’m just frustrated that he’s totally become incompetent. I do want him to visit with them, as they don’t visit often, but I’m just tired of it being a one way show, and him stomping his feet when I ask that my needs also be met. It’s not worth a blowout at this point, though. Maybe when they leave.

YOU need to meet your own needs. You don't ask for them to be met. You cook what you want and just refuse to cook anything else. You refuse to "restock bathrooms" whatever that means. You're being ridiculous. If someone runs out of TP, they can call your DH to deal with it for them. And who cares about cleaning the kitchen. Just clean your own mess in the kitchen as you normally would, and remind DH that his mess is still in the kitchen and it would be great if he could get to it before he goes to bed.

And just show them where the laundry is and let them do their own washing. Who needs to do washing anyway when they go somewhere for a week. Just sleep in and enjoy yourself as much as possible. Letting someone play a radio station is not the same as you willingly slaving away letting other people make work for you.

I had sympathy in the beginning but now I'm with the other PPs - you're behaving like a baby. Real adults put down boundaries and refuse to be mistreated. Exactly what you're accusing your DH of doing with your parents is what you're doing with your DH.

And while you think it's "not worth it" to deal with your DH, your DH thinks it's "not worth it" to deal with his parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, if they only live two hours away from you, why are they staying for a week?

To spend time with DD, Of course. DH is on vacation. We usually rent a cottage, but I couldn’t get the time off work this year.

[Anonymous]

I was your DH once, OP. I have a very close relationship with my parents, and would revert to doing things that they would like, without particular regard for my husband's or my children's preferences, thinking they could adjust without complaint since it was only for a few days.

Now I know better. It's hard to balance everyone's needs, because my parents are VERY set in their ways and get stressed out when they cannot be accommodated (hence why I tried to do so!), but it's also unfair for my husband and kids to suffer. Sometimes there simply isn't a good compromise and someone is unhappy, but it's not from lack of dialogue and flexibility from me!

Hang in there and show your husband my post.

[Anonymous]

15:53 is right. Why are you doing all that restocking and cleaning and washing laundry just because his parents are visiting (and you're working at the same time)? In any case, go about your business, get the food you normally have and would serve. If they want something specific, DH can make it for them. If not, they can eat what you serve. The only one making you miserable is YOU!

[Anonymous]

Your toddler can't eat a hot dog?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He refuses to set boundaries or “inconvenience” them in any way. This goes from me putting out mugs he decided they would think we’re “weird” and changing them (clear glass to regular stoneware), changing the radio station to their kind of music (in a language I don’t understand), choosing only activities that they may like (I understand this one).

This sounds like good hosting, rather than "not setting boundaries" or "not inconveniencing them." Wouldn't you like a host to pick out the kind of mug they know you prefer? Play the music you like? Make plans you'll enjoy? This would go double if you were visiting another country (or a city you're not familiar with) and were 20-30 years older than you currently are.

As for the food, if your husband isn't willing or able to cook, then work together with him to plan food that you are happy making and eating but that your guests will also enjoy.

Seriously? I set out the mugs we normally use.

They are not visiting out of the country. They are 2 hours from home. They have been here before. I don’t think offering clear glass mugs that were in the cupboard instead of stoneware ones that were inaccessible should be a huge hardship for them to overcome.

But it sounds like your choice being dismissed is a huge hardship for YOU to overcome!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, if they only live two hours away from you, why are they staying for a week?

To spend time with DD, Of course. DH is on vacation. We usually rent a cottage, but I couldn’t get the time off work this year.

If DH Is on vacation, and you are working, you shouldn’t have to lift a damn finger. Stop with the getting up early and let DH cope with all this. It doesn’t have to be perfect.

[Anonymous]

^^ also, if this scenario ever happens again where you can’t get off work, Tell DH that he can take DD to his parents house and leave you alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, if they only live two hours away from you, why are they staying for a week?

To spend time with DD, Of course. DH is on vacation. We usually rent a cottage, but I couldn’t get the time off work this year.

If DH Is on vacation, and you are working, you shouldn’t have to lift a damn finger. Stop with the getting up early and let DH cope with all this. It doesn’t have to be perfect.

+1

Why ARE you lifting a finger, OP?