Bully parents

[Anonymous]

I never encountered any I would call a bully, but more extreme helicopter moms who didn't know when to let their kids takeover in making their own plans. I had one mom still contacting me when our kids were 15! "Eva would love to go to the movies with Lara on Friday. Is she available?"

I've also seen it with parents who try to play friend matchmaker for their shy/less social kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never encountered any I would call a bully, but more extreme helicopter moms who didn't know when to let their kids takeover in making their own plans. I had one mom still contacting me when our kids were 15! "Eva would love to go to the movies with Lara on Friday. Is she available?"

I've also seen it with parents who try to play friend matchmaker for their shy/less social kids.

What do you do in this situation? When the parent tries to (practically) force your DC to hang out with their DC? Isn't it more/most valuable to teach your child how to make friends who *want* them around? Some parents think they are "helping" their child by intervening, when in reality, they are further alienating their child. Reviving this thread for more current input.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be honest and say I stopped making play date arrangements for my child a decade ago. It is up to the teens to make their own social plans.

+1

Moms that interfere at that age are just setting their DC up for disaster. Why would I force my kid to hang out with people who clearly do not like him or her? WTH kind of parent does that? If I have issues at home, I deal with them, but not by dragging another family into it. Geesus.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

My child is super popular and part of the “in” crowd I guess and there is one mom who has tried to insist on her daughter’s inclusion in my child’s group. I encouraged this once but dd gave me a couple of very detailed reasons why she doesn’t really care for the other mom’s dd (she spread rumors that a girl at school was a lesbian, threatened one of dd’s friends over a boy, and she stole some cookies out of another child’s lunch box). At 13, you cannot tell them who to be popular with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child is super popular and part of the “in” crowd I guess and there is one mom who has tried to insist on her daughter’s inclusion in my child’s group. I encouraged this once but dd gave me a couple of very detailed reasons why she doesn’t really care for the other mom’s dd (she spread rumors that a girl at school was a lesbian, threatened one of dd’s friends over a boy, and she stole some cookies out of another child’s lunch box). At 13, you cannot tell them who to be popular with.

+1

Kids have their reasons! Back off, helicopter moms, you are only hurting your child. Friendships come and go, but when the parent interferes, it ostracized their child. It is not that difficult to understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never encountered any I would call a bully, but more extreme helicopter moms who didn't know when to let their kids takeover in making their own plans. I had one mom still contacting me when our kids were 15! "Eva would love to go to the movies with Lara on Friday. Is she available?"

I've also seen it with parents who try to play friend matchmaker for their shy/less social kids.

What do you do in this situation? When the parent tries to (practically) force your DC to hang out with their DC? Isn't it more/most valuable to teach your child how to make friends who *want* them around? Some parents think they are "helping" their child by intervening, when in reality, they are further alienating their child. Reviving this thread for more current input.

You could be less gross and have a little more compassion. It's like you are relishing the kids' loneliness and the mothers' attempts to help them. Because I don't believe for one second that you don't know to say "Lara makes her own plans these days, have Eva contact her directly."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never encountered any I would call a bully, but more extreme helicopter moms who didn't know when to let their kids takeover in making their own plans. I had one mom still contacting me when our kids were 15! "Eva would love to go to the movies with Lara on Friday. Is she available?"

I've also seen it with parents who try to play friend matchmaker for their shy/less social kids.

What do you do in this situation? When the parent tries to (practically) force your DC to hang out with their DC? Isn't it more/most valuable to teach your child how to make friends who *want* them around? Some parents think they are "helping" their child by intervening, when in reality, they are further alienating their child. Reviving this thread for more current input.

You could be less gross and have a little more compassion. It's like you are relishing the kids' loneliness and the mothers' attempts to help them. Because I don't believe for one second that you don't know to say "Lara makes her own plans these days, have Eva contact her directly."

What? If your child is lonely, have your child spend time with a different child - the public middle and high schools around here are enormous, with literally thousands of students. What is "gross" about expecting parents of teens to let teens make their own plans? If a parent of a teen were to call me - what good would ever come of that? I can't force my child to do something they don't want to. i can't parent your child, nor can you parent mine. In my experience, if a teen does not want to hang around another teen, there is good reason. As a parent, you only have one side of the story - and I would be certain you are not calling about one child making their own plans. The purpose of your call would be to micromanage, which no parent I know would do, because it always backfires. Maybe you should be the one with more compassion. Be more socially astute, for your child's sake.

