If you are only comfortable having sex in an exclusive relationship.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean, that hasn't worked?

I mean, we dated for a while, fooled around heavily, and they were pushing me to have sex with them. When I told them that if I slept with them I would want us to be exclusive and in a relationship (not just going on dates and having sex a few times a month), they bailed.

Op here. More details as summary above isn't quite accurate.

I said I needed it to be exclusive fairly early on. We went on more dates after that, went pretty far physically. But they never agreed to be exclusive but kept trying to get me to sleep with them. When I restated that I needed exclusivity and a relationship, not just casual dating, they bailed within a week.

This has happened with three men. Before these men, I've been in six relationships with men with whom I had sex. All those men actually were the ones who raised exclusivity and the relationship just sort of developed. Now I feel like all the men I am meeting just want to sleep with me right away, don't want exclusivity, want to keep things very casual, and are very entitled to sleep with me despite any sort of commitment.

NP here. You're doing it right, you just haven't met the right men.

Op here. Thanks. I hope that's the case. Part of me is wondering, do I just need to start sleeping with men earlier and without exclusivity and hope it leads to a relationship? But I just don't feel comfortable doing that, either from a health or emotional perspective.

No. The ones who are interested in an exclusive relationship with you won't be put off by your requirements. Get a copy of Mars and Venus on a Date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean, that hasn't worked?

I mean, we dated for a while, fooled around heavily, and they were pushing me to have sex with them. When I told them that if I slept with them I would want us to be exclusive and in a relationship (not just going on dates and having sex a few times a month), they bailed.

Op here. More details as summary above isn't quite accurate.

I said I needed it to be exclusive fairly early on. We went on more dates after that, went pretty far physically. But they never agreed to be exclusive but kept trying to get me to sleep with them. When I restated that I needed exclusivity and a relationship, not just casual dating, they bailed within a week.

This has happened with three men. Before these men, I've been in six relationships with men with whom I had sex. All those men actually were the ones who raised exclusivity and the relationship just sort of developed. Now I feel like all the men I am meeting just want to sleep with me right away, don't want exclusivity, want to keep things very casual, and are very entitled to sleep with me despite any sort of commitment.

NP here. You're doing it right, you just haven't met the right men.

Op here. Thanks. I hope that's the case. Part of me is wondering, do I just need to start sleeping with men earlier and without exclusivity and hope it leads to a relationship? But I just don't feel comfortable doing that, either from a health or emotional perspective.

No. You said you are not comfortable having non-exclusive sex. Stick to your guns.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely keep trying your approach. You will find a man who appreciates it.

[Anonymous]

Read "the wait"

https://www.amazon.com/Wait-Powerful-Practice-Finding-Love-ebook/dp/B00P42WOJY/

Your process of dating is working perfectly. You are weeding the losers out early.

[Anonymous]

Plus, you are giving them the gift of a high libodo. Don't waste your gift on just any man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean, that hasn't worked?

I mean, we dated for a while, fooled around heavily, and they were pushing me to have sex with them. When I told them that if I slept with them I would want us to be exclusive and in a relationship (not just going on dates and having sex a few times a month), they bailed.

Op here. More details as summary above isn't quite accurate.

I said I needed it to be exclusive fairly early on. We went on more dates after that, went pretty far physically. But they never agreed to be exclusive but kept trying to get me to sleep with them. When I restated that I needed exclusivity and a relationship, not just casual dating, they bailed within a week.

This has happened with three men. Before these men, I've been in six relationships with men with whom I had sex. All those men actually were the ones who raised exclusivity and the relationship just sort of developed. Now I feel like all the men I am meeting just want to sleep with me right away, don't want exclusivity, want to keep things very casual, and are very entitled to sleep with me despite any sort of commitment.

NP here. You're doing it right, you just haven't met the right men.

Op here. Thanks. I hope that's the case. Part of me is wondering, do I just need to start sleeping with men earlier and without exclusivity and hope it leads to a relationship? But I just don't feel comfortable doing that, either from a health or emotional perspective.

No. You said you are not comfortable having non-exclusive sex. Stick to your guns.

Yep. I’m also not comfortable having sex outside an exclusive relationship, and that means I won’t date the men that aren’t ok with that. I have to be really comfortable with someone for the sex to be good, and that takes time for me. The men who don’t like that are welcome to look elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Your fooling around hot and heavy. But no banging.
I’d move on too. Who needs that. Your 40? Not 19.

Own it. If you like sex then enjoy it. Use protection.
See where it goes.

Who wants to fool around and fool around and fool around and not know if the race car really purrs.

Sorry the split but you can only go on so many dates with out seeing if you connect in bed. Especially as you get older.

