my mom is full time caretaker of stepbrother's kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have your answers. Mom doesn't care if you stay in a hotel. Stepbrother sure doesn't care about anyone but himself. You have to take care of yourself, OP.

I'm the OP and I meant to add that my mom said that she's trying to help me by telling me to stay in a hotel so that it won't be stressful on me, so that I can rest after being on such a long flight because there are kids in the house. But I still don't get it. My brother and sister both stayed there over the summer with their families (they have kids and I don't). I'm really trying to figure out if my mom's reasons are really just bullshit and she doesn't want me there. Today i asked her straight up if I'm staying in a hotel because she doesn't want me there and she got mad and managed to not answer the question. She tells me I'm welcome to come over and eat, visit etc but that I must stay at the hotel because of the stress level in the house. She says the situation with my stepbrother has pushed her to her limit, but then why the hell is he still there with his kids and with no end in sight (is my question)? He has a good job, highly paid, etc. It's not like he can't afford his own place.

OP, you are acting very young. Your mother is navigating a very difficult situation making sure these kids are well cared for, and all you can see is yourself and how everyone isn't catering to you. When you were a child, you had the greatest needs and you got the bulk of your mom's attention. Now you are an adult, and you no longer have the greatest needs, so you're not getting the bulk of her attention at the moment. Start acting like an adult instead of a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have your answers. Mom doesn't care if you stay in a hotel. Stepbrother sure doesn't care about anyone but himself. You have to take care of yourself, OP.

I'm the OP and I meant to add that my mom said that she's trying to help me by telling me to stay in a hotel so that it won't be stressful on me, so that I can rest after being on such a long flight because there are kids in the house. But I still don't get it. My brother and sister both stayed there over the summer with their families (they have kids and I don't). I'm really trying to figure out if my mom's reasons are really just bullshit and she doesn't want me there. Today i asked her straight up if I'm staying in a hotel because she doesn't want me there and she got mad and managed to not answer the question. She tells me I'm welcome to come over and eat, visit etc but that I must stay at the hotel because of the stress level in the house. She says the situation with my stepbrother has pushed her to her limit, but then why the hell is he still there with his kids and with no end in sight (is my question)? He has a good job, highly paid, etc. It's not like he can't afford his own place.

I'm PP. Again- you have your answers. He is still there because she chooses that.

It's a hard thing to accept when HE called my mom every name in the book and now she is primary caretaker of his kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have your answers. Mom doesn't care if you stay in a hotel. Stepbrother sure doesn't care about anyone but himself. You have to take care of yourself, OP.

I'm the OP and I meant to add that my mom said that she's trying to help me by telling me to stay in a hotel so that it won't be stressful on me, so that I can rest after being on such a long flight because there are kids in the house. But I still don't get it. My brother and sister both stayed there over the summer with their families (they have kids and I don't). I'm really trying to figure out if my mom's reasons are really just bullshit and she doesn't want me there. Today i asked her straight up if I'm staying in a hotel because she doesn't want me there and she got mad and managed to not answer the question. She tells me I'm welcome to come over and eat, visit etc but that I must stay at the hotel because of the stress level in the house. She says the situation with my stepbrother has pushed her to her limit, but then why the hell is he still there with his kids and with no end in sight (is my question)? He has a good job, highly paid, etc. It's not like he can't afford his own place.

OP, you are acting very young. Your mother is navigating a very difficult situation making sure these kids are well cared for, and all you can see is yourself and how everyone isn't catering to you. When you were a child, you had the greatest needs and you got the bulk of your mom's attention. Now you are an adult, and you no longer have the greatest needs, so you're not getting the bulk of her attention at the moment. Start acting like an adult instead of a child.

I AM young. I'm 30 years old. I'm not ancient. And you're missing the point. I'm asking for maybe an hour tops of my mom's time. You also missed other points in my post. When I have gone to the house, I play with the kids, etc. But everything constantly revolves around my stepbrother and his impending separation. It's been this way for four months on end according to my siblings. I'm only visiting 5 days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have your answers. Mom doesn't care if you stay in a hotel. Stepbrother sure doesn't care about anyone but himself. You have to take care of yourself, OP.

I'm the OP and I meant to add that my mom said that she's trying to help me by telling me to stay in a hotel so that it won't be stressful on me, so that I can rest after being on such a long flight because there are kids in the house. But I still don't get it. My brother and sister both stayed there over the summer with their families (they have kids and I don't). I'm really trying to figure out if my mom's reasons are really just bullshit and she doesn't want me there. Today i asked her straight up if I'm staying in a hotel because she doesn't want me there and she got mad and managed to not answer the question. She tells me I'm welcome to come over and eat, visit etc but that I must stay at the hotel because of the stress level in the house. She says the situation with my stepbrother has pushed her to her limit, but then why the hell is he still there with his kids and with no end in sight (is my question)? He has a good job, highly paid, etc. It's not like he can't afford his own place.