I have seen parents try to escalate matters, thinking they are "helping" their child, and it ends up terrible for their child. Think about it. No one wants to be associated with the troublemaking parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you know any parents who try to force their children to hang out with their kid? Specifically, by calling all the other parents and saying what they have to say (no matter how false or ridiculous) in order to make it happen? There is one parent who is fond of this practice, and I (one of the moms she calls, I think because she thinks we are "similar") am dreading what she has up her sleeve this year. She is controlling and well....a little crazy.....If I was smart, I wouldn't answer the phone at all when she calls! Has anyone come across this for high school aged (!!!) DCs? I feel like by that age, DC should be making their own social decisions, and she should not be forcing anything on anyone, her DC would be better off. Yes, this is as silly as it sounds. Anyone BTDT (a mom tried to rope you into drama and you successfully told her no thank you?)

I'm in the process of quitting DCUM, but you are just the kind of asshole that keeps dragging me back in. A poor mother whose child has probably been ostracized from play dates by a bitch like you has called asking you to give her kid another chance and you can demonstrate no mercy.

Just know life is long and karma really is a bitch.

Our cities streets are strewn with drug addicts and hookers who were once popular eight year olds. Enjoy your power today, because I promise you it will not last.

That escalated quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As teens? By MS my kids were setting up their own hang-outs, I wouldn't interfere.... Occasionally a friends parents will call me and ask if we can do something with their child because they are heading out late or are going out of town. But a regular hang-out? No way I'd get involved! If a parent called under regular circumstances, I'd say ease have your Larlo call my Larlo and see if/when he's available.

You are blessed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you pick up the phone, OP? Nobody can suck you into drama if you don't pick up that phone.

Because people like OP LOVE drama.

[Anonymous]

This thread is crazy AF, but in so many different directions it makes my head hurt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I generally don't view them as bullies, but I know what you mean. There have been a few moms over the years who have pressed hard for their kids to hang out with mine. In my experience, the pushy mom sees their child being excluded. Sometimes kids are being mean and excluding the pushy mom's kid. Sometimes the pushy mom's kid is a jackass and kids don't want to hang out with someone who is a jackass. Pushy moms do not always see their kids' jackassery clearly.

I have a teenager so I may handle pushy moms differently than a mom of elementary school age kids. My go to is to tell a pushy mom that my kid is a teen who makes her own social plans that are subject to our approval. I let her know that I will pass along the message that pushy mom's kid would be interested in hanging out, but make no promises that this will take place.

This is perfection!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I generally don't view them as bullies, but I know what you mean. There have been a few moms over the years who have pressed hard for their kids to hang out with mine. In my experience, the pushy mom sees their child being excluded. Sometimes kids are being mean and excluding the pushy mom's kid. Sometimes the pushy mom's kid is a jackass and kids don't want to hang out with someone who is a jackass. Pushy moms do not always see their kids' jackassery clearly.

I have a teenager so I may handle pushy moms differently than a mom of elementary school age kids. My go to is to tell a pushy mom that my kid is a teen who makes her own social plans that are subject to our approval. I let her know that I will pass along the message that pushy mom's kid would be interested in hanging out, but make no promises that this will take place.

This is perfection!

X1000

[Anonymous]

What I don't understand is the parents hell bent on some sort of "revenge" - as if they have a chip on their shoulder from something they perceived happened to them 25 years ago. Stop deflecting, and get on with it - and teach your child to do the same.

A parent bullying another parent will not end well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know any parents who try to force their children to hang out with their kid? Specifically, by calling all the other parents and saying what they have to say (no matter how false or ridiculous) in order to make it happen? There is one parent who is fond of this practice, and I (one of the moms she calls, I think because she thinks we are "similar") am dreading what she has up her sleeve this year. She is controlling and well....a little crazy.....If I was smart, I wouldn't answer the phone at all when she calls! Has anyone come across this for high school aged (!!!) DCs? I feel like by that age, DC should be making their own social decisions, and she should not be forcing anything on anyone, her DC would be better off. Yes, this is as silly as it sounds. Anyone BTDT (a mom tried to rope you into drama and you successfully told her no thank you?)

Op What grade are we talking? 9th, 10th, 11th? Also I find it interesting the OP never said The children in question were girls. OP are they girls or boys? I find it interesting people just assume the child was a she. Also OP maybe there are some bad kids in the grade and she wants to steer clear of them and assumes that your kid is not one of them. You should be flattered.