Advice needed to handle middle school mean girl

[Anonymous]

My dd is in 8th grade and another girl (very very popular) has sent her some really mean and nasty messages.
I am shocked as to how low some girls can go in order to hurt other girls, comments on race, looks and worse.

I have advised my dd to block her so she does not send her any such messages in the future, but such behavior is scary. I have also advised my DD to complain to the school counselor, but she does not wanna do it..

Please advise me DCUM! its really heartbreaking to see 14 year old girls do such things

[Anonymous]

What kind of messages?

I would push my child to fill out a bullying form and make a formal complaint to the counselor, but if she really doesn't want to, then I would do it myself. This is middle school, after all, not college.

[Anonymous]

Yes, what was the message? We'd need to know to offer appropriate suggestions. But the obvious one should be to block this girl ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of messages?

I would push my child to fill out a bullying form and make a formal complaint to the counselor, but if she really doesn't want to, then I would do it myself. This is middle school, after all, not college.

But is this happening while at school or on school time?

Or is it happening at home, on weekends and outside of school hours.

If it is outside of school hours the the parents need to get involved.

Do you know the girl and her parents OP?

When this kind of thing happened to my niece, my BIL took the phone away from her, and the next time one of those texts came in he reaponded with "Hi Larla. This is Mr. P and this is my phone. I have screen shots of your texts, and if this continues I will forward them to your parents."

This stopped it cold.

The parents knew each other and the girl did not want her parents to see what she has been sending.

All of it was happening outside of school hours.

[Anonymous]

This is actually a really good way to approach it.

[Anonymous]

happening outside of school..really nasty comments on looks and worst was that she will only get older men as no guys will want to date her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is actually a really good way to approach it.

+1 except I would go ahead and forward to parents without second chance warning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:happening outside of school..really nasty comments on looks and worst was that she will only get older men as no guys will want to date her

How does your daughter feel about it? How has your daughter reacted to it? Take your cue from her.

[Anonymous]

she gets upset but has learnt to ignore...I am only worried that if this is not addressed now, it can get worse!

[Anonymous]

Even if it happens after school you need to tell the school. If your daughter doesn't want to do it then you should. Believe me, the school wants to know so that they can nip it in the bud. Relational aggression (mean girl behavior) spreads like wildfire once it starts. The school counselors (and your daughter's team teachers) should develop a plan to address the issue.

You might want to do some Google searches for resource about cyber-bullying. Additionally, there are some great books that you might want to read to help you get a handle on it. The ones that spring to mind are Reviving Ophelia (Dr. Mary Pipher), Queen Bees and Wannabees (Rosalind Wiseman) and Odd Girl Out (Rachel Simmons). There are many others but those three are pretty much the best.

Good luck. Please act NOW!

[Anonymous]

Yes involve the school, if for no other reason that it is documented in case your DD gets frustrated and lashes out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is actually a really good way to approach it.

+1 except I would go ahead and forward to parents without second chance warning.

Sometimes that backfires, since kids are trying to separate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes involve the school, if for no other reason that it is documented in case your DD gets frustrated and lashes out.

Schools have zero tolerance policies, except when they ignore stuff. If your daughter doesn't want to escalate that way, and this is the first time, I would respect her wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of messages?

I would push my child to fill out a bullying form and make a formal complaint to the counselor, but if she really doesn't want to, then I would do it myself. This is middle school, after all, not college.

But is this happening while at school or on school time?

Or is it happening at home, on weekends and outside of school hours.

If it is outside of school hours the the parents need to get involved.

Do you know the girl and her parents OP?

When this kind of thing happened to my niece, my BIL took the phone away from her, and the next time one of those texts came in he reaponded with "Hi Larla. This is Mr. P and this is my phone. I have screen shots of your texts, and if this continues I will forward them to your parents."

This stopped it cold.

The parents knew each other and the girl did not want her parents to see what she has been sending.

All of it was happening outside of school hours.

Another great way to addressing it, but it doesn't matter if this is outside of school or during the school day - I would report it to the school anyway.

[Anonymous]

If you do nothing it will escalate. Take it from a once 13 year old who was bullied and didn't let my mother speak to the school or anyone else. It went on for a further 6 months. Then she talked to the school counselor who literally just had a meeting with the other girl, asked her directly how she would feel at the butt end of her behavior and she stopped cold.

End of story.