Advice needed to handle middle school mean girl
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Anonymous
| Schools are not general teenage police forces and if the behavior is not school-related, it is not clear why you would want to involve them or why they would get involved. You definitely should not involve the school because you do not want to confront the parents, that is your job not theirs. If there is a school connection, and there sometimes is, then it may be appropriate to involve the school. Just my two cents. |
Anonymous
| I think these girls should be forced to read what they write in front of the whole school. |
Anonymous
|
I experienced something this when my DS (now in HS) was in MS. DS, initially, wouldn't tell me what was going on but he was clearly upset. Before telling me, he wanted me to promise not to tell anyone. I told him I couldn't promise that until after I heard what was going on. After I heard, I told him the school needed to be informed. He was adamantly opposed because he didn't want to be a 'snitch' and it would make his life miserable. I told him I understood but I still felt the school needed to be informed. I told him I would speak to his counselor in confidence and that I wanted him to speak to her as well. I told him that he would feel better sharing with her and that she would have more strategies on how to handle it. Surprisingly, he agreed.
The counselor was fabulous. I sent her an email, spoke to me on the phone and had me bring DS back to school to speak with her - school was out by that time of day. DS spoke to her and felt so much better. She was able to keep things confidential but was able to address the issue with the other kid, the other kid's friends and my DS friends'. It was done in such a way that the issue was addressed and my DS wasn't a 'snitch'. After that, I was never hesitant to speak to the counselor about an issue and neither was DS. I couldn't believe how well this could be addressed. Contact your school counselor. |
Anonymous
|
OP, if the bullying is about race, it may be considered a civil rights matter. If it's on social media, the definition of "school" can be extended to include time on the bus, after school activities, etc,
I would contact the school guidance counselor or principal -- or both. They know what the specific regs and rules are, and when the insults relate to a protected class -- race, religion, etc., it will (or at least should) be treated much more seriously. The Department of Justice can get involved. Please address this not just for your daughter, but for other girls this "popular girl" may be hurting. Such girls usually do not stop with one victim. You might also want to read the book "Queen Bees and Wannabes" for some additional ideas on coping with this kind or horrible behavior. |
Anonymous
| I would save screenshots of the messages and forward them to yourself, then send them in an email to the principal (or guidance counsel or whoever is the appropriate person at the school). Create a paper trail, and make it clear that you will be holding the school responsible if they permit anything of the sort to occur during school hours. I would also want to know if it were my kid sending such messages, so I could go scorched earth on him/her, but unfortunately a lot of kids who behave this way get it from their parents. Still, it doesn't hurt to save everything so you can contact them if necessary. And make sure to stay on top of your DD's mental state, to the extent possible. |
Anonymous
|
20:32 here. OP! Please check out this website: https://www.stopbullying.gov/laws/index.html
At the bottom of the page are links to when bullying may overlap with harassment of a protected class. The Department of Education and the DOJ both can get involved. |
Anonymous
Start wtih the school counselor before you call in the DOJ! |
Anonymous
Right! Jesus Christ. No need to be a complete drama queen about the situation. |
Anonymous
You know what though? If it was your kid you'd sure as hell take it to the extreme to protect her. |
Anonymous
| I'm not going to call in the feds, but if your kid is making racial slurs at my kid, we are going to have problems. |
Anonymous
Scared the shit out of you, huh? white privilege much? |
Anonymous
Mom of 3 AA children here. Also a NP. I believe that it would be much better to handle at the school level first before escalating to DOJ or DOE because the first thing they will ask is "how did the school respond when you presented it to them?". Immediate PP, not everything is a firestorm. Start at ground level with a hose before you bring in the big rigs and ladder trucks. When your first step for every impediment is to resort to hysterics and hysteria, you will quickly become the boy or girl who cries "wolf". Unfortunately then when the chips are really down people are too weary of your constant shrieking to be willing to even listen let alone help. |
Anonymous
If she has learned to react by ignoring it, she's miles ahead of most kids and is doing the perfect thing. No further response is needed; that she can act with grace in the face of someone else's ugliness and not outwardly care is the best possible response to this and is greatly to her credit. Does she want you to do anything to "handle" it? Because it sounds like she's handling it fine and doesn't need your intervention to address it. |
Anonymous
OP! It could get better or it could get worse. Your child may not want you to get involved because it's part of the middlemsxhoocode not to get patents involved. Keep an eye on it and open channels with your daughter. |
Anonymous
|
20:32 and 20:45 here. Obviously, none of the previous posters actually looked at the website or its links.
The school is OBLIGATED BY LAW to respond to bullying when it involves a protected class member being bullied on the basis of race, religion, disability, etc. If they fail to respond appropriately, both the DOE and DOJ can get involved. They are not the first step. However, it is not something that can be brushed under the rug, because public schools are accountable to higher legal authorities. |