Is it rude to bring no gift to a birthday party that doesn’t say “no gifts”?

[Anonymous]

God I would love it if people didn't bring gifts to my DD's birthday party. I hate writing thank you notes and we're swimming in junk. Probably 75% of the parties we go to are no gifts parties and I'm starting to think it's rude the parties that aren't "no gifts" parties. But I have a toddler who isn't into gifts.

[Anonymous]

It is rude not to bring a gift the Point of birthdays is not all about gifts but if the hosts are throwing a party and providing food etc the least you could do is bring a gift also children look forward to the presents also it would be awkward for them and you probably to show up empty handed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is extremely rude in my home country. What about the US? I have seen it more than once.

How have you seen it? Sometimes we get an emailed gift card, present dropped off beforehand or afterwards because it is the type of gift that may make others feel bad or awkward. Just because the gift isn’t given in front of you doesn’t mean one wasn’t given.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is unusual but I would not be offended. The guests may have had an extremely busy week and not had a chance to pick something up. Or they may be going through a financial hardship. But they took the time to come celebrate with your child and that's what counts. While it's the norm for people to bring gifts, I also think it not good etiquette to expect a gift from guests.

+1
I wouldn't be offended if they didn't bring a gift - but yeah, I think it would be a little odd, esp if my kid notices. But there could be dozen reasons why they didn't, so no biggie. Their company is what counts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is extremely rude in my home country. What about the US? I have seen it more than once.

How have you seen it? Sometimes we get an emailed gift card, present dropped off beforehand or afterwards because it is the type of gift that may make others feel bad or awkward. Just because the gift isn’t given in front of you doesn’t mean one wasn’t given.

We told a girl’s mom to not worry about a gift because she’d recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and almost no one knew it yet.

MYOB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God I would love it if people didn't bring gifts to my DD's birthday party. I hate writing thank you notes and we're swimming in junk. Probably 75% of the parties we go to are no gifts parties and I'm starting to think it's rude the parties that aren't "no gifts" parties. But I have a toddler who isn't into gifts.

I realize you said you have a toddler, but I have older ES aged kids and I think learning to write thank you notes is one of the best parts of my kids’ friends bringing gifts to their birthday parties. My kids have been writing their own thank you notes since at least 1st grade if not K, and my 5th grader is now very good at it and can do them independently. It’s a good skill to learn and birthday presents are perfect and reinforce it as something for their own friends too and not just older relatives, etc. plus, kids love getting mail. One of my DD’s friends wrote a thank you note for the thank you note and now they’re writing letters back and forth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is unusual but I would not be offended. The guests may have had an extremely busy week and not had a chance to pick something up. Or they may be going through a financial hardship. But they took the time to come celebrate with your child and that's what counts. While it's the norm for people to bring gifts, I also think it not good etiquette to expect a gift from guests.

+1
I wouldn't be offended if they didn't bring a gift - but yeah, I think it would be a little odd, esp if my kid notices. But there could be dozen reasons why they didn't, so no biggie. Their company is what counts.

+2

I’d think it strange but would not be upset in any way. My kid probably would not even notice. I do not know people’s circumstances and appreciate their attending more than anything. It would not make me, say, not invite the kid again either- I definitely still would. So no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Technically, if the invitation doesn't say anything about gifts, you can do whatever you want. Traditionally, if it doesn't say anything about gifts, one is expected.

[Anonymous]

So many parties are no gift nowadays, it does feel annoying when occasionally people don't indicate no gift.

[Anonymous]

It's expected to bring a gift to a kid's birthday party unless it says no gifts. Having said that though, I think it's also expected that birthday parties are no gifts these days. So while it's a bit "rude" to not bring a gift to a birthday party unless indicated that it's okay, it's also a bit "rude" to invite/expect people to come to an event and buy you something. Honestly we try to avoid attending a 'gifts expected' party unless it's one of my kids' best friends. I don't need more stress.

[Anonymous]

If you receive an invitation and don’t reply, you are being rude.
If the invitation doesn’t mention anything about gifts, bring gifts.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they thought it was a no gift birthday party. I always have to double check invitations to make sure that I bought a gift when an invite doesn’t say no gifts, especially because most of the birthday parties we go to are no gift parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's expected to bring a gift to a kid's birthday party unless it says no gifts. Having said that though, I think it's also expected that birthday parties are no gifts these days. So while it's a bit "rude" to not bring a gift to a birthday party unless indicated that it's okay, it's also a bit "rude" to invite/expect people to come to an event and buy you something. Honestly we try to avoid attending a 'gifts expected' party unless it's one of my kids' best friends. I don't need more stress.

Excuse me?? That's a weird comment.
If it does not mention "no gift", then bring a gift. Why is that rude?
I even ask the Mom what the kid would like if kid or family is close to us; I want kid to get something they would like. I mean, the parents are spending hundreds of dollars on the party, what's the big deal with a $ 20 gift? And I am a single Mom of two kids, and do not have too much $$$$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I hosted the party, my son’s good friend from school didn’t bring a gift. The parent came to pick him up and no gift. My son doesn’t seem to care but for some weird reason I am offended.
Most probably because of my upbringing. I thought maybe it was more of a norm here? But I guess not!

did you read the other posts. Almost ALL of them say it is rude to host a party and expect a gift and it is rude to attend a birthday party without a gift (unless the instruction says so). Which means you are as rude as your son's friend's mom!

I vote for she has a lot going on and just couldn't squeeze one more thing in. I've shown up at a party with a really crappy, nicely wrapped coloring book because of a confluence of bad events. I am sure the very gracious, always kind mom didn't think twice about it.

OP isn’t rude for being privately offended/curious/puzzled by a guest not bringing a gift. Politeness/rudeness is about making others feel comfortable/uncomfortable...if OP doesn’t confront the guest in question, there’s no interaction that may make the guest uncomfortable. You can’t be rude inside your own head just for having thoughts!

[Anonymous]

It is just a way of thinking and culture. While it is rude for some countries not to for others it is not and if it is suggested by the host is because he or she knows who the guests are. It means, same level of confidence and habits.