How important is a woman's career to finding a mate?

[Anonymous]

It depends. When I was a pretty, fun, outgoing 20 something, men didn't care that I didnt make much money. They weren't thinking with their big head.

Now that I'm in my 30s and married, my lack of work history is a huge problem in my marriage. I'm

[Anonymous]

My 3 friends with the best husbands/marriages are a nanny, a teacher, and a SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends. When I was a pretty, fun, outgoing 20 something, men didn't care that I didnt make much money. They weren't thinking with their big head.

Now that I'm in my 30s and married, my lack of work history is a huge problem in my marriage. I'm

Accidentally hit submit. It's a huge problem in my marriage and my DH has little respect for me because my career before marriage/kids didn't make much my D.C. Standards, and then I became a SAHM which he said he was okay with initially, but now it causes a lot of arguments. So I'm working on getting a career started back up.

I could get away with it when I was hot and young, but now I'm under no illusion that men would put up with it. The only men I know who would have major issues going on (abusive, addiction, etc) so they like having someone with few options. I think for initial attraction job/money play little role- men just want someone who looks nice. But for a relationship, they want a functioning adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Piggybacking off the thread about the woman who doesn't respect her husband because of the work he does I was wondering how important is this for most mean because it was really important to my ex-husband.
I was married right out of college and since my spouse made good money and I graduated with useless degree I stayed home or did temp work to fill my time. We didn't have any children. Soon after my husband was making me feel guilty about staying at home since we didn't have kids and started pressuring me to work a full-time. He was growing resentful and I was sick of him being a jerk. Long story short, I divorced him, went to graduate school and today I have great career and I make more money than I ever thought I would. I work long hours 6 days a week most weeks. I I always thought if I made good money I would be more attractive to a potential spouse, but I'm not finding that to be the case. How important is it to a man what his potential wife does for a living?

It's important because what you do is a) part of who you are, and b) part of your overall package, just like your looks, your money, your education, your background etc. This is as seen through the eyes of your potential mate. The second part of why it is important is that it makes money and puts you in touch with the class of eligible men you would not otherwise meet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. When I was a pretty, fun, outgoing 20 something, men didn't care that I didnt make much money. They weren't thinking with their big head.

Now that I'm in my 30s and married, my lack of work history is a huge problem in my marriage. I'm

Accidentally hit submit. It's a huge problem in my marriage and my DH has little respect for me because my career before marriage/kids didn't make much my D.C. Standards, and then I became a SAHM which he said he was okay with initially, but now it causes a lot of arguments. So I'm working on getting a career started back up.

I could get away with it when I was hot and young, but now I'm under no illusion that men would put up with it. The only men I know who would have major issues going on (abusive, addiction, etc) so they like having someone with few options. I think for initial attraction job/money play little role- men just want someone who looks nice. But for a relationship, they want a functioning adult.

Yup. The guys answering this are picturing a hot 24 year old and essentially saying "don't worry your pretty little head, just keep it tight and I'll keep the lights on." Even if that were OP's situation (it's not), that shit fades and you're left with an average Jane with no work history. There's a difference between 'wouldn't stop me from banging' and 'not an issue at all.'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. When I was a pretty, fun, outgoing 20 something, men didn't care that I didnt make much money. They weren't thinking with their big head.

Now that I'm in my 30s and married, my lack of work history is a huge problem in my marriage. I'm

Accidentally hit submit. It's a huge problem in my marriage and my DH has little respect for me because my career before marriage/kids didn't make much my D.C. Standards, and then I became a SAHM which he said he was okay with initially, but now it causes a lot of arguments. So I'm working on getting a career started back up.

I could get away with it when I was hot and young, but now I'm under no illusion that men would put up with it. The only men I know who would have major issues going on (abusive, addiction, etc) so they like having someone with few options. I think for initial attraction job/money play little role- men just want someone who looks nice. But for a relationship, they want a functioning adult.

Yup. The guys answering this are picturing a hot 24 year old and essentially saying "don't worry your pretty little head, just keep it tight and I'll keep the lights on." Even if that were OP's situation (it's not), that shit fades and you're left with an average Jane with no work history. There's a difference between 'wouldn't stop me from banging' and 'not an issue at all.'

