vent: irresponsible, bad parents now flailing

[Anonymous]

OP, so who's guilt-tripping you, your parents or other relatives? In any case, tell them to go away. You must be an enormously better person than me, because I'd have no problem to tell them to f... off.

[Anonymous]

You would be enabling them to stay in a situation that is not sustainable. If you gave them a check today, they would only need another one tomorrow....constant bail out mode.

They need to find a way to float.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My good income has nothing to do with "blessing." I worked hard to get where I am.

Just perfect the phrase, "No, I'm not in a position to do that."

Lots of people work hard and still don't have a good income. It is still a blessing to have one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay firm. If you send a check they'll take an inch and go for a mile later. It won't end.

This. Don’t feel guilty OP. I’ve been there and had to say no myself. Take care of you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My good income has nothing to do with "blessing." I worked hard to get where I am.

Just perfect the phrase, "No, I'm not in a position to do that."

Lots of people work hard and still don't have a good income. It is still a blessing to have one.

People tend to forget that and attribute achievements to themselves and failing to others, like parents, stepparents, exes, siblings, you name it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My good income has nothing to do with "blessing." I worked hard to get where I am.

Just perfect the phrase, "No, I'm not in a position to do that."

Lots of people work hard and still don't have a good income. It is still a blessing to have one.

So true. Just because someone doesn't have a "good income" doesn't mean they don't work hard. Most of the hardest working people in the world make very little. High incomes are as much luck and being in the right place at the right time as they are hard work.

That said, OP, please don't feel guilty by not bailing out your parents. They did not feel guilty cutting you off at 18, when you were still figuring out how to live like an adult. They should have been nicer to you if they wanted help in their old age. Tell them to ask your siblings for help. (And I say this as someone who moved out at 18 and had very little parental help/support, but probably more than you had.)

[Anonymous]

My aunt and uncle did this to themselves. Turned to their children, other relatives, friends to bail them out. Over and over again.

Eventually, they declared bankruptcy to try to have a clean start. They still struggled to live within a budget and mooched off everyone.

Their sons gave them some support but never in the form of cash; paid their phone bills; grocery store gift cards (not Target or Walmart where things other than food could be bought).

it is tough but you cannot let them pull you under.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but don't throw good money after bad! If they want help (as opposed to continuous, unlimited $$) offer to sit down with them and your financial planner (neutral 3rd party who can be realistic with them about what you can and can't do while maintaining your goals, in case they don't believe it coming from you) who can help you make a plan all of you can live with.

If they are unwilling: say no! Set boundaries with your family and their friends who are badgering you. Don't accept the guilt. Have a firm and friendly response that you repeat over and over: thanks for your suggestion, I will take that u see advisement. Then do what you need to do for your sanity.

Been their, done that. My SIL thinks the $$ from us comes from a faucet she can turn on whenever she "needs" money she doesn't have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They suck. And anyone who tries to guilt-trip you should get an earful about how your parents treated you. They made bad choices and didn’t create a relationship with you that would now entitle them to make emotional and financial demands. You need to focus on yourself, your spouse if you have one, and your child.

Be neutral and stick to facts, otherwise it makes you look vindictive. I have a mother who when upset likes to criticize me to all and sundry, so I know the art of seeming to be above the fray while simultaneously fact-checking.

[Anonymous]

Say no and don't feel guilty.

[Anonymous]

Are the younger siblings biological to both of them - hence why they are favored?

Why not ask them to pitch in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are the younger siblings biological to both of them - hence why they are favored?

Why not ask them to pitch in?

That's basically the situation. Unbelievably, some of them have actually been getting money/cosigned loans from my parents even up to a few months ago ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but don't throw good money after bad! If they want help (as opposed to continuous, unlimited $$) offer to sit down with them and your financial planner (neutral 3rd party who can be realistic with them about what you can and can't do while maintaining your goals, in case they don't believe it coming from you) who can help you make a plan all of you can live with.

If they are unwilling: say no! Set boundaries with your family and their friends who are badgering you. Don't accept the guilt. Have a firm and friendly response that you repeat over and over: thanks for your suggestion, I will take that u see advisement. Then do what you need to do for your sanity.

Been their, done that. My SIL thinks the $$ from us comes from a faucet she can turn on whenever she "needs" money she doesn't have.

You would advise Op to sit down with her parents in front of a financial planner and lay down all of her assets/debts/payments....in order to assure her parents that she is doing everything she can reasonably afford to do to keep them in the lifestyle that they have grown accustomed to?

I'm sorry, but that is insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but don't throw good money after bad! If they want help (as opposed to continuous, unlimited $$) offer to sit down with them and your financial planner (neutral 3rd party who can be realistic with them about what you can and can't do while maintaining your goals, in case they don't believe it coming from you) who can help you make a plan all of you can live with.

If they are unwilling: say no! Set boundaries with your family and their friends who are badgering you. Don't accept the guilt. Have a firm and friendly response that you repeat over and over: thanks for your suggestion, I will take that u see advisement. Then do what you need to do for your sanity.

Been their, done that. My SIL thinks the $$ from us comes from a faucet she can turn on whenever she "needs" money she doesn't have.

You would advise Op to sit down with her parents in front of a financial planner and lay down all of her assets/debts/payments....in order to assure her parents that she is doing everything she can reasonably afford to do to keep them in the lifestyle that they have grown accustomed to?

I'm sorry, but that is insane.

This.

No good can come from them knowing how much money exactly they can mooch from her. If they go to a financial adviser it needs to be by themselves because being irresponsible with money is their problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the younger siblings biological to both of them - hence why they are favored?

Why not ask them to pitch in?

That's basically the situation. Unbelievably, some of them have actually been getting money/cosigned loans from my parents even up to a few months ago ...

So basically they want you to support your seemingly able bodied half siblings? Hell no.