You wrote your own answer right there.

She knows you are a needy whiner, and can't bear the thought of you in the house creating more stress and drama.

That's actually not what was said. She said the stress level in the house is high because of stepbrother and THAT situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have your answers. Mom doesn't care if you stay in a hotel. Stepbrother sure doesn't care about anyone but himself. You have to take care of yourself, OP.

I'm the OP and I meant to add that my mom said that she's trying to help me by telling me to stay in a hotel so that it won't be stressful on me, so that I can rest after being on such a long flight because there are kids in the house. But I still don't get it. My brother and sister both stayed there over the summer with their families (they have kids and I don't). I'm really trying to figure out if my mom's reasons are really just bullshit and she doesn't want me there. Today i asked her straight up if I'm staying in a hotel because she doesn't want me there and she got mad and managed to not answer the question. She tells me I'm welcome to come over and eat, visit etc but that I must stay at the hotel because of the stress level in the house. She says the situation with my stepbrother has pushed her to her limit, but then why the hell is he still there with his kids and with no end in sight (is my question)? He has a good job, highly paid, etc. It's not like he can't afford his own place.

I'm PP. Again- you have your answers. He is still there because she chooses that.

It's a hard thing to accept when HE called my mom every name in the book and now she is primary caretaker of his kids.

We know it's hard for you to accept, we tried to reason with you months ago!!!

The more you sink into "me me me" territory, the less anyone will have any patience with you. If you've made yourself this unpleasant to your family for years, no wonder they hold you at arms' length.

Stop it, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have your answers. Mom doesn't care if you stay in a hotel. Stepbrother sure doesn't care about anyone but himself. You have to take care of yourself, OP.

I'm the OP and I meant to add that my mom said that she's trying to help me by telling me to stay in a hotel so that it won't be stressful on me, so that I can rest after being on such a long flight because there are kids in the house. But I still don't get it. My brother and sister both stayed there over the summer with their families (they have kids and I don't). I'm really trying to figure out if my mom's reasons are really just bullshit and she doesn't want me there. Today i asked her straight up if I'm staying in a hotel because she doesn't want me there and she got mad and managed to not answer the question. She tells me I'm welcome to come over and eat, visit etc but that I must stay at the hotel because of the stress level in the house. She says the situation with my stepbrother has pushed her to her limit, but then why the hell is he still there with his kids and with no end in sight (is my question)? He has a good job, highly paid, etc. It's not like he can't afford his own place.

I'm PP. Again- you have your answers. He is still there because she chooses that.

It's a hard thing to accept when HE called my mom every name in the book and now she is primary caretaker of his kids.

I'm PP you're responding to. Of course, it doesn't make sense. He may have talked your mom into it. The point is that she goes along with it. It's her choice to do what she does. Ask her if you can have lunch alone at a restaurant, and see what she says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have your answers. Mom doesn't care if you stay in a hotel. Stepbrother sure doesn't care about anyone but himself. You have to take care of yourself, OP.

I'm the OP and I meant to add that my mom said that she's trying to help me by telling me to stay in a hotel so that it won't be stressful on me, so that I can rest after being on such a long flight because there are kids in the house. But I still don't get it. My brother and sister both stayed there over the summer with their families (they have kids and I don't). I'm really trying to figure out if my mom's reasons are really just bullshit and she doesn't want me there. Today i asked her straight up if I'm staying in a hotel because she doesn't want me there and she got mad and managed to not answer the question. She tells me I'm welcome to come over and eat, visit etc but that I must stay at the hotel because of the stress level in the house. She says the situation with my stepbrother has pushed her to her limit, but then why the hell is he still there with his kids and with no end in sight (is my question)? He has a good job, highly paid, etc. It's not like he can't afford his own place.

Honestly, OP, I think you may be right that your mom is asking you to stay in a hotel because she doesn't want you there. She is caring for two young, needy children, and doesn't need the stress of a third young, needy child, especially not one who acts like a 3-year-old in a 30-year-old body. If you want to be welcome, maybe you should think a bit about what you contribute to the family rather than what you can take from it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand you are feeling upset and abandoned, but your mother is in a much worse situation. It sounds like the stress is getting to her but she can’t do anything about it because those poor kids need her. I don’t have any advice other than take the long view and try to feel some compassion for your mom.

I'm a PP. Those "poor kids" have two parents. Grandma is choosing to look after them. She is creating her own situation, and she can certainly do something about it, but chooses not to. Her fault/ her problem.