I think you're both being dishonest. An unambiguous woman is a problem. A stay at home mom who plans on living off someone else now that she is a divorced empty nester is a problem. But a cute divorcee who is working very hard, and who wants me around, is a prize. She could be doing anything at work, except being a sex worker or a Trump White House aide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I get it. I didn't expect to not work, but like I said I had useless degree and the only jobs I could get were for temp admin. assistant work. It's not because I didn't want to work. I felt really bad about myself because I wasn't qualified for better jobs and instead of being encouraged to go back to school, I was made to feel like I was useless. That's why he's jerk.

A string of temp jobs can lead to a full-time job--it gives you experience that makes you more qualified. And why was it on your husband to tell you to get more education or job training? I mean, yeah for you that you got a degree and a better career, but you could have done that while you were married to him, too. It sounds like you weren't very motivated while you were married, because you had someone supporting you. When you had to pay your own bills, you were suddenly motivated.

Some men are really into having a SAH wife, as a status symbol or an indication of their ability to provide. But a lot of men want a partner who is contributing financially. They might not care exactly how you do that, but it does matter. Just as some women really want a rich husband, and others just want someone who's carrying their weight.

[Anonymous]

I don't really care WHAT the career is, as long as she has a career. Free loaders are not attractive.

[Anonymous]

Many of the women I know with "big jobs" are married. Many of the women I know who are barely employed are married. So I'm not sure how much it actually matters. I think what matters is that you find someone who is on the same page as you about what he expects you to bring to the table. Some guys are happy making more/all of the money. Some want an equal partner.

That said, it can be hard to find a mate at all if you are working all the time. The times of my life when I was working the most hours were also the times I wasn't really able to maintain a relationship. And if you're traveling all the time for work, that makes it even harder, because then you're trying to cram in everything in the small periods when you're home. Something has to give, and that something is often relationships.

[Anonymous]

Many men don't care what you do as long as you are contributing constructively to the household. So a SAH mother who is caring for the children and home is constructive. A SAH wife who is only working part-time especially if you are outsourcing some of the work such as housecleaning, yard service, paying for grocery delivery, etc is not constructive and is frustrating to a spouse. I've known a few friend-couples who had this problem. The husband made a good living and income, and the wife made no real effort to work or take care of the house, didn't pursue more training/college to be more qualified. Those wives are now ex-wives. Conversely I've known couples who had similar situations where the wife took household management seriously, kept a well run home, meals provides, house clean, home stocked and did a combination of part time and volunteer work that kept them busy and constructive and are still married. So, it really isn't the income or career that matters, but that the partner isn't just living easy and taking a free ride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't really care WHAT the career is, as long as she has a career. Free loaders are not attractive.

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Some men are really into having a SAH wife, as a status symbol or an indication of their ability to provide.

And some couples jointly decide that what is best is that mom stays home. Not status, more her decision.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the man. It's important to my husband, but he also is a true partner at home. That's just our dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. When I was a pretty, fun, outgoing 20 something, men didn't care that I didnt make much money. They weren't thinking with their big head.

Now that I'm in my 30s and married, my lack of work history is a huge problem in my marriage. I'm

Accidentally hit submit. It's a huge problem in my marriage and my DH has little respect for me because my career before marriage/kids didn't make much my D.C. Standards, and then I became a SAHM which he said he was okay with initially, but now it causes a lot of arguments. So I'm working on getting a career started back up.

I could get away with it when I was hot and young, but now I'm under no illusion that men would put up with it. The only men I know who would have major issues going on (abusive, addiction, etc) so they like having someone with few options. I think for initial attraction job/money play little role- men just want someone who looks nice. But for a relationship, they want a functioning adult.

Yup. The guys answering this are picturing a hot 24 year old and essentially saying "don't worry your pretty little head, just keep it tight and I'll keep the lights on." Even if that were OP's situation (it's not), that shit fades and you're left with an average Jane with no work history. There's a difference between 'wouldn't stop me from banging' and 'not an issue at all.'

I think you're both being dishonest. An unambiguous woman is a problem. A stay at home mom who plans on living off someone else now that she is a divorced empty nester is a problem. But a cute divorcee who is working very hard, and who wants me around, is a prize. She could be doing anything at work, except being a sex worker or a Trump White House aide.

I think you're misreading my post (930 PP). I'm saying that the previous guys saying "Men don't care at all about a woman's career. At all." are full of it or at least not thinking it through, and it seems based on your full response that you agree, though you're framing it by calling me a liar which makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

This hasn’t been my experience. As far my my career and dating life is concerned, men care a lot. It’s not like they sought me out because of my career, I don’t run around telling people what I do. But when they do hear about it, I think they are impressed and have respect for the amount of work it took to get here and it adds to their attraction.