So Tired of Negotiating Everything
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Anonymous
Jared also liked half-size sandwiches...... |
Anonymous
| We always get a 12 inch each. |
Anonymous
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OP, I am so sorry. I am going to say a few things. 1. You are ALLOWED to have a preference. You're allowed to have an opinion. You're allowed to like turkey over ham.
My mother doesn't eat turkey, so for turkey-holidays, she always buys a small ham or has some ham for herself. She's allowed. I was in an emotionally abusive marriage, and these kind of interactions were used to emotionally abuse me, even though it took me years to see it. They served to undercut my feelings and undermine my trust in myself. In my story, when I fought back (saying no, holding the line, defending my feelings/opinion/self), it escalated the situation. You being left confused and frustrated, while giving in, right now is saving you. When I became sure of myself, sure of my opinions, sure of what I liked and what I wanted, he came at me hard. I do hope what you're dealing with is not what I've dealt with, but I just want to share my story so you can take a long hard look at the whole picture. Good luck. |
Anonymous
You sound like you could use a footlong. It’s pribably been awhile for you. |
Anonymous
The six inch is not satisfying unless you get double meat. |
Anonymous
I luc you. |
Anonymous
Love |
Anonymous
I was going to say how can he only eat six inches of sub? |
Anonymous
| How cheap is your husband? This is so passive aggressive. |
Anonymous
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OP, is there is a big issue in your marriage that creating a power issue? Like one of you makes or has a lot more money than the other, or has more education or comes from a more well-off family?
If no, then did one or both of you come from controlling families? I had somewhat controlling parents and I realize that some times I'll try to talk someone out of something they want because it's not something I would do, and I then I realize that wanting X is really not a big deal and that they are allowed to "want" what they want. |
Anonymous
This. I was going to say to throw out there than you are getting the Turkey sandwich and if he was getting the same you could split but given your DH, a straight no thank you would be better. Probably the closest thing is is I prefer soda from the can rather than. 2-liter bottle unless it’s a fresh 2 liter bottle. DH will say, don’t you know the 2 liter cost x and the cans cost y (he does the grocery shopping). I said that we both work and make good salaries, we can afford the difference in price. I feel like I work hard and make good money. I will compromise on a lot but I don’t want to freeze in my home, have one ply toilet paper, or soda that’s lost it’s fizz. So I’m not negotiating on those things. |
Anonymous
| Girl, I could have written this down to the 10 tears of marriage and three kids! My DH is controlling and cheap and nit picky as well. He is a physician in a field where those traits are beneficial. I deal with it by either dividing and conquering (I.e, he goes to Whole Foods for produce and I go to wegmans for the rest of the stuff) or insisting on not sharing with him and getting my own thing. In the past week he has gotten one huge coffee for us to share - I said no way and got myself my own cup. He picked spoiled lettuce out of the garbage and told me it wasn’t spoiled. He took 1.5 hours for grocery shopping a list of 15 things. I’ve accepted that this is who he is and he’s not going to change. I only ask him questions that I can handle a debate about. I love him but marriage is like death by a thousand paper cuts! |
Anonymous
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The sandwich thing sounds bad but the pasta thing - don’t go to the grocery store together! That sounds like a nightmare. If it happens for some reason we split up and meet at checkout.
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Anonymous
| I wish I'd learned decades ago to just go ahead and make the decisions for him. It's an anxiety thing to continually question your options and second-guess choices. I think we as women are conditioned to be easygoing, defer, etc., and what my husband really needed all along was someone to have a backbone when he gets this way. I no longer involve him in decisions that would bring on the analysis paralysis (obviously excluding things like buying houses) and if he has a problem with a choice I've made he deals with it. |
Anonymous
| I understand, OP. DH has an opinion about everything. Everything. It’s exhausting. |