[Anonymous]

Some people - men and women want to explore sexual compatibility before becoming exclusive.

Exclusive in the context of only in a relationship could make it seem like they need to commit to a serious relationship before you will have sex with them.

That is fine if that is your line but there are many men who aren't looking for the same. No one is right or wrong - you just have to find someone who views sex or accepts sex within the same boundaries as you have.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I wish I didn't feel this way but I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean, that hasn't worked?

I mean, we dated for a while, fooled around heavily, and they were pushing me to have sex with them. When I told them that if I slept with them I would want us to be exclusive and in a relationship (not just going on dates and having sex a few times a month), they bailed.

Op here. More details as summary above isn't quite accurate.

I said I needed it to be exclusive fairly early on. We went on more dates after that, went pretty far physically. But they never agreed to be exclusive but kept trying to get me to sleep with them. When I restated that I needed exclusivity and a relationship, not just casual dating, they bailed within a week.

This has happened with three men. Before these men, I've been in six relationships with men with whom I had sex. All those men actually were the ones who raised exclusivity and the relationship just sort of developed. Now I feel like all the men I am meeting just want to sleep with me right away, don't want exclusivity, want to keep things very casual, and are very entitled to sleep with me despite any sort of commitment.

np; and I'm afraid this is the Tinder effect. We have become disposable. (I'm divorced and dating too - it sucks.)

[Anonymous]

Not to be harsh, but maybe the reason that the last few guys bailed after a week was because they didn't think the sex had been worth the long wait. When your 40 years old and you hold back that much, you raise expectations. You can do it your way, but think about it -- if guys agree to be exclusive and then bail in a week, what did you really gain by following this policy? You should have sex when you are ready and maybe that means you will be exclusive, but to expect your partner to do the same -- well, why don't we just abolish all pre-marital sex. Its a slippery slope -- and your not far from it.

[Anonymous]

I was dating after divorce around age 40. I'm a high libido woman and wasn't looking for a serious relationship in terms of insisting on a specific outcome or longterm--but I did demand exclusivity. I didn't find it extremely difficult to find educated men I found attractive who were in a similar boat. I was very upfront about my requirements when I was interested in someone, didn't accept less. If someone didn't want the same thing, I wished them well and moved on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean, that hasn't worked?

I mean, we dated for a while, fooled around heavily, and they were pushing me to have sex with them. When I told them that if I slept with them I would want us to be exclusive and in a relationship (not just going on dates and having sex a few times a month), they bailed.

Op here. More details as summary above isn't quite accurate.

I said I needed it to be exclusive fairly early on. We went on more dates after that, went pretty far physically. But they never agreed to be exclusive but kept trying to get me to sleep with them. When I restated that I needed exclusivity and a relationship, not just casual dating, they bailed within a week.

This has happened with three men. Before these men, I've been in six relationships with men with whom I had sex. All those men actually were the ones who raised exclusivity and the relationship just sort of developed. Now I feel like all the men I am meeting just want to sleep with me right away, don't want exclusivity, want to keep things very casual, and are very entitled to sleep with me despite any sort of commitment.

NP here. You're doing it right, you just haven't met the right men.

Op here. Thanks. I hope that's the case. Part of me is wondering, do I just need to start sleeping with men earlier and without exclusivity and hope it leads to a relationship? But I just don't feel comfortable doing that, either from a health or emotional perspective.

OP, I'm 34 with a similar philosophy. Let those guys get sex elsewhere and keep searching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to be harsh, but maybe the reason that the last few guys bailed after a week was because they didn't think the sex had been worth the long wait. When your 40 years old and you hold back that much, you raise expectations. You can do it your way, but think about it -- if guys agree to be exclusive and then bail in a week, what did you really gain by following this policy? You should have sex when you are ready and maybe that means you will be exclusive, but to expect your partner to do the same -- well, why don't we just abolish all pre-marital sex. Its a slippery slope -- and your not far from it.

You can't read or write (it's "you're").Go back to the OP and try again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to be harsh, but maybe the reason that the last few guys bailed after a week was because they didn't think the sex had been worth the long wait. When your 40 years old and you hold back that much, you raise expectations. You can do it your way, but think about it -- if guys agree to be exclusive and then bail in a week, what did you really gain by following this policy? You should have sex when you are ready and maybe that means you will be exclusive, but to expect your partner to do the same -- well, why don't we just abolish all pre-marital sex. Its a slippery slope -- and your not far from it.

Women just don't want to feel taken advantage of. They don't want to feel that a guy was only in it for the sex. Requesting exclusivity means a commitment on some level that the relationship has legs and is moving forward. There are never any guarantees and either person can always bail but exclusivity offers some security.