THIS x one million. TO all the stupid posters being bitchy to the OP, reread the OP. This person's mom is choosing to put herself in that situation. Those kids have two parents. It seems like the step grandma has chosen herself to be put in that situation. The kids can always go to daycare or have a nanny. It's ridiculous that OP can't even get an hour of her mom's time because those kids come first constantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have your answers. Mom doesn't care if you stay in a hotel. Stepbrother sure doesn't care about anyone but himself. You have to take care of yourself, OP.

I'm the OP and I meant to add that my mom said that she's trying to help me by telling me to stay in a hotel so that it won't be stressful on me, so that I can rest after being on such a long flight because there are kids in the house. But I still don't get it. My brother and sister both stayed there over the summer with their families (they have kids and I don't). I'm really trying to figure out if my mom's reasons are really just bullshit and she doesn't want me there. Today i asked her straight up if I'm staying in a hotel because she doesn't want me there and she got mad and managed to not answer the question. She tells me I'm welcome to come over and eat, visit etc but that I must stay at the hotel because of the stress level in the house. She says the situation with my stepbrother has pushed her to her limit, but then why the hell is he still there with his kids and with no end in sight (is my question)? He has a good job, highly paid, etc. It's not like he can't afford his own place.

OP, you are acting very young. Your mother is navigating a very difficult situation making sure these kids are well cared for, and all you can see is yourself and how everyone isn't catering to you. When you were a child, you had the greatest needs and you got the bulk of your mom's attention. Now you are an adult, and you no longer have the greatest needs, so you're not getting the bulk of her attention at the moment. Start acting like an adult instead of a child.

I AM young. I'm 30 years old. I'm not ancient. And you're missing the point. I'm asking for maybe an hour tops of my mom's time. You also missed other points in my post. When I have gone to the house, I play with the kids, etc. But everything constantly revolves around my stepbrother and his impending separation. It's been this way for four months on end according to my siblings. I'm only visiting 5 days.

You, you are not young. You are not a child. You are an adult. Act like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have your answers. Mom doesn't care if you stay in a hotel. Stepbrother sure doesn't care about anyone but himself. You have to take care of yourself, OP.

I'm the OP and I meant to add that my mom said that she's trying to help me by telling me to stay in a hotel so that it won't be stressful on me, so that I can rest after being on such a long flight because there are kids in the house. But I still don't get it. My brother and sister both stayed there over the summer with their families (they have kids and I don't). I'm really trying to figure out if my mom's reasons are really just bullshit and she doesn't want me there. Today i asked her straight up if I'm staying in a hotel because she doesn't want me there and she got mad and managed to not answer the question. She tells me I'm welcome to come over and eat, visit etc but that I must stay at the hotel because of the stress level in the house. She says the situation with my stepbrother has pushed her to her limit, but then why the hell is he still there with his kids and with no end in sight (is my question)? He has a good job, highly paid, etc. It's not like he can't afford his own place.

You wrote your own answer right there.

She knows you are a needy whiner, and can't bear the thought of you in the house creating more stress and drama.

That's actually not what was said. She said the stress level in the house is high because of stepbrother and THAT situation.

Are you this dumb that you can't read between the lines?

Sigh.

Do you have Asperger's by any chance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand you are feeling upset and abandoned, but your mother is in a much worse situation. It sounds like the stress is getting to her but she can’t do anything about it because those poor kids need her. I don’t have any advice other than take the long view and try to feel some compassion for your mom.

I'm a PP. Those "poor kids" have two parents. Grandma is choosing to look after them. She is creating her own situation, and she can certainly do something about it, but chooses not to. Her fault/ her problem.

THIS x one million. TO all the stupid posters being bitchy to the OP, reread the OP. This person's mom is choosing to put herself in that situation. Those kids have two parents. It seems like the step grandma has chosen herself to be put in that situation. The kids can always go to daycare or have a nanny. It's ridiculous that OP can't even get an hour of her mom's time because those kids come first constantly.

Those kids have two parents who have abdicated responsibility for parenting their children. Sure, OP's mom could look at the situation, say "not my problem," and go about having her fun while the kids suffer for their parents' inabilities to parent.

Kind of like she could have done instead of adopting OP. That's not who OP's mother is, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand you are feeling upset and abandoned, but your mother is in a much worse situation. It sounds like the stress is getting to her but she can’t do anything about it because those poor kids need her. I don’t have any advice other than take the long view and try to feel some compassion for your mom.

I'm a PP. Those "poor kids" have two parents. Grandma is choosing to look after them. She is creating her own situation, and she can certainly do something about it, but chooses not to. Her fault/ her problem.

