Mom or wife first?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When does it come down to a head-to-head competition? If I were picking who to rescue from a burning building, it’d be the kids (and I’d expect him to do the same). But generally, family members get my time and attention in proportion to their maturity and their needs.

Same here. I would save my kids over my husband every time (and he had better do the same), but I need to also cultivate and nurture my marital relationship as well.

[Anonymous]

Some of you people don’t get it. It has nothing to do with “saving your kids first if they were hanging on a cliff”, it has to do with making time for the MARRIGE before anything else; essential kid needs aside.

Of course you’d SAVE the kids first. But my husbands and my FEELINGS come first. My kids are nurtured and we do fun things with them, but they are along for the ride until they are 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you people don’t get it. It has nothing to do with “saving your kids first if they were hanging on a cliff”, it has to do with making time for the MARRIGE before anything else; essential kid needs aside.

Of course you’d SAVE the kids first. But my husbands and my FEELINGS come first. My kids are nurtured and we do fun things with them, but they are along for the ride until they are 18.

Why are you surprised? Read the relationship threads here.

[Anonymous]

Relationship wise, my commitment it to my husband first.

Immediate emergency with young children, yes we prioritize the children first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Relationship wise, my commitment it to my husband first.

Immediate emergency with young children, yes we prioritize the children first.

Same. We actually discussed this. In dire situations we'd save the kids first before anyone else.

But in the long term, H comes first.

[Anonymous]

You all are saying this is a stupid question. But in real life and on DCUM I see so many women who prioritize their kids over everything. They go sleep in the guest room with their kids instead of sleeping in their bed with their husband. They won't leave their kids for date nights with their husband. They eat dinner with the kids and leave the DH out. Some of this of course is DHs who act like a$$holes, but lot of it just comes with never thinking about their spouse and only thinking about kids.

[Anonymous]

1. Kids
2. Spouse
3. Parents
4. Extended family

The reason why kids are over spouse is because of the risk of abuse. You need to protect your kids first and foremost. I’ve seen people prioritize spouse over kids in an abusive relationship and the children were not protected. That is never ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Kids
2. Spouse
3. Parents
4. Extended family

The reason why kids are over spouse is because of the risk of abuse. You need to protect your kids first and foremost. I’ve seen people prioritize spouse over kids in an abusive relationship and the children were not protected. That is never ok.

Omg. Obviously if your spouse is abusive, you protect yourself and your kids. But you don’t kick your husband out of the marital bed because “he could potentially be abusive towards the kids one day.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all are saying this is a stupid question. But in real life and on DCUM I see so many women who prioritize their kids over everything. They go sleep in the guest room with their kids instead of sleeping in their bed with their husband. They won't leave their kids for date nights with their husband. They eat dinner with the kids and leave the DH out. Some of this of course is DHs who act like a$$holes, but lot of it just comes with never thinking about their spouse and only thinking about kids.

Yup. Usually these same women are canonized by the church of DCUM as St Cheated-Upon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse, then kids, assuming your kids’ basic needs are being met.

For example, you don’t kick your spouse out of your bed because your kids “need” to cosleep, but you don’t skip medical care, and make your kids wear used shoes from the Salvation Army so that your husband can get his pilot’s license.

I like your examples.

[Anonymous]

Don't understand the question. We are both parents with a mutual responsibility to our kids which is a touchstone of of our marriage. There should never be a moment when either of us would have to make such a choice because we would be in agreement about the needs of the kids, and if the kids needs aren't met then our marriage is suffering too. It is all one thing, a family, not a bunch of individuals standing in line according to height.

[Anonymous]

If you choose kids over spouse, eventually you'll get divorced and then kids will suffer. Therefore, in prioritizing marriage, you are actually also prioritizing kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spouse, then kids, assuming your kids’ basic needs are being met.

For example, you don’t kick your spouse out of your bed because your kids “need” to cosleep, but you don’t skip medical care, and make your kids wear used shoes from the Salvation Army so that your husband can get his pilot’s license.

I like your examples.

True life examples from my IL’s marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you choose kids over spouse, eventually you'll get divorced and then kids will suffer. Therefore, in prioritizing marriage, you are actually also prioritizing kids.

+1. Also, the more love I show DH, the happier he is with our home and family. Same for when he's showing me love and when our marriage isn't stressed or fighting- I feel like a better mother and have more to give back to my kids. Kids love to see DH and I laughing together, hugging and spending time together too. Even my 1 year old comes up and hugs the two of us when she sees us hug. It's a healthier environment for kids when we put our marriage first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spouse, then kids, assuming your kids’ basic needs are being met.

For example, you don’t kick your spouse out of your bed because your kids “need” to cosleep, but you don’t skip medical care, and make your kids wear used shoes from the Salvation Army so that your husband can get his pilot’s license.

I like your examples.

True life examples from my IL’s marriage.

Eeeek!