Advice needed to handle middle school mean girl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20:32 here. OP! Please check out this website: https://www.stopbullying.gov/laws/index.html

At the bottom of the page are links to when bullying may overlap with harassment of a protected class.

The Department of Education and the DOJ both can get involved.

Start wtih the school counselor before you call in the DOJ!

Right! Jesus Christ. No need to be a complete drama queen about the situation.

Scared the shit out of you, huh? white privilege much?

Um no. You just sound unhinged even hinting at contacting the DOJ over some middle school text messages about insults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20:32 and 20:45 here. Obviously, none of the previous posters actually looked at the website or its links.

The school is OBLIGATED BY LAW to respond to bullying when it involves a protected class member being bullied on the basis of race, religion, disability, etc. If they fail to respond appropriately, both the DOE and DOJ can get involved.

They are not the first step. However, it is not something that can be brushed under the rug, because public schools are accountable to higher legal authorities.

What if OPs daughter is not a protected class?

In this area the most popular girl in school coukd easily be a person of color or a protected group, and OPs daughter could be white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20:32 and 20:45 here. Obviously, none of the previous posters actually looked at the website or its links.

The school is OBLIGATED BY LAW to respond to bullying when it involves a protected class member being bullied on the basis of race, religion, disability, etc. If they fail to respond appropriately, both the DOE and DOJ can get involved.

They are not the first step. However, it is not something that can be brushed under the rug, because public schools are accountable to higher legal authorities.

What if OPs daughter is not a protected class?

In this area the most popular girl in school coukd easily be a person of color or a protected group, and OPs daughter could be white.

Then the DOJ would not get involved.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the girl is bullying other kids, and if the school or her parents know about multiple instances, they’ll take it even more seriously. All the best to you and your DD.

[Anonymous]

My niece was badly bullied for about 6 months. The bullying was happening both out of school and at school.

The lead bully had an entourage, it wasn't a very big school, and within weeks the bully had managed toget all but two girls to either side with her or stay silent and away from my niece (threat they would be turned on next if they stayed friends with my niece). Two girls, neither of whom she really knew well stood up for her or told the bully to knock it off.

The school first tried a 'friendship circle' with all the involved girls and they were supposed to all apologize to each other for not being good friends and promise to do better. My niece found this activity to be further victimizing as it minimized the actions of the bully and she had to apologize to the bully.

The bullying got worse after the above mentioned event. The bully eventually moved from verbal and exclusion type bullying to physical and a teacher saw my niece being blocked from going down a hall then being pushed into a corner and held there by 3 girls. At that point the school required the bully and her group to stay away from my niece. My niece basically just sat by herself and tried to avoid all interactions with anyone until the end of the year. She moved to a new high school and never spoke to anyone from 8th grade again. It took another year and a half for her to come back out of her shell, trust friends again, and join anything at school. She is now in 11th and doing great socially and academically but the scars are still there.

[Anonymous]

7:53, that is so, so sad. The school handled it badly. Why weren’t the parents involved? I feel so sad for your niece. It’s sad and frightening that only two girls actually spoke out against the bully. We need to do more to teach kids not only not to bully but to speak out against bullying. I’m glad your niece is doing ok now, but that bad experience will always stay with her in some way, I’m sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20:32 and 20:45 here. Obviously, none of the previous posters actually looked at the website or its links.

The school is OBLIGATED BY LAW to respond to bullying when it involves a protected class member being bullied on the basis of race, religion, disability, etc. If they fail to respond appropriately, both the DOE and DOJ can get involved.

They are not the first step. However, it is not something that can be brushed under the rug, because public schools are accountable to higher legal authorities.

What if OPs daughter is not a protected class?

In this area the most popular girl in school coukd easily be a person of color or a protected group, and OPs daughter could be white.

Then the DOJ would not get involved.

Even if the bullying is racist in nature and the girl is in a minoroty group at her school?

[Anonymous]

Did I miss the part where this was about racism?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Schools are not general teenage police forces and if the behavior is not school-related, it is not clear why you would want to involve them or why they would get involved. You definitely should not involve the school because you do not want to confront the parents, that is your job not theirs. If there is a school connection, and there sometimes is, then it may be appropriate to involve the school. Just my two cents.

Are you the parent of a bully? That's the only way your advising this. Schools are overly involved in student-life. This is actually an opportunity for that involvement to be useful.

This bully will move on to her next victim, and if school is told of the present situation, the school will have a record of it for the next poor kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20:32 and 20:45 here. Obviously, none of the previous posters actually looked at the website or its links.

The school is OBLIGATED BY LAW to respond to bullying when it involves a protected class member being bullied on the basis of race, religion, disability, etc. If they fail to respond appropriately, both the DOE and DOJ can get involved.

They are not the first step. However, it is not something that can be brushed under the rug, because public schools are accountable to higher legal authorities.

What if OPs daughter is not a protected class?

In this area the most popular girl in school coukd easily be a person of color or a protected group, and OPs daughter could be white.

Then the DOJ would not get involved.

Even if the bullying is racist in nature and the girl is in a minoroty group at her school?

For the love. You are clearly trying to derail the thread that OP was actually posting about to get to your point. Which I suspect is the deep unfairness of "reverse racism" or some other unicorn BS. Do it somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

If you have proof (screen shot), I would talk to the GC. If they can't assist because it happened out of school, perhaps they can give you and your DD some advice on how to handle. Tell DD what you are going to do so she isn't blindsided if the GC calls her in to talk.

Try to ignore the nut-jobs on this site

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of messages?

I would push my child to fill out a bullying form and make a formal complaint to the counselor, but if she really doesn't want to, then I would do it myself. This is middle school, after all, not college.

But is this happening while at school or on school time?

Or is it happening at home, on weekends and outside of school hours.

If it is outside of school hours the the parents need to get involved.

Do you know the girl and her parents OP?

When this kind of thing happened to my niece, my BIL took the phone away from her, and the next time one of those texts came in he reaponded with "Hi Larla. This is Mr. P and this is my phone. I have screen shots of your texts, and if this continues I will forward them to your parents."

This stopped it cold.

The parents knew each other and the girl did not want her parents to see what she has been sending.

All of it was happening outside of school hours.

great idea. I'm going to try that (not the OP here but another parent of a grade 8 girl)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of messages?

I would push my child to fill out a bullying form and make a formal complaint to the counselor, but if she really doesn't want to, then I would do it myself. This is middle school, after all, not college.

But is this happening while at school or on school time?

Or is it happening at home, on weekends and outside of school hours.

If it is outside of school hours the the parents need to get involved.

Do you know the girl and her parents OP?

When this kind of thing happened to my niece, my BIL took the phone away from her, and the next time one of those texts came in he reaponded with "Hi Larla. This is Mr. P and this is my phone. I have screen shots of your texts, and if this continues I will forward them to your parents."

This stopped it cold.

The parents knew each other and the girl did not want her parents to see what she has been sending.

All of it was happening outside of school hours.

I think that is a good approach. If it is okay with your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Call the counselor directly. Seriously. Do it tomorrow. Let your daughter be mad at you. She doesn’t understand how much this could help both of them.

Print out the messages and mail them to her parents, with a note that it’s from you and your phone number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call the counselor directly. Seriously. Do it tomorrow. Let your daughter be mad at you. She doesn’t understand how much this could help both of them.

Print out the messages and mail them to her parents, with a note that it’s from you and your phone number.

+1 this bully is clearly not very smart. Sending texts is concrete evidence. Send screen shots to school and parents. Bully deserves to be called out with concrete evidence. OP, do this for your DD. It will only get worse if no one steps in. Good luck and good wishes for your DD.