THIS x one million. TO all the stupid posters being bitchy to the OP, reread the OP. This person's mom is choosing to put herself in that situation. Those kids have two parents. It seems like the step grandma has chosen herself to be put in that situation. The kids can always go to daycare or have a nanny. It's ridiculous that OP can't even get an hour of her mom's time because those kids come first constantly.

You fell for OP's spiel, PP.

She posted about this some time ago and managed to annoy everyone at that time, too. She just won't ever see anybody else's side of the argument except her own.

Last time she was complained how stressed she was moving by herself without help, and put that on her family as well. Being so young and helpless, you know

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand you are feeling upset and abandoned, but your mother is in a much worse situation. It sounds like the stress is getting to her but she can’t do anything about it because those poor kids need her. I don’t have any advice other than take the long view and try to feel some compassion for your mom.

I'm a PP. Those "poor kids" have two parents. Grandma is choosing to look after them. She is creating her own situation, and she can certainly do something about it, but chooses not to. Her fault/ her problem.

THIS x one million. TO all the stupid posters being bitchy to the OP, reread the OP. This person's mom is choosing to put herself in that situation. Those kids have two parents. It seems like the step grandma has chosen herself to be put in that situation. The kids can always go to daycare or have a nanny. It's ridiculous that OP can't even get an hour of her mom's time because those kids come first constantly.

Those kids have two parents who have abdicated responsibility for parenting their children. Sure, OP's mom could look at the situation, say "not my problem," and go about having her fun while the kids suffer for their parents' inabilities to parent.

Kind of like she could have done instead of adopting OP. That's not who OP's mother is, though.

The parents are both still involved. The mom sees the kids a few days/nights a week and keeps them. The dad is there and takes care of them, but i think he is abusing my mom's time -- he just ups and leaves whenever and my mom does everything for them, but she seems to enjoy the grandma role.

I'm the OP by the way - and your last line is pretty harsh and unnecessary. At this point I feel like I have no family at all. No one else has ever been told to go stay in a hotel in my family. If this sounds like whining to you, then please don't reply to my post. I've been in a lot of pain this week due to this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand you are feeling upset and abandoned, but your mother is in a much worse situation. It sounds like the stress is getting to her but she can’t do anything about it because those poor kids need her. I don’t have any advice other than take the long view and try to feel some compassion for your mom.

I'm a PP. Those "poor kids" have two parents. Grandma is choosing to look after them. She is creating her own situation, and she can certainly do something about it, but chooses not to. Her fault/ her problem.

THIS x one million. TO all the stupid posters being bitchy to the OP, reread the OP. This person's mom is choosing to put herself in that situation. Those kids have two parents. It seems like the step grandma has chosen herself to be put in that situation. The kids can always go to daycare or have a nanny. It's ridiculous that OP can't even get an hour of her mom's time because those kids come first constantly.

You fell for OP's spiel, PP.

She posted about this some time ago and managed to annoy everyone at that time, too. She just won't ever see anybody else's side of the argument except her own.

Last time she was complained how stressed she was moving by herself without help, and put that on her family as well. Being so young and helpless, you know

I'm the OP and I have no bloody clue what you're referring to. I never posted this before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand you are feeling upset and abandoned, but your mother is in a much worse situation. It sounds like the stress is getting to her but she can’t do anything about it because those poor kids need her. I don’t have any advice other than take the long view and try to feel some compassion for your mom.

I'm a PP. Those "poor kids" have two parents. Grandma is choosing to look after them. She is creating her own situation, and she can certainly do something about it, but chooses not to. Her fault/ her problem.

THIS x one million. TO all the stupid posters being bitchy to the OP, reread the OP. This person's mom is choosing to put herself in that situation. Those kids have two parents. It seems like the step grandma has chosen herself to be put in that situation. The kids can always go to daycare or have a nanny. It's ridiculous that OP can't even get an hour of her mom's time because those kids come first constantly.

Not just this week... and you haven't kept it to yourself either.


Those kids have two parents who have abdicated responsibility for parenting their children. Sure, OP's mom could look at the situation, say "not my problem," and go about having her fun while the kids suffer for their parents' inabilities to parent.

Kind of like she could have done instead of adopting OP. That's not who OP's mother is, though.

The parents are both still involved. The mom sees the kids a few days/nights a week and keeps them. The dad is there and takes care of them, but i think he is abusing my mom's time -- he just ups and leaves whenever and my mom does everything for them, but she seems to enjoy the grandma role.

I'm the OP by the way - and your last line is pretty harsh and unnecessary. At this point I feel like I have no family at all. No one else has ever been told to go stay in a hotel in my family. If this sounds like whining to you, then please don't reply to my post. I've been in a lot of pain this week due to this situation.