Is it rude to bring no gift to a birthday party that doesn’t say “no gifts”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look DCUM, how can you have a both ways? If it is rude to even mention gifts by putting no gifts because the host is supposed to have no expectation of gifts, then how could it be rude not to bring one...

Expectations for the host and the guest are different. Manners are social conventions and are not about logic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look DCUM, how can you have a both ways? If it is rude to even mention gifts by putting no gifts because the host is supposed to have no expectation of gifts, then how could it be rude not to bring one...

Expectations for the host and the guest are different. Manners are social conventions and are not about logic.

Oh my God. This is one of the best rationalizations and work arounds I have ever read. Such b*******, but good job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s cheap and a breach of etiquette.

Yes so go out and buy a cheap hunk of plastic.

[Anonymous]

The reason some people are confused is because they are missing a simple point of etiquette— you should always hold yourself to a higher standard than others. I’m serious. Example: I would consider it rude for me to show up empty handed at a party that didn’t mention gifts on the invite. Conversely, I’ve had people show up with no gift to my kid’s party that didn’t specify no gifts, and it was totally fine; I didn’t find it rude. Same with sending & receiving thank you notes, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading your title, you’re asking what is expected when an invitation doesn’t say anything about gifts. If it doesn’t, then you should bring something. It doesn’t need to be fancy or expensiive, but generally if it does NOT say “no gifts” then it’s odd to show up empty handed. It’s not “rude” exactly, but it would be odd.

Agree. If there is no wording, bring a gift.

If it says "no gift," then it's rude to bring a gift, because you should be respecting the host's wishes and not make other attendees look bad when they follow the no-gift guidance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reason some people are confused is because they are missing a simple point of etiquette— you should always hold yourself to a higher standard than others. I’m serious. Example: I would consider it rude for me to show up empty handed at a party that didn’t mention gifts on the invite. Conversely, I’ve had people show up with no gift to my kid’s party that didn’t specify no gifts, and it was totally fine; I didn’t find it rude. Same with sending & receiving thank you notes, etc.

+1 all day.

[Anonymous]

It is rude and strange to show up to a birthday party without a gift, where it isn't stated that it's in fact a no gift party. Who does that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. If the invitationsays no gifts then it is actually a bit rude to bring one.

+1

It's up to the host to set the terms of the party. Guests choose whether they want to attend the party. If you accept an invitation to a no-gift party, it should be with the understanding you won't bring a gift. If you bring one anyway, not only are you disrespecting your host, but you put the other attendees in an awkward position.

However, your child making a card for the birthday child is fine.

Sorry, I misread OP and missed the clarification.

If the invitation doesn't specify no gifts, it would be rude not to take a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is rude and strange to show up to a birthday party without a gift, where it isn't stated that it's in fact a no gift party. Who does that?

People do this all of the time. Every birthday party I have ever hosted, at least one person shows up without a gift. I DO NOT CARE. It is one less thing I have to deal with in my house.

I understand how it happens. More often than not, we leave 20-30 minutes early so we can stop at Target on the way. Or I end up stopping at the CVS on the corner for a gift card to the movies or something. I'm like the poster above - I do not ever show up to a child's party without a gift, but I don't care if our guests bring one.

[Anonymous]

I grew up learning and understanding that when you are the host, gifts are never an expectation- from birthdays, to housewarmings, to weddings. Invitations are not summonses, any more than they are invoices, and the point is that the guest is supposed to grace you with their presence and that is really the extent of their “responsibility”.

So no, it’s actually not rude to show up without a gift.

BUT, as a guest, I was also taught that you should reciprocate some of your host’s hard work and honor their celebration by bringing something for them. I always bring *something*, even for a dinner party, be it a bottle of wine (for the host, not to enjoy during the party), fresh cut flowers, etc.

So I’m weird, because my brain thinks of it both ways.

Now I know this is a birthday party question. The invitation really shouldn’t say anything about gifts in any case, but I also know it’s convention now to mention gifts. While it’s not rude to show up with no gift, it’s also not taking the hosts hard work and celebration into consideration. A small gift on one’s birthday is appropriate, party or not.

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP. I am not even going to read the other responses. If a an invitation says "no gifts" then it is rude to go against the host's explicit requests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason some people are confused is because they are missing a simple point of etiquette— you should always hold yourself to a higher standard than others. I’m serious. Example: I would consider it rude for me to show up empty handed at a party that didn’t mention gifts on the invite. Conversely, I’ve had people show up with no gift to my kid’s party that didn’t specify no gifts, and it was totally fine; I didn’t find it rude. Same with sending & receiving thank you notes, etc.

+1 all day.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

It's not rude, but I'm wondering why you wouldn't get a gift for a kid's birthday party. They get so much joy out of unwrapping a $5 set of silly string cans that I can't imagine not bringing something.

[Anonymous]

And on this topic, it IS rude to show up at the END of the party and then the parent hands the recently bought gift to th parent. It’s rude and super weird. You couldn’t get a gift BEFORE you dropped off your child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP. I am not even going to read the other responses. If a an invitation says "no gifts" then it is rude to go against the host's explicit requests.

Perhaps you should have read the thread title.