Stay after spouse cheats

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read chumplady. Do not stay. You deserve better.

Really? she’s got a reliable room mate who doesn’t “pressure her” to have sex. Most women would be envious of that deal. How can she possibly do any better?

You are an ass! You make it sound like I bring nothing to the equation. I’m a successful professional woman and a great mother to my children. My husband and I have a great intellectual (and I thought emotional) connection. We have fun together. And until recently (when I assume he started seeing the other person), we enjoyed each ither’s company and had lots of fun together. I love him and have supported him through many really tough emotional times. He is more than a roommate and I have given him a lot and sacrificed a lot for him and his career, all the while finding a way to make mine work too. A real relationship (maybe you have never had one) is about more than sex, although I admit I fell down in the sex part.

I share the same bond with my co workers.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is a dick.

[Anonymous]

If I was having frequent sex with my spouse and he cheated I'd kick him out. If I chose not to have frequent sex and he cheated I'd have to look in the mirror and ask where am I and where am I going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is a dick.

Says the sexless marriage martyr wife (desperately unhappy of course)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read chumplady. Do not stay. You deserve better.

Really? she’s got a reliable room mate who doesn’t “pressure her” to have sex. Most women would be envious of that deal. How can she possibly do any better?

You are an ass! You make it sound like I bring nothing to the equation. I’m a successful professional woman and a great mother to my children. My husband and I have a great intellectual (and I thought emotional) connection. We have fun together. And until recently (when I assume he started seeing the other person), we enjoyed each ither’s company and had lots of fun together. I love him and have supported him through many really tough emotional times. He is more than a roommate and I have given him a lot and sacrificed a lot for him and his career, all the while finding a way to make mine work too. A real relationship (maybe you have never had one) is about more than sex, although I admit I fell down in the sex part.

Ignore the open marriage poster, who blames the woman all the time.

[Anonymous]

Wait. Wait. OP here. If he is so unhappy with the frequency of SEC that he wants to cheat, shouldn’t he mention it first? Like, hey, Sex life is not what i’m Looking for, let’s work on it? TBH, the last couple of times we had sex, he seemed to not to be into it (already cheating, I would guess).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read chumplady. Do not stay. You deserve better.

Really? she’s got a reliable room mate who doesn’t “pressure her” to have sex. Most women would be envious of that deal. How can she possibly do any better?

You are an ass! You make it sound like I bring nothing to the equation. I’m a successful professional woman and a great mother to my children. My husband and I have a great intellectual (and I thought emotional) connection. We have fun together. And until recently (when I assume he started seeing the other person), we enjoyed each ither’s company and had lots of fun together. I love him and have supported him through many really tough emotional times. He is more than a roommate and I have given him a lot and sacrificed a lot for him and his career, all the while finding a way to make mine work too. A real relationship (maybe you have never had one) is about more than sex, although I admit I fell down in the sex part.

Ignore the open marriage poster, who blames the woman all the time.

Yeah it seems like he cheated and his wife left (the nerve). He can't get over it, poor guy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait. Wait. OP here. If he is so unhappy with the frequency of SEC that he wants to cheat, shouldn’t he mention it first? Like, hey, Sex life is not what i’m Looking for, let’s work on it? TBH, the last couple of times we had sex, he seemed to not to be into it (already cheating, I would guess).

Obviously, sex not SEC. Thanks guess you can see which I write more about. ?k

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait. Wait. OP here. If he is so unhappy with the frequency of SEC that he wants to cheat, shouldn’t he mention it first? Like, hey, Sex life is not what i’m Looking for, let’s work on it? TBH, the last couple of times we had sex, he seemed to not to be into it (already cheating, I would guess).

Yes, he probably should have mentioned losing interest in monogamy. Just like you should have mentioned losing all interest in sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait. Wait. OP here. If he is so unhappy with the frequency of SEC that he wants to cheat, shouldn’t he mention it first? Like, hey, Sex life is not what i’m Looking for, let’s work on it? TBH, the last couple of times we had sex, he seemed to not to be into it (already cheating, I would guess).

Yes, op. Obviously. Ignore the idiot posters and use common sense. Making decisions about someone else's health and obstructing their agency is just freaking wrong. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait. Wait. OP here. If he is so unhappy with the frequency of SEC that he wants to cheat, shouldn’t he mention it first? Like, hey, Sex life is not what i’m Looking for, let’s work on it? TBH, the last couple of times we had sex, he seemed to not to be into it (already cheating, I would guess).

It depends, and I’ll repeat an earlier poster’s question that you didn’t answer. How often have you been having sex with your husband? I think most men would talk about it if it’s fallen just a little off the pace, but if you clearly have no interest, act like it’s a chore, or it occurs infrequently to never, and some cute thing comes along who actually WANTS to have sex with him, he might fast forward right through the discussion part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is a dick.

Says the sexless marriage martyr wife (desperately unhappy of course)

Nope. I just know the guy. Thanks for playing though.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like OP has been cheating too. She keeps hinting at that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I was having frequent sex with my spouse and he cheated I'd kick him out. If I chose not to have frequent sex and he cheated I'd have to look in the mirror and ask where am I and where am I going.

Sure you would.

What is with the influx of posters blaming the non-cheating spouse? It's always been a thing on DCUM but it's insane lately. Did you all miss the day in preschool when you were taught two wrongs don't make a right? I don't really care that your spouse isn't having sex with you (or whatever your excuse), that does not give you a free pass. It gives you the right to talk to them about it, or ask for an open marriage, or pursue a separation, but you do not get to unilaterally decide you're going to have sex with another person. And please, please stop lying to yourselves that your spouse is gleefully withholding sex as a hobby to torture you, and that they don't have a reason. You can't really be that stupid.

[Anonymous]

It takes two to make a marriage work. Both are to blame, as you said, OP, and now it's your job to find out what both of you want. You have as much work to do to weigh your options as he does to weigh his. You're at the fork in the road, and one road leads back to where you were, but also into the unknown, the other is the road